Dr. Paul White

Archive for October, 2007

Networking Can Maximize the Search for Good Hires

Thursday, October 25th, 2007

I am pleased to share the following article which was published in the business section of today’s Wichita Eagle.  If you want to send others to it at the Eagle, the link is  http://www.kansas.com/business/perspectives/story/209379.html .

Networking Can Maximize the Search for Good Hires

I was talking to a friend who is the vice president for business development at his company. He was looking for a new project manager. “If you hear of anyone who may fit the qualifications, have them contact me,” he said. 

I asked him why couldn’t he find someone through the regular processes — the classifieds or employment Web sites. “Finding good people is tough,” he said. “You get hundreds of resumes from the online sources, but over 50 percent aren’t even close to being qualified. That still leaves 80 to 100 resumes to sift through, call, and take through the process. I don’t have the time, and it is like finding a needle in a haystack. It is easier to find someone through my business relationships.” 

As I work with businesses both locally and nationally, this is an oft-repeated scenario. Business managers are frustrated with the difficulty of locating qualified and quality employees. Interestingly, on the other side, I also see young adults who are having difficulty entering the job market — and they offer similarly negative reports about the application process. 

The hiring and job search system isn’t working well. Why? We have the technology and electronic connectedness to reach out to millions of potential workers across the world. But we do not have the systems in place to process all of the information, and get the right kind of information to help match employers and potential employees. 

“Good” employees — those who work well in a specific business — must not only have the right kind of technical training and expertise, but they also must match the cultural milieu of the company — its communication style, dress code and work ethic. Employers are looking for positive character qualities, as well: a desire to learn, the ability to work well on a team with others, dependability, attention to detail, willingness to follow directions. It is extremely difficult to determine whether an applicant has these qualities through their resume, an interview or a conversation with references. 

Managers often default to the method that has worked in the past: networking. It isn’t perfect, but getting referrals from those who know you and your business is still one of the best ways to find someone who may fit well with your company. Here are some tips on how to maximize your networking in today’s business climate: 

• Don’t wait until you have an open position to let people know you are looking for good people. I have a successful businessman who repeatedly tells me: “If you know of any good people looking for work, send them my way. Give them my cell number and have them call me. We are always looking for good people.” I have done so, and he has hired people I have referred to him. • Talk to (or e-mail) friends and business associates who are well-connected and know a lot of people. Don’t just talk to your normal circle of friends. Include your CPA, financial advisor, insurance agent, pastor and your business associates who are out talking to people a lot. 

• Develop a page on your company’s Web site describing the types of people you are looking for. You can more fully describe the character qualities, types of jobs and training, and your business’ culture and values. Make sure you provide the name, phone number or e-mail of a person to contact for more information. This is not about posting specific jobs; it is a resource to direct friends to. • Create ongoing relationships with trainers and educators. Get to know the faculty at the local colleges. Meet with the instructors at the vocational/technical schools. And be sure to find ways to keep in touch with the career placement counselors at each training institution in your community. 

• In the areas where you will have ongoing staffing needs, create internships or part-time positions for students. The best way to land good talent is to get them while they are being trained.  Finding — and keeping — quality employees will be one of the distinguishing characteristics of successful companies in the decades ahead. Don’t stay stuck in the current nonfunctional system.  

 

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Posted in Family Business Issues, Career Development, Management, Career Direction, Career Exploration, Work | 1 Comment »

The Dark Side of Wealth: Risks associated with growing up in an affluent family - Risk #3: Low self-esteem

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

The third theme I have observed in financially successful families is that many of their children and grandchildren struggle with poor self-esteem and low self-confidence.  Now let’s get this straight from the beginning — although I am a psychologist, I do not believe that feeling good about oneself is the goal of life (nor of parenting or education). 

Self-esteem (that is, having a positive view of one’s self) is not a goal, it is a result of other good things in your life.  Self-esteem is not global; it is situation specific and is the result of being competent.  As we develop competencies in our children, and they begin to demonstrate these competencies, their confidence grows (in that skill or area of application).   Thus, telling a child that they are “good” or “special” has virtually no impact on how they feel about themselves.  But teaching them various skills – how to dribble a basketball, learning to play the piano, learning how to bake cookies, riding a bike, balancing a checkbook, learning how to play chess — that is how a child’s self-esteem is built.

Why, then, do many descendants of wealthy or successful individuals struggle with feeling good about themselves?  There are a number of factors to consider.

First, we must understand that “skill” is relative.  Learning to play chess at age four or five is a relatively impressive feat.  But even a bright seven year old girl who has advanced skills typically will be no match for a sixteen year old ranked player, and her skill will pale in comparison to her father’s, who is an internationally ranked chess master.  The same is true for budding athletes, developing entrepreneurs, academic scholars, accomplished musicians – you can take any field.  When you are growing up in a family where your parents or grandparents are known as one of the most successful individuals in their respective field of expertise (business, technology, entertainment, sports) — your skill level, no matter how good you are, probably can’t compete with the level of success your parent / grandparent has achieved.  Thus, feeling good about your skill level is difficult because “I’ll never be as good as . . . ” (which may or may not be true in the future, but currently your skill level has not developed to level of your parent’s at the height of their career).

A second issue which contributes to struggles with self-confidence in descendants of successful families is the reality of life called “regression toward the mean”.  If you think about a bell-shaped curve, the issue becomes clearer.  The bell-shaped curve visually represents the fact that most people are average (average height, average intelligence, average musicians, etc.) and this is the large group in the middle of the curve.  There are fewer above average individuals (and similarly, fewer below average) and even fewer really skilled individuals — in any area of life.  This small group of really skilled individuals is represented by the small “tail” at the far right hand side of the curve.  These are the people who have the combination of natural ability, access to training, the requisite personality characteristics, and possibly the good fortune of being in the right place at the right time — to be highly successful in their field.  And, as reality demonstrates, in comparison to all of the people in the world, there aren’t many of them (e.g. Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, Jerry Seinfeld, Yo Yo Ma).  Although the pure number of individuals may seem large, in comparison to 6.5 billion people, the relative percentage is extremely small.

“Regression to the mean” speaks to the statistical reality that if a person (or family) is on the extreme end of the bell-curve (either end, actually), the probability is huge that their life will be closer to the mean (the average) than their successful family member’s experience.  Let’s use some practical examples.  If you take two really tall people and they get married and have kids, it is more likely that their children will be closer to average height than it is that they will be taller than their parents (although it is probable they will be above average in height).  Or if two extremely athletic individuals get married (one is a pro basketball player and the other competed in the Olympics in track and field), the likelihood of their children being as successful in athletics as they were is quite small.  In fact, if they have multiple children, it is quite probable that one of their children will just be average or slightly above average in athletic ability — while another child might be fairly good. 

The same pattern exists regardless of the field — computer science, business success, physical attractiveness, artistic ability.  Children of extremely talented and successful individuals are more likely to have less skill and / or success than their highly successful parents who are in the top 2% of their field.  This is the reality of life.

Thus, if children or grandchildren of successful families are trying to reach the same level of skill, ability or success in their field — the probability is low that this will occur.  And since, for most of us, “success” is relative to whom we are comparing ourselves, the child or grandchild will most probably come up short.

The third factor that contributes to low self-esteem among wealthy family members has to do with the issue of competence.  Gaining a skill or ability takes time and effort to develop, even if you have natural ability.  Time and effort require time availability (you can’t practice the piano or tennis if you are busy doing other things), self-discipline and perseverance.  Add to the mix of all of this the factor of overcoming obstacles and challenges (”if it were easy, everybody could do it”).  Do you see where I am going?

Successful parents want their children and grandchildren to be successful.  But often we may try to make the path to success a little easier for them — get them the best teachers and coaches, and the best facilities or equipment.  This is helpful, generally.  But at some point virtually all successful individuals have to struggle, they have to “push through” challenges in order to reach their goals.  And if parents or grandparents don’t let them do this — which will probably include the risk of failure (or not succeeding at the task) — the child’s true ability won’t be able to develop, along with the accompanying character qualities.

So what am I saying to parents and grandparents in all of this?

1. It is highly likely that your children or grandchildren will not be as talented, skilled or successful as you are. (I can hear a lot of mental comments like, “You don’t know my grandchildren” or “Not if I can help it.”)

2. Help them develop their own unique skills and abilities rather than just focusing on the areas where you or other family members have been successful.

3. Realize that children and grandchildren will naturally compare themselves to you and find themselves “coming up short” in comparison.  Thus, it will be important for you to not constantly make references of comparison, and it will be helpful to focus on developing and recognizing their unique abilities.

4. Work with your child to build competencies in a variety of areas of life.  When we are compentent to handle a variety of situations, and practice doing so, we develop confidence.  When we have skill-based confidence we tend to feel good about ourselves.

5. Communicate your love and acceptance for children and grandchildren regardless of their level of achievement.

There is a lot to say and expand upon regarding #5 — especially to those of us who are fathers.  But I will save that discussion for another day.

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Posted in Emotional Intelligence, Wealth Transfer, Personal Development, Character Development, Family, Life Stages, wealthy families | No Comments »

The Dark Side of Wealth: Risks associated with growing up in an affluent family – Risk #2: No sense of direction or purpose in life

Saturday, October 13th, 2007

Following up last week’s entry on the risk of drug and alcohol abuse in wealthy families, the second risk from growing up in an affluent family I see among second- and third-generation family members is an overall sense of being “lost” in life. I frequently interact with individuals who have been raised in a wealthy environment, and they really don’t have a sense of purpose or meaning in their lives. Sometimes they are just “floating” and sort of hanging out. Other times they want to “go somewhere” and do something meaningful, but can’t find the right direction.

I have some observations about this dynamic and some possible underlying reasons. Although work is not the sole purpose or reason for living (thankfully), work does bring structure to our lives. As I have stated before, our culture has misperceptions about the purpose of work — primarily that we work to earn money. Thus, if a person or family has excess money for their needs and desires, they sometimes see no reason why they should have to work.

The problem with this view is that work is much more. The process of working provides us with the opportunity to learn, to try new tasks, to be exposed to new information and experiences, to develop new skills and abilitites, to problem solve and persevere, to create, to serve others, to accomplish tasks with our hands and see the results of our efforts. Just like the pleasure that comes from completing a difficult physical task out in nature — like climbing a mountain or running a marathon — so there is an innate sense of satisfaction that comes from working hard and completing a task. Also, when one does have to earn money to pay the bills or to save up to buy a car, there is the pride of accomplishment.

Individuals who come from families of wealth in some ways could be seen as being deprived of the opportunity to experience some of these feelings. There is an ancient Middle Eastern proverb that states, “The worker’s hunger drives him to work”. That is, when you are in need, you are motivated to work. Conversely, (and many political and economic policies are based on this belief) when a person feels no need or want, many people are not as motivated to work.

This issue speaks directly to parenting in our country and in wealthy families. If a child has everything they need, want, or could ever desire given to them (or provided for them), why should they work? What is the purpose of saving money if you know you will get the latest video iPod at Christmas or a luxury sportscar when you turn 16? If all you have to do is wait for the next holiday or birthday, and you will get whatever you want, why plan ahead or work on long-term goals?

So I propose that parents (and grandparents) engage in planned non-giving. Yes, you have the money to buy x,y or z. And yes, it would be a neat opportunity for your grandchild to go on an educational trip to (fill in the blank). But I suggest it would be better for them to have to earn some things (and experiences) themselves — and it will take longer for this to happen or they may “miss out” on some experiences, but the overall results in their life will be healthier.

One very wealthy family ($100M+) with whom I worked in Texas had it right, I think. The teenage kids had to pay for 50% of the cost of their first car. And their money had to come from either wages earned or birthday/Christmas money (that is, no trust money was involved). Plus, they had to pay for one half of their auto insurance. So the kids had choices to make. Play sports and work less, or work more and not go out for cross country. Buy a car now or save some more and get a nicer car in six months. This created an interesting problem for the family. One of the sons bought an older “beater” car, which was fine with the family. But many of the family’s wealthy friends would not let their children ride in the car because they did not feel it was sufficiently safe. Oh well.

One of the ancillary results of this issue — the lack of purpose and direction in life — has led me to do quite a bit of career coaching for family members. From teens to college students to young adults, and even middle aged adults — helping them find purposeful activity where they feel like they are using their skills and talents to help others or to do something productive with their life. Note that this is not necessarily an easy task, as has been addressed by a number of books, (see some of the resources put out by The Inheritance Project).

The “answer” to this issue is obviously not simple (”what is the purpose and meaning of your life?” “Why was I born into this set of fortunate circumstances?”). However, I do believe it is easier for individuals to actively engage in seeking the answers when there is a sense of struggle in life. Just like muscles become stronger when we push against resistance, so the fabric and core of “who we are” develops and becomes more clear when we have to struggle in life.

So, if you are a parent or grandparent, do your kids and grandchildren a favor. Don’t make everything easy for them. Don’t problem-solve for them all the time. Let them struggle. Give them the opportunity to persevere and overcome challenges (or maybe not) on their own. Through these difficulties they will gain the true sense of satisfaction in life that you want them to experience.

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Posted in Family Business Issues, Career Direction, Wealth Transfer, Character Development, Family, Life Stages, Work, wealthy families | No Comments »

The Dark Side of Wealth: Risks associated with growing up in an affluent family – Risk #1: Drug & Alcohol Abuse

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

I apologize to my friend, Thayer Willis, for borrowing from the title of her excellent book, Navigating the Dark Side of Wealth, for this entry, but I really couldn’t think of a better description of the topic.

As I work with financially successful families across the country, I repeatedly see three negative patterns in family members. Most often (but not always) the problems are seen in second generation (children) and third generation (grandchildren) family members. The most serious of the three is drug and alcohol abuse. [I plan to address the other two themes in future postings.]

Drug and Alcohol Abuse

This is the “black hole” into which many individuals have fallen, some of whom spend their whole lives trying to escape from it. Unfortunately, others cease trying and either slowly kill themselves over time or end their lives abruptly.

Why do many wealthy family members struggle with drug and alcohol addiction? There are many possibilities, but I will share my own observations.

First, we need to recognize that many individuals struggle with drug and alcohol abuse, regardless of their financial status. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, in 2006 approximately 20 million Americans (8.3% of the population ages 12 and older) used illicit drugs within the month prior to the survey. Similarly, 23% of individuals 12 and older reported binge drinking at least once in the past month and 6.9% of the population reported heavy drinking (defined as binge drinking on at least 5 days in the past 30 days).  Interestingly, the binge drinking rate was 42% for young adults aged 18 to 25 and the rate of heavy drinking was 15%.  So we should expect a similar incidence rate for families of wealth. It may seem to some that the frequency of substance abuse is higher in wealthy families, but this may just be perception or the fact that these families often are more visible within the community. Regardless, I think the pathway of substance abuse for individuals from wealthy families has some unique characteristics.

The Pursuit of Pleasure. For some families their use of wealth is to pursue fun, excitement and pleasure. From the time the children are young, they go numerous exotic trips and the kids are sent to lengthy (four to six week) prestigious camps during the summer. As they become preteens and adolescents, they go on vacations every Christmas vacation and Spring break – to the family’s condo in Aspen for skiing, and to the beach house in Hawaii, the Caribbean or Mexico, along with cruises and excursions to Europe. In their later teens, they obviously go to the most challenging prep school (and many times, boarding school), drive luxury sports cars or SUVs, and basically pursue having a lot of fun. It is during this period (if not in middle school) that they start drinking, “partying”, and experimenting with drugs (usually pot and Ecstasy first).

The combination of access to easy money, a lot of free time, not much parental supervision, and a drive toward excitement leads to an expanded use of drug and alcohol. I believe additional factor includes a lack of purpose and meaning in life beyond pursuing pleasure.

In our culture, the primary view of work is for the purpose of earning money (to support yourself and buy what you need or want). If you have a lot of money (or your family does), the belief is that you really don’t need to work. So studying hard in school loses its meaning and finding a career direction isn’t a high priority (“I can always work for the family business or foundation.”)  In situations like this, it can be hard to find purpose or meaning in life beyond pursuing pleasure (see Jessie O’Neil’s book, The Golden Ghetto for her personal reflections on this issue.)

The coup d’etat of drug and alcohol abuse in wealthy families is that it is really difficult for the individual to “hit bottom”. It doesn’t take much money to keep an addict going (as evidenced by the homeless, unemployed alcoholics) and many wealthy family members have access to an almost unlimited amount of money. So how are they going to “reach the end of their rope”? Unless families take a very tough stand – to the point of seeming mean – the bottom may never be reached. And so the drug and alcohol use continues indefinitely.

Now, it is easy to describe a problem. It is far more difficult to give an answer.

I am not an addictions expert, by any stretch of the imagination. Each individual’s situation is unique, and there are many contributing factors to addictive behavior. However, I would suggest the following issues that families of wealth need to consider:

1. Be actively involved in your children’s lives. Do not parent by proxy, delegating your parenting to others. Be involved in their school activities and their peer relationships. Don’t be so busy with your activities that you are unable to supervise what is going on in their lives.

2. Identify the purpose and meaning of your family’s wealth and teach this to your children. Is your wealth only for your benefit? I believe if your view of wealth is primarily for your comfort and pursuit of pleasure, you run the risk of significant problems in your family in the future.

3. Understand that the purpose of “work” is more than earning money. Work (whether it is for money, volunteering, or chores at home) brings meaning to life. Using our time, energy and talents for the service of others gives us a sense of purpose. We need to work to develop our skills and abilities, and to find out what we are good at, and what we enjoy doing.

Like any aspect of parenting, there are no guarantees. I view these three issues as “vitamins” in a family’s life that can lead to a healthy family and help reduce the likelihood of serious problems.  There is much more which can be discussed regarding this topic, and I don’t want to diminish the seriousness of the issue with a light treatment.  But I think a brief introduction to some preventative steps that can be taken can hopefully cause some deeper thought with significant results down the road.

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Posted in Parenting Adult Children, Family Business Issues, Emotional Intelligence, Wealth Transfer, Character Development, Family, Work, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, wealthy families | 3 Comments »