A much talked about issue in the area of wealth transfer and family business succession is the desire to “transfer our values to the next generations”.  This is a valiant goal and one which should be true for every family regardless of wealth status — training your children and grandchildren in ways that they will instill values that are important to you.  Really, the heart of the matter is not just to teach them values which are important to you, but to teach them principles and ways of thinking that will help them be successful in life.

“Values”, after all, are ultimately relative — and I would argue that some values are more ‘valuable’ in life than others.  For example, the values of “appearing successful” or “having others think well of you” can actually lead to choices and patterns of behavior that can become self-destructive.  Whereas the values of “treating others with dignity” and “conducting all business matters with utmost integrity” are principles for behavior that I believe are more foundational and will lead to positive results in one’s life.

Many families are enamored with the idea of creating a list of their family’s core values and / or developing a family mission statement (most families, I believe, are interested in doing this because they’ve heard it is something they should do if they are going to be a successful family).  And I think these can be helpful action steps within the larger process of actively talking about the family’s core values. [In fact, one of the services I provide professional is to lead families through these processes.]

But a key question I ask families is: “How are values transferred to the next generations?”  The most common answer is — by observation.  And this is true.  Children and grandchildren observe older family members and take cues on how they should behave from them.  But, as I often tell parents of young children — children are excellent observers but they often are poor interpreters.  They watch us and see what we are doing, but they often misinterpret the actions and even more frequently misinterpret the purpose or reason behind the action.  As a result, learning by observation by itself is a poor teacher.

Modeling behavior (including choices made, and the values which they represent), I believe, must also be accompanied by verbal explanation — both of what we are doing and also why we are choosing this action.

We have an old family story that one of my grandmothers always cut off the end of a pot roast before putting it in the roasting pan and baking it in the oven.  When asked by her daughter why she did this, she replied: “Because you are supposed to — that is how my mother cooked her pot roast.”  She later found out that her mother cut off the end because her roasting pan was small and the typical roast would not fit in the pan!

Similarly, I believe it is critical for parents and grandparents (and aunts and uncles) to verbal communicate what is important to them and why these beliefs or principles undergird how they live life.  (On the lighter side, the holidays provide a rich opportunity for family members to ask about various family traditions — where they came from and why do we do them?)

An excellent way to share important principles and values is through storytelling.  Although listing principles in bullet form works well in articles and books, that is not typically how we talk conversationally (although some family members who are instructors may say: “Let me tell you three reasons why … First, …  Second, … and finally, ..”  But most of us don’t have to endure such mini-lectures.)

Stories are excellent communicators of values because they have several engaging characteristics:

• They are personal.
• They can be quite engaging and entertaining.
• They use real life examples to show the benefits of good choices and the consequences of poor choices.
• They (when told by a good storyteller) involve one’s thoughts, emotions, and sensations.
• They are easily remembered.

This past week our four adult children have been home for the Christmas holiday.  We have attempted to tell various stories about earlier events in our lives — to help them learn (both positively and by our mistakes) from our life experiences.  Additionally, I spent some time with my mother, who grew up during the Great Depression, and asked her to tell me lessons she learned during that time.  In addition to a few principles, she also related a variety of family stories that helped communicate some of the ways our family survived during the Depression (e.g. family members helped one another out).

Most people, when I mention the idea that they should use time together with their family to tell some stories, reply: “Oh, I’m not a good storyteller” or “I wouldn’t know what to talk about.”  So let me give you some ideas for story “starters”.  Talk about:

• Memories you have about your grandparents — things you used to do with them.
•   Character qualities or talents you remember about your parents or grandparents.
•   Something special you remember getting or doing on your birthday when you were growing up.
•   Vacations you went on as a child and any memorable events that occurred on them.
•   What Christmas was like when you were little — what were the traditions at your grandparents’ homes?
•   How you met your spouse; about your dating / courtship / engagement; the early years of your marriage — where did you live, what kind of work did you do?
•   Some jobs you had when you were younger — including positive lessons and negative experiences.
  

Another way of approaching the storytelling is to think of values and principles which are core to you, and which you believe would be valuable for your children and grandchildren by which to live their lives (honesty, hard work, frugality, kindness, humility).  Then think of a family member who embodied that value and tell your family a story about that person and how they demonstrated that characteristic.

As we complete this year and look forward to the New Year, and as you have time together with family, I’d like to encourage you to actively think how you can teach them something of value — tell them a story that will help them learn valuable ways of living.

This is the time of year when families gather together – college students are on break, young adults return home to visit, and the extended family celebrates Christmas and New Year’s together.*

So it is also the time when parents who have been successful in business turn their focus to their family. This is both a good thing and it creates difficulties. It is generally good for parents to engage relationally with their family; unfortunately, for some this is an infrequent occurrence due to their focus on work (or hobbies). But when we try to “re-enter” into the family relationally, the style and manner in which we do so can create tension, discomfort, and result in conflict.

Having grown up in a family owned business with a father who was an extremely hard worker, but who also cared about his family, we would experience this pattern. Through the year dad would work long hours, and my mom was the primary conductor of family matters. (This is not to say that he wasn’t involved at all, but until later in his business life, she had the primary responsibility of interacting with the kids regarding our daily affairs.) But around the Christmas holidays, dad would refocus and engage at a higher level in family matters. And, right or wrong, this pattern has largely continued in my own nuclear family.

So, both from observing and experiencing this pattern as a child, and now as a parent, I have seen some ways that “parent re-entry” can go better, or not so well. Let me share some of these observations.

Leading a family is different than leading a business. In business, there is a formal hierarchy with established patterns of communication and decision-making. In family matters, the structure, communication patterns and decision-making procedures are more fluid – largely influenced by which family members are involved and the specific areas of discussion or decision – and obviously, tend to be more relational. As a result, “top down” communication and decision-making that many business owners and executives try to transfer to the family doesn’t go over well (in some families, this is a extreme understatement.) The implication? Don’t try to run family meetings during the holidays like you run business meetings.

Influence is largely a factor of the quality of the relationship in families. Many parents want to utilize the time with their children and grandchildren to communicate important information – their goals and desires for the family, what is important to them, principles they want their children to live by. And this is good. However, the method by which this is done can “backfire”. If the parent does not currently have a positive relationship with the child (or whoever the family member is), the message will, at best, be ignored, and more probably may create a response of anger, resentment or disdain. I would suggest the following:

a) Spend individual time with family members. Talk with them, listen to them, ask them about their lives: what they are excited about, what they are learning, what are some challenges they are facing.

b) Share personal stories about your life. Rather than give a lecture (along with a handout) with your “five core principles for life”, share stories about experiences you have had and possibly the lessons you learned (sometimes the principles are better left unsaid). Think about what makes a good story: build the context, focus on the people involved, share sensory experiences (what it looked, sounded, smelled like), and share your thoughts and feelings throughout the experience.

c) Be aware that you may first need to rebuild relationships with others before they are going to be willing to receive input from you. If you haven’t ever read it, read The Five Love Languages by my friend, Dr. Gary Chapman. Then discuss it with the family member and see in what way love is best communicated to them. Then do it!

When planning activities for the family, give options and choices. Let the family give their input on what they would like to do and how they would like to spend the time together. Although your ideas may be great (and I am sure they are, just like mine are), they may not be what the others in your family want to do. If you want to have positive “family time”, then it makes sense that the family should be able to choose what would be fun for them.

I hope these suggestions will help your time together with your family over the holidays to be fun, positive and lead to significant interactions with those whom you love.

Merry Christmas!

Paul

*Note: This is a reprint of this posting from December 2007.  However, I received so many personal comments and emails from people who appreciated it and forwarded it to others, I decided to post it again.

Almost all of us in the United States are now starting to personally experience some aspect of the global and national economic crisis.  Whether it is through a personal or family job loss, friends and extended family members who have been laid off, a slow down in your business, or projected reduced sales for next year — the impact is now personal.  This is different than hearing it on the news or reading statistics in a publication.

I resent the frenzy and panic the media seems to want to whip up, because this type of communication doesn’t help anyone.  We need to deal with the realities of life (like Jim Collins encourages businesses to do in Good to Great), but let’s do so in a healthy manner.

So let’s talk about the thought patterns that will help us cope with the challenges and stressors we are (or will be) facing — and how to keep our mental health and hope.

• Shorten your time frame.  Regardless of the challenging issue a family, individual or business faces, one of the key aspects for managing the crisis is to keep a short time frame in mind.  Deal with what you have to today or this week.  Do not spend a lot of time thinking about (or worrying about) six months from now, or next year — largely because there are so many factors that can change between now and then, you really can’t plan that far in advance.
• Manage your cash flow.  Almost every business or family I know that has gone under financially later reports that they wish they would have made changes (e.g. “cut back”) sooner.  So it would be wise to complete an budget review, especially of unnecessary expenses, and make appropriate adjustments — this should probably include projections for income over the coming months, as this might change as well.
• Adjust your expectations.  Life’s circumstances throws us changes.  What was true six months ago for us as a country, in your business, or your family is different now.  Therefore, the goals, desires or plans you had then for the future may not fit now.  Rigidly holding onto beliefs and expectations from the past will probably create undue stress.  What is going on now may not be “fair”, but it is what it is.
• Explore options you have previously ruled out.  Many times we exclude certain options because they aren’t acceptable given the current circumstances.    But when circumstances change, previously unacceptable options may need to be reconsidered (e.g. a teenager being willing to work at part-time at a restaurant; doing tasks yourself and working later in the evening or on weekends).
• Maintain an attitude of appreciation.   We all can probably find something to complain about.  And there are lots of people and decisions who are prime targets for criticism.  But what does that really gain (except for a brief time of tension release)?  So instead of adding to the negative conversations out there, first start with remembering the things that are good in your life — and then add these to conversations.  [We had a beautiful sunrise this morning.  I appreciate having a warm house when it is cold outside.  I am thankful I have reliable transportation to get to work — and that I don’t have to commute 60+ minutes one way.]
• Keep connected socially. When people go through difficult times, one means of coping with the stress is to withdraw socially.  Generally, this is not a good long-term strategy.  Yes, we need time to ourselves and time to think things through.  But to pull back from positive, supportive relationships puts us at risk for becoming isolated, cuts us off from available resources, and we can start to get weird (we need the reality check of conversations with friends to keep our thinking straight).

I appreciate the comments of Jack DeBoer, a local successful businessman who spoke recently and said:  “You can go out and talk to people today and tell them how tough things are, how it’s tougher now, and how much tougher it’s going to get. . . Or you can go out and figure out what to do in this environment.”

I am not a major history buff, but it seems to me that a lot of people survived the Great Depression, and almost always there are opportunities to be successful in difficult times.

I have had a number of situations recently where I have been involved in family situations where two members of a couple have come from significantly different levels of financial resources.

The following are more in the category of “in process” observations — thoughts and reflections that I have that are still developing and not fully complete yet.

• Coming from different financial backgrounds is a relatively common occurance for couples.  Why?  It is really statistical in nature.  There are more individuals who come from middle, upper middle, and even fairly high income families — as opposed to the number of individuals who come from ultra high net worth families.   So there is clearly a higher probability that someone from an ultra high net worth family will find a life partner from a lower financial situation than their family’s.
• No matter how functional the individuals are, or how healthy the relationship is, there will be significant challenges experienced.  Long-term relationships are difficult.  And being (or becoming) a healthy, responsible adult is no easy task.  When individuals come from significantly different personal and family backgrounds (regardless of the types of difference — ethnic/cultural, religious, educational, SES), this creates challenges for the couple to understand each other’s perspectives and worldviews.  This, in turn, creates difficulties in communicating clearly, not jumping to incorrect assumptions, and being able to empathize with your partner.
• Relationships with in-law’s (parents-in-law, siblings-in-law) and other extended family members are the source of much of the tension experienced.  This is not to paint in-law’s or extended family members as the “bad guys” in the situation, but the fact of the matter is: expectations from your spouse’s family (and the resulting “in the middle experience” of the spouse) are the starting point for many conflicts.  Expectations about holidays, vacations, your career pathway, where you live, how you raise your kids — all are deeply rooted in one’s financial status and resources.  So when individuals within a couple come from significantly different financial backgrounds, tensions arise in these daily life decisions.
• What is “no big deal” to one person (or family) can definitely be a “big deal” to another person (or family) — and the resolution of the different perceptions has nothing to do with logic.  Family values, traditions, and ways of being have little to do with logic.  When (or whether) you open Christmas presents; how you celebrate birthdays; the amount of money you spend on clothes, fireworks, sporting events, cars or art; the need to attend a great aunt’s birthday party — none of these decisions are purely logical.  They are influenced by personal experience, family history, individual preferences and probably lots of other things.  As a result, trying to convince another person that what is important to them really isn’t that important usually doesn’t work.  The best response is to listen intently to what the other person is saying, try to understand their worldview to the best of your ability and accept (and affirm) that what is important to them is important to them (even if you don’t understand why.)

There is a lot more that could be said — and many of you just had a bunch of personal stories triggered in your memories (share them, if you wish).  Let’s stop there for now.

Have a great week!

Thanksgiving is upon us this week.  And for most Americans, that means some sort of “get together” with family or friends.  Some of us dread the time, while others anxiously look forward to it.  Regardless of your past experiences, your plans for this year and accompanying mindset, I thought I would propose some proactive steps each of us can take to help make the holiday a positive experience — both for ourselves, as well as for those with whom we will be celebrating.

Determine what is most important to you for the holiday and make choices to make this happen.   Probably one of the biggest contributors to a negative holiday experience (whether we are with others or are by ourselves) is the pattern of abdicating control over our own choices.  If you want to go shopping on Friday, make plans to make it happen.  If you want to take a walk and be by yourself for a while after the family meal, do so.  If you want to make sure and get some quality time with a family member, talk to them ahead of time and arrange it.  Be proactive versus reactive, and you are more likely to see your desires fulfilled.

Don’t try to make everyone else happy.  First, you can’t.  You know (and I know) people who are not going to be pleased no matter what.  So quit trying to make them happy.  Now, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be kind or warm toward them; but if they are determined to be sour and complaining, smile, say “It’s good to see you again” and move to to spend time with someone more enjoyable.  Secondly, there are going to be competing desires among people — some people will want to watch football, others will want everyone to play a game, and others want to leave and go home as soon as possible — not everyone’s desires will be fulfilled, and it is not your responsibility to do so.

Plan for something to go wrong.  The holiday won’t be perfect — bank on it.  Someone (or their child) will become ill and won’t be able to come.  The oven won’t turn on when it is supposed to and the turkey won’t be ready to eat at 2 p.m. as planned.  One family or family member will be exceeding late (they always are!).  The rolls will get burnt.  One of the younger cousins will get hurt while playing outside.  Something less than perfect will happen.  So, first, accept that this is the case.  Realize not everything has to be perfect for people to have an enjoyable time.  Second, roll with the punches — make adjustments, laugh about the rolls (and tell stories about similar incidents in past years), go ahead and eat and let the latecomers join in when they get there.  Don’t let small problems ruin your holiday.

Leave some margin in your schedule.  Don’t book yourself crazy solid — breakfast with your brother-in-law at 8 a.m., back home and get ready to go by 11 a.m., be at your folks’ place at noon, go to your spouse’s family (an hour away) at 4 p.m., and stay until the kids are past exhaustion.  Sounds like a recipe for stress, conflict and a kid meltdown. The key is — you will have to say “no” to someone or some activity.  You will probably have to say something like, “Mom, we can’t … this year.”  Or, “I’d really like to …. but it is just going to be too much for us to handle.”  Related to this issue of margin, don’t forget that something will go wrong and you need to have some time (or money) to handle the situation.  Don’t plan your weekend based on the assumption that everything will go just as planned.

Focus on someone else and their needs.  One of the best ways to enjoy life is to not focus on yourself so much.  The holiday isn’t all about you and what you want.  There are others — whether friends, family members or strangers — that have hurts and needs that could use a helping touch from others.  Look for someone at the family gathering who seems lonely or a little down; reach out to them, show some interest and spend some time talking with them.  Find someone who seems a little on the edge of the interactions (often it is a senior adult who can’t hear well, a teenager who really doesn’t want to be there, or a younger child who doesn’t have anyone their age to play with), see what they would like to do and try to make it happen by doing it with them.  A little kindness towards others goes a long ways to making everyone’s holiday more enjoyable.

Take (and try to keep) a positive attitude.  Hey, this isn’t World War III.  This is a holiday.  You (hopefully) have some time off of work or school.  You are going to be able to eat some really good tasting food.  There are a lot of good things in your life — safety, family, friends, health, freedom, adequate provision for your daily needs.  Enjoy the time - either by yourself or with others. Smile.  Laugh. Sigh. Rest.

Have a good one.  I’m planning on it!

Over the past several weeks I have been involved with a number of families, helping them with their philanthropic giving process.  What has been interesting is the fact that almost all of the families are at some different stage in their developmental stage of philanthropy.  Some are really just beginning, others have been “doing” philanthropy for a while but are at a new life stage in their families and having to reshape their giving process, and some are not only experienced but are providing leadership to other families and foundations.

Let me share some lessons I am gleaning from my facilitator role.

“Successful” philanthropy reflects the true, authentic character of the family.  There is a lot of discusssion within the marketplace about what “successful” philanthropy is, but from an observer’s position, it seems successful philanthropy entails actively engaged family members who enjoy the process of giving along with positively impacting people’s lives as a result of the money given — both pieces seem to be necessary.  Given this description, I see “successful philanthropy” take on many shapes and forms.  No one approach or format yields these results for families.  Rather, if a family is laissez faire and goes through life more experientially (versus planned out), their philanthropy and generosity works well in this form.  But for families who are more goal-driven, structured and need to help “move things along”, a laissez faire approach to their philanthropy would drive them mad and not be fulfilling.

Ongoing, regular two-way communication is key.  Regardless of the level of development of the family’s philanthropic process, whether it is just a couple sitting down to talk together informally; parents sharing about their giving with their adult children; or a group of adult siblings with their spouses having a formal Board meeting — if there isn’t ongoing regular communication, problems erupt.  Misunderstanding, hurt feelings and mistrust can grow over a few thousand dollars to be given or over hundreds of thousands of dollars — the amount of money is not critical.   The challenge is — regular communication takes effort and time, and a commitment to overcome the obstacles of life (busyness, interruptions, illness, unexpected demands from other commitments). Families that can meet the challenge win — the process of giving together stays healthy.

There needs to be a healthy acceptance of different levels of interest, passion, and involvement across generations.  I am asked to speak on or address (to families) the topic “How to Engage the Next Generations in Philanthropy” fairly frequently.  And the pattern which I am seeing that is yielding the most positive results is this:  a) there is a generation of the family which is interested, passionate, and involved in giving;  b) there is a desire within this generation to pass on their passion to other family members;  c) however, they understand that there are seasons of life and interest in philanthropy needs to be grown and developed over time;  d) the involved generation attempts to model and share about their giving at a level which matches the level of interest by the next generation;  and e) the involved generation continues to be involved and excited about what they are doing philanthropically regardless of the response of the next generation (that is, they don’t get discouraged, start to manipulate or place “guilt trips” on the next generation).

These are just some initial observations from recent interactions.  Being forthright, working with families and their philanthropic plans is once of the most enjoyable and rewarding aspects of my work right now.

Have a great week!

I just finished traveling from Wichita to San Francisco this Election Day and was reflecting on the stress of prior Election Nights.  So I thought I’d give a few suggestions for each of us to manage our stress successfully.

Manage your expectations.  Regardless of your political affiliation or views, it is probable that not all of your desired results will happen.  In fact, it is highly likely that you will be disappointed with some of the election results.  When this happens, your life (or even your day) probably isn’t ruined.  Realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you and want you want.

Watch the channels that are consistent with your viewpoint.  Again, it really doesn’t matter what your political position is — unless you want to become irritated, have high blood pressure, and be grumpy to those around you — choose to primarily watch those news stations that are more consistent with your views.  This should lower your agitation for the evening.

Get some exercise.  Take a walk.  Go for a run.  Go to the gym and work out on the machines (while watching the returns, if you must).  Do something physical, and this will help “wash away” those tension building chemicals in your body.

Stretch.  Getting uptight, literally does that — it makes your muscles tense up.  So instead of just sitting in the easy chair or on the couch, stretch on the floor or stand up and do some upper body stretches while watching the election returns.

Set a goal for when you want to get to bed (and possibly give yourself an extra 30-60 minutes).  Think through tomorrow, when you have to get up and what you have to accomplish.  Set a  “drop dead” time that you will get to bed by.

Realize that the impact on your life will be the same whether you find out the results at midnight, 2 a.m. or tomorrow morning.  We are addicted to “real time” news and have become accustomed to wanted to know the latest information right now.  In actuality, the impact on your life will most probably be the same if you find out the results in the morning, so don’t “kill” tomorrow by staying up too late tonight.

Provide some margin in your life and schedule tomorrow for being tired and emotinally drained.   It would be wise, if possible, not to pack your day full tomorrow and expect to be able to function at 100%.  You probably will be both physically and emotionally tired, and it would be good for you (and those around you) to plan accordingly.

This weekend I had the opportunity to speak at a conference for major donors of a charitable organization. It was a beautiful setting in Southern California, and my wife accompanied me, which was a treat.

The other keynote presenter was Carlos Sepulveda, who is the CEO of Interstate Batteries, and a dynamic presenter. In addition to his presentation, Mr. Sepulveda had a follow-up question and answer session in which he expanded upon the concepts he shared. I thought I would share some of his thoughts which were thought provoking to me:

• “There is no such thing as business ethics.” He did not mean this in terms of an oxymoron. Rather, Mr. Sepulveda’s point was that there really is no division between public and private behavior – choices and decisions are made by individuals, whether or not the context is in the home, community or workplace. As Carlos stated directly, “Truth cannot be compartmentalized.” Unfortunately, we have seen this issue (behavior and choices matter, regardless of the context) impact our lives and news repeatedly (Enron, sexual misconduct by business and government leaders, business policies driven by greed).
• “Successful people absorb in early in life what reality is, and they spend the rest of their lives making and managing decisions made in reality.” Mr. Sepulveda shared some about his early life’s history, which was rocky, and the resulting lessons he learned. He affirmed straightforwardly, “You will never be any more successful than your understanding of reality” and that this is true in one’s personal life as well as in business.
• Regarding businesses delivering value, he stated that “competence delivers value.” He stated that the way to increase competence is through a combination of “ability + technique + effort”. He reported that our culture is always trying to “get around” work, but that ultimately work is good, brings value to our lives, and the means by which goals are reached.
• The definition of the role of a CEO, according to Mr. Sepulveda, is encapsulated in the initials “CEO”. The primary responsibilities of a CEO are to: 1. Organize (goals and resources); 2. Encourage others – to always be coaching those around you; and 3. Confront – to confront actions, beliefs and policies that don’t match reality, and to confront the gap between promised results and what is actually delivered. In a follow-up discussion, he indicated he tries to accept bad news well (that is, not “blow up”) but he asks the question: “How did it happen?”
• There are two primary activities that make up life – resource allocation (time, our “brain”, talents, financial resources) and conflict resolution. We are constantly making choices about how to use our time, talents, money, etc. and this is the daily activities of our lives. But because we live in relationship with others, and we all have our unique perspectives, values and priorities, this leads to conflicts over how resources should be allocated. And so the second most frequent activity we engaged in is managing these conflicts over the use of our resources.

I found Mr. Sepulveda an extremely engaging speaker, a thoughtful leader, and one who clearly caused me to repeatedly ask myself: “Really?” “Is that true?” He brings a unique perspective to leadership and daily life. If you ever have the chance to hear him speak, I would encourage you to choose to do so.

Business Success, Conflict, Conflict resolution, Executive performance, Leadership, Management, work

Most “gifts” in our culture are tangible presents — either something we buy, or sometimes make, for another.  So when we think of Christmas gifts, or presents for other events like birthdays and anniversaries, we think of “things”.  However, given that most people are hard to buy presents for because they “already have everything”, truly meaningful gifts are often taking on a different characteristic.

This past week I had a birthday and I had a wonderful day.  I started by sleeping in a little, and then went for a run on a cool, fall morning.  I went to work for the morning, and then had a nice lunch with some friends and one of my sons.  After completing my work in the afternoon, I met up with my family (all except my son who is at college in Texas) and they gave me my birthday gift.

The gift I asked for was not one they (or I could purchase) and not the typical gift you unwrap.  They gave me the gift of taking time out to (willingly) do an activity with me that I enjoy — and wanted to do together with them. In some ways the activity itself is not that important.  In fact, it might be good to think about those things that you would enjoy taking time to do on your birthday (or at Christmas), and an activity that you would really enjoy sharing with your family.  The key to this gift (for me) was that it is an activity I enjoy, but none of my family really does.  In fact, over the years, I have included them (sometimes by coercion) — asking them to go with me, and they generally haven’t enjoyed the experience.  In fact, over the years, it became clear that they really didn’t like the activity and would only go out of guilt, pressure, or not at all.

The fact that they chose to go with me truly was a gift because it was a sacrifice for them to participate.  What made it even more special and fun for me was that we actually had a good time together (I had fun because they did).

So after we were done fishing together for two hours, we went home and enjoyed a home-cooked steak, salad and baked potato dinner — along with the traditional birthday cake.

And then the fun continued — we hung out together and played a board game together, laughing at each other until we were ready to call it a night (at least, for Kathy and I).  Not the typical Friday night that teens and young adults sit around wishing for.  But I enjoyed the time with them, and I appreciate the gift of time and fun they gave me.

So for those of us that have a difficult time thinking of “what to get” friends or family members for a gift, I would encourage you to consider giving them the gift of time — especially inviting or planning to do something with them that they really enjoy doing but maybe don’t get to do as often as they like — or that you usually don’t do with them.  It is the kind of gift that money can’t buy.

Friends, although the text on my most recent blog entry appears on my blog site, the version that was sent out to subscribers was blank.  Not sure how (or why) that happened. Sorry.

So, rather than go through the same action again, I think the easiest solution is for you to click here and it will send you directly to the entry, entitled “Principles for Leading Effectively in Times of Financial Turmoil”.   Sorry for the hassle.