Our culture is information saturated.  In fact, I would say many of us are information addicts.  We think we need to know more, or at least the latest information, before we make a decision or act.  The problem is — there is so much information available and it is coming at us so quickly, we really can’t know everything on a specific topic. 

In thinking about why we feel we need so much information, I reflect on a parenting principle I often share with families.  Children are not in control of much in their lives (especially younger children).  We pick where they live, make their meals, buy their clothes, and dictate how much of their time is used.  But people of all ages like to feel they are in control of their lives.  One way children gain a sense of control in their lives is through predictability.  They tend to do better when there is a pattern of routine in their lives which gives them a general ability to predict what is going to happen — around mealtime (when/where they eat), bedtime, a favorite TV show they watch, or what the family does on Saturday mornings.  They really aren’t in control but they have the illusion of control through predictability.  This is fine and actually healthy.

I believe a similar dynamic may occur as we get older.  I believe the rapid changes in our world create an overall anxiety in our lives — we are less able to predict what life will be like because so much is changing so fast.  Gasoline prices fluctuate, our favorite restaurant goes out of business, our son or daughter gets a new job and is moving out of town, our largest customer is bought by another company and may not continue to buy from us, there are new cell phones and service options coming out monthly, the capabilities of digital cameras increase every few months.  And on it goes.

One way we try to manage this change (and our anxiety — that is, our fear of making a mistake) is to keep informed — listen to the news on the radio, visit our favorite news website at least 2-3 times a day, read our mail/email/newspaper/magazines/professional journals, watch the “talking heads” on TV at night, search the Web for the latest reviews on products.  And, to a point, this is appropriate.

However, in working with individuals, business managers, and families, I find many people become paralyzed in making decisions or moving forward with a plan of action because they are constantly re-evaluating the situation and feel driven to gather more information.   At some point, though, enough is enough.

I think we need to be asking ourselves some questions, to help us determine if we need more information, and if so, how much more information we need, and where we will gather the information (to make sure it is accurate, an increasing problem in our information overloaded world.)

If you find yourself (or one of your colleagues) continuing to put off making a decision or taking an action step because “we need to get some more information first”, I would encourage you to ask yourself the following questions:

1) What more information do I need, really?  What specifically do I need to know that I don’t know now?  How will having this information affect my decision (or will it)?

2) What information do I need just to start the process? (Often the plan of action is a series of steps, and more information will actually be gathered along the way as you go through the process.  Usually, it is impossible to gather all of the information desired up front, because the data will change depending upon decisions made in the process.)

3) What are the risks (realistically) of proceeding with 80% of the information (versus having 90%+)?

4) What, besides my perceived need for more information, is prohibiting me from moving forward in achieving my goal? 

Potential factors:  fear of making a wrong decision, letting the “urgent” details of daily life squeeze out the “important”, really not wanting to deal with the issue, fear of conflict which may result from the decision.

Let me give you some practical areas where I see this issue raise its ugly head:

  a) staffing decisions.  Needing to hire for a new position, or more frequently, procrastinating in letting go someone who is not good for the business.

  b) long-term planning decisions.  Sitting down and starting to put together your personal estate/wealth transfer plan.  Avoiding making decisions about business succession - both ownership succession and management succession.

  c) personal career direction. What college should I go to?  What major should I choose?  Should I change career directions and pursue another area of interest?  Should I really start looking for another company to work for?  Should I get some training in another area because my current job is a dead-end?

  I am sure there are lots of other areas where this issue applies.  The key question I think we need to keep asking ourselves is:  What more information do I need, really?

One of the most common statements I hear from families with whom I work is: “We just want our kids and grandchildren to develop a good work ethic.”  This is sometimes in the context of discussing their wealth transfer plan, and they don’t want to leave their heirs so much money that it interferes in their developing foundational character qualities.  Sometimes the comment is in the midst of business succession planning and the parents are stating that it doesn’t matter to them whether or not their kids work in the business, but they want them to work somewhere.  Or sometimes the statement comes in the midst of discussion about leaving a legacy and passing one’s values onto the next generation.  Almost always, a “good work ethic” is included in the list of important values.

But do we really know what we mean when we say “good work ethic”?  I am convinced many people do (usually those who have one), but for many,  the term is largely symbolic and when asked what they mean, they have a hard time describing what a good work ethic really is.  My contention is — if you can’t describe it, you may not know what it looks like when you get there, and clearly you aren’t able to design a plan to help your children grow in these characteristics.

First, we need to understand they are skills, behaviors and habits that can be taught and learned.  That is, they aren’t transferred through your gene pool.

Characteristics that describe a “good worker” include:

  1. Showing up.  Unbelieveably (to me), one of the consistent character qualities business owners and managers report to me is that they want someone who just show up.  Many times employees just “don’t show” — sometimes they call, sometimes they don’t.  And this isn’t just for entry level unskilled labor, this includes college graduate “professionals”.

  2. Being punctual.  Employers want someone who will come to work on time and are ready to work when they are supposed to be.  Unfortunately this is a problem in our culture today — many people are always “running late”.  I often comment — if you were scheduled to have an appointment with someone you really admire and want to meet, would you be late?  Or if you knew you would get $100 for being early, would you make sure you accounted for unexpected obstacles?  Punctuality is a choice, nothing more, nothing less.

  3. Following instructions.  This starts with listening when the instructions are given and then making sure you understand the instructions — if not, asking clarifying questions to ensure understanding.  Then actually doing what you have been told to (and in the way you were instructed) is important.  Many employers complain to me that young people think they “know better” and choose to skip steps because they don’t think they are necessary.

  4. Staying on task.  Continuing to work and getting the job done (even when no one is watching) is a habit that develops over time.  It includes putting forth a consistent, good effort; not taking excessive breaks, and continuing to work even when you are tired.  Like a physical muscle, I believe the mental and emotional toughness needed to keep working develops over time with practice.

  5. Doing quality work.  Completing the task in a quality manner, rather than doing the minimum necessary, will set apart an individual from most of their competitors or peers.  Having pride in accomplishing a task well, even though it takes extra time and effort, is a quality someone who is accomplished in their field develops.  And it starts with the “little things” — mowing and trimming the lawn, folding clothes neatly, putting away all of the dishes in their correct place, cleaning out the car, etc.  And individuals who learn to “above and beyond” their customers or employers expectations are setting themselves up for a lifetime of success.

  6. Having a positive “can do” attitude.  Individuals who approach a task with the attitude of “le’ts see how we can get this done” are more likely to be successful (and are more fun to be around) than workers who have a negative, critical and complaining attitude. Just recently, I had an employer tell me this is one of their core characteristics they look for — he said, “We’ve learned that we can teach a lot of skills but we can’t teach a positive attitude.”

  7. Demonstrating creative problem-solving.  Probably one of the most desired character qualities is the ability to figure out a way to get the task done even when one has encountered an obstacle or problem.  Many people stop and wait for the “boss” to figure it out (often just hanging out, wasting time).  Others will go and report something like “it won’t work” or “we can’t get it done because …” (and then the supervisor either tells them or shows them how it can be done.)  Individuals who will stop and think, use the resources at hand (even by asking for help or advice), and figure out a way to overcome the challenge become a incredibly valuable asset to the organization for which they work.

These are a few of the basics needed in order to have a good work ethic.  And most of us, when reading the list, say “Yea, I’d love to have workers like that.”  

But the real questions are:  Would others say I demonstrate these characteristics?  If not, which ones do I need to work on?  How will I do this?

Do my children and grandchildren display these behaviors?  What can I be doing to help them learn and practice these habits? 

I have often been asked to speak on managing stress, work & life balance, and similar topics. But I have never been asked to speak about (and I have never seen an article on) rest.

This is one of those postings that clearly comes from my personal experience (and is one of those topics I am giving myself the liberty to write about even though I clearly haven’t integrated the concept fully into my life.) Obviously, the topic arises from my own experience of being tired recently. I have been travelling more than I am used to, and the past few days I just was whipped — physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally. So I began to think about the need to rest. And I realized that there are really several different ways to “rest”.

For many people (myself included at times) the concept of rest translates almost immediately into the idea of sleeping. I am tired. Therefore, I need to sleep. And this is clearly an issue — the number of articles about sleep deprivation in our culture is almost overwhelming, and numbing. Yes, we need to sleep more.

However, resting is a broader concept than sleeping. I have had to learn to let myself just lie down and rest, even though I am not sleepy, or when I can’t sleep. (In earlier days, I would get exceedingly uptight and even angry about not being able to sleep and thus lost the opportunity to rest during this period of time.) So resting can be in the form of lying down and closing your eyes, even if you don’t sleep — or just sitting down and doing nothing.

Besides physical rest, I have become aware of other types of “rest” that I need. For me, mental and emotional rest are also needed. My work is rarely physically demanding but my mind is working hard and many situations I work in require emotional strength and energy as well. Given that I am a stimulation seeking type of person, I sometimes have to “work” at giving my mind a rest — not listening to the radio or music, not doing light reading, not thinking about things (and making lists of tasks to accomplish). Sometimes I just need quiet. Other times I need to do something physical (exercise, taking a walk, doing some yardwork, fishing) that doesn’t require processing words and which distracts me enough that I am not thinking a lot in words.

I need social rest. That is, there are times I need a break from people. I want to be by myself. I don’t want to talk, listen, or interact with another human. This is rare for me, given my social nature, but I do “reach my limit” and go off by myself.

I have become aware of the need for spiritual rest. Sometimes my life is characterized by striving, a lack of peace, wanting to be and do something significant — and these desires can get me “wound up” into either frenetic activity, excessive worrying, or a general irritability. During these times, I need to take some time for a spiritual retreat and gain a more correct perspective on who I really am and my place in the universe.

Besides these different types of rest, I also see how there are different amounts of rest needed — daily, weekly, and longer periods of refreshment (e.g vacations, sabbaticals). This past weekend I was really “spent” and needed a few days of rest — extra sleep, periods of not doing much productive, solitude, recreation (lesiure activities that re-create emotional energy, for me this usually involves nature), and spiritual reflection. After about four days I am “back” and ready to go!

So think about this issue for yourself. How much rest are you getting? What kind of rest do you need? I would encourage you to think about proactive steps and planning you might take in the coming week or two, to get some needed and refreshing rest for yourself. You will probably become more productive overall. You certainly will be more fun to be around. And I would guess that you will enjoy yourself and your life more, too!

Any tree that produces fruit needs nourishment, refreshment, and a time when it is not producing fruit — in order for the tree to remain healthy and for the fruit to be of any value. We are the same.

The topic of “work” has been in many of my discussions recently. It is the time of the year when parents and their student-children (especially high school and college aged) are discussing plans for this coming summer. And, in my house at least, the topic of work is part of that discussion.

But, additionally, many families with whom I work are consistently asking: “How do we develop a ‘work ethic’ in our kids?” or “How do we keep our children from developing a sense of entitlement, given our financial situation?” In fact, this is a common topic in the financial publications (for example, “Avoiding Entitlement” in the March 2007 edition of Worth.)

Ok, so let me straightforward about this. Kids (and people of all ages) learn how to work by working. You can’t teach them by lecturing about it, by showing them a documentary on work, by having them read a book on “developing a work ethic”, or by telling them stories about your childhood (two of the four of those are fairly common strategies used by parents and grandparents.)

And this is a problem in our culture today — especially the subculture of financial wealth — children and young people have very little experience in “working”. And largely, because of the choices we are making, they have very little opportunity to learn how to work.

In one family I served, one of the parents’ stated goals was for their children to learn a good work ethic. The problem was — their kids were already in their late teens and early twenties, and they hadn’t been raised to do much. Their parents had a housekeeper, a cook, gardeners and a lawncare service, a personal assistant who ran errands, a pool cleaning service, and the student who lived at college had a weekly private laundry service. In the summertime, the students were busy going on trips with their friends, their friends’ families, sports camps, as well as a family vacation. And their schedules were the same over Christmas break and Spring break — they were always going somewhere fun. During some summers, they would put in a few token hours at their father’s business (e.g. 2 hours a day) and get paid handsomely for it. This was essentially their experience of what “work” was.

Obviously, these young people really had no opportunity to learn how to work — largely because the parents had not made learning to work a priority. And this happens all the time.

One part of the problem is that it is costly (and a hassle) for parents to help structure the experiences of work — whether it is chores at home or summertime work. You have to make it a priority and some other part of your lives have to “give”. Your student may not be able to go on an exciting three week vacation with their friends, or your family vacation may be impacted as well.

A second aspect of the problem is that making choices to teach your children how to work is currently countercultural. If you have some financial freedom, the message is that you should allow your children to experience the best of life — exotic Spring break trips, being able to play on the best club sports team and travel every weekend to tournaments, or go to really neat educational camps or internships during the summer. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with each of these, in and of themselves. However, at some point parents have to say “no, you need to work this summer”. Or, “you can’t go to the sleepover until your room is clean”. (There are lots of variations of these statements! All of which are based upon the principle — work comes before play.)

To illustrate the seriousness of the issue, let me cite some discussions I have had recently with business owners across the country. When I ask them what they are looking for in people they want to work for them, three answers are common. They want someone who will: (a) show up (that is, they actually come to work); (b) show up on time; and (c) listen to and follow instructions. A pretty low level of expectation. And, interestingly, these characteristics do not just apply to high school students working at restaurants and retail stores, but for young adults beginning their careers after college.

I have a lot to say on this topic, but let me leave you with the following challenge. As you look toward your family’s summer plans, I would strongly encourage you to ask yourself:

“Will any of the activities planned help my children learn how to make and keep commitments, to do tasks that they really don’t want to do, and help them learn what the world of work is like?”

If not, when are they going to learn these characteristics?