Friends, I thought I would briefly share about two significant events in my life this week.

1. My wedding anniversary. As of September 1, my lovely wife, Kathy, and I have been married 31 years. So it’s not one of those “special” years, but this year does seem special — partially, I think, because all four of our adult children are “out and about”. Plus, Kathy and I are enjoying our relationship more than we have in several years. So celebrating our life together seems appropriate. Finally, we realized (it takes a while for things to sink in sometimes) that we have been married a long time when one of our younger friends said to us: “You were married before I was born!”

2. Completion of my book. Some of you may know that I have been working on a project for about four years which has led to the writing and publishing of a book. Earlier this week, Dr. Gary Chapman (author of the NY Times #1 bestseller, 5 Love Languages) and I completed the manuscript of our book — 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People. It is going to the publisher for editing now, and won’t be released until next summer (July 2011), but this was a major milestone for us. There is still much to be done — we are developing training resources for businesses and organizations — but now we can say, “The book is done!” (You can be sure I will sure more about the book and related activities in the future.)

So, rejoice with us — and have a great week!

I am just returning from a few days off. And it never ceases to amaze me how different people are in what constitutes a “vacation”.

I think it is critical to know what rejuvenates you and to actively include these activities in your schedule. I will admit that I am not very good at taking long vacations (although I am starting to think about them more seriously), but I do think I am fairly good at knowing what re-energizes me, and including those activities in my daily and weekly schedule.

Unfortunately, I think the media blitz we all face daily plus reports from others around us bias us away from those activities which we may really desire. Let me share a few examples of categories of rejuvenating activities (and feel free to share your own ideas).

Nature. This is first, because it is my #1 category. I truly don’t feel like I have been on vacation unless it includes some significant time in nature — staying at a cabin in the woods, hiking, fishing, rafting, swimming in the ocean or a lake. I am fortunate that I live in an area where I have nature surrounding my house (trees, birds, singing insects & frogs, deer and other animals). So when I come home from work, I have the opportunity to have a brief respite from the stresses of the day.

Music. Music can be very restorative. And different kinds of music help us in various ways — soothing instrumental jazz, mellow folk music, energizing bluegrass or classic rock, classical music of various genre’s. I personally am finding selective use of music is more impactful than having it on all the time (e.g. in the background).

Silence. We live in a busy, noisy world. And we add more noises to our lives with talk radio, the news on TV, background music. Finding a quiet place can be a challenge, but incredibly rewarding. Sometimes after I arrive and get settled in my office, I take just 5 minutes to sit, be quiet and enjoy silence.

Solitude and reflection. I am an extrovert by nature, and in my early adult years, I would rarely choose to have an extended time of silence and reflection on my own (I was always looking for a party!). And I still cannot take as much time by myself as my wife enjoys, but slowing down, not sitting in front of the TV (or computer), getting by myself, reading some reflective material (and even occasionally writing in my journal), certainly has a place in restoring my inner soul.

Social interaction. Some people (usually extroverts) actually get energized by being around others. They (we) enjoy the energy from being in a social situation or experiencing an event with a large crowd. Like anything, getting energized by being around others needs to be done in moderation (extroverts can become like over-tired two year old’s — everyone else knows they are tired and need to go to bed before the person themselves do!)

Spiritual reflection and learning. This could be similar to solitude and reflection, but sometimes activity is more self-focused — reflecting on one’s life. This activity may include reading sacred writings, inspirational books by spiritual leaders, or going to a retreat to obtain spiritual instruction. Without keeping one’s life centered on your core spiritual beliefs, your life is at risk for spinning out of control.

Physical activity. For many of us, our work and daily lives are sedentary and inside. Getting physical activity and exercise, along with experiencing the sunlight and breeze on our skin gives us more energy than if we continue to sit at a desk or lying on our bed. (For me, the combination of physical activity + nature is a wonderful combination.)

Hobbies, artistic activities and recreation. This is a combination of a fairly broad range of activities but, when done appropriately, they are restorative — they re-create us. The activity can vary tremendously — painting & drawing, building models, gardening, playing softball, knitting, woodcarving — which is part of their beauty. Each person can pursue a wide range of hobbies over their lifetime (think of the different hobbies you have done over the years.)

I am sure there are many other ways to become rejuvenated. The real trick is to: a) find out what is restorative to you (and not do something because someone else likes to); and b) do it as part of your daily, weekly and seasonal life.

I want to continue to learn and grow in practice in these areas. Please share lessons you have learned over the years in how to consistently restore your energy for life.

Sometimes someone writes an article, or gives a speech, that is noteworthy. Their thoughtfulness and manner of communication is remarkable. And you really can’t add much to what they have already said. But you want to share their thoughts with those important to you.

Such is the nature of the article, based on his commencement speech to the 2010 graduating class at the Harvard Business School, by Clayton Christensen. He is a professor at the school and was asked by the class to speak at their graduation ceremony.

I will briefly highlight some of his points — primarily to entice you to read the whole article, which can be found at this link.

Dr Christensen states that: “On the last day of class, I ask my students … to find cogent answers to three questions: First, how can I be sure that I’ll be happy in my career? Second, how can I be sure that my relationships with my spouse and my family become an enduring source of happiness? Third, how can I be sure I’ll stay out of jail?” [He goes on to report that two of his Rhodes scholar program classmates wound up spending time in jail.’

With regards to the career question, he states: “More and more MBA students come to school thinking that a career in business means buying, selling, and investing in companies. That’s unfortunate. doing deals doesn’t yield the deep rewards that come from building up people. I want students to leave my classroom knowing that.”

Regarding the second question, Christensen reports: “Over the years I’ve watched the fates of my HBS [Harvard Business School] classmates from 1979 unfold; I’ve seen more and more of them come to reunions unhappy, divorced, and alienated from their children. I can guarantee you that not a single one of them graduated with the deliberate strategy of getting divorced and raising children who would become estranged from them. And yet a shocking number of them implemented that strategy. The reason? They didn’t keep the purpose of their lives front and center as they decided how to spend their time, talents, and energy.”

He goes on to say: “Your decisions about allocating your personal time, energy, and talent ultimately shape your life’s strategy. I have a bunch of ‘businesses’ that compete for these resources: I’m trying to have a rewarding relationship with my wife, raise great kids, contribute to my community, succeed in my career, contribute to my church, and so on. And I have exactly the same problem that a corporation does. I have a limited amount of time and energy and talent. How much do I devote to each of these pursuits?”

Finally, regarding “staying out of jail”, he frames it as “how to live a life of integrity (stay out of jail). Unconsciously, we often employ the marginal cost doctrine in our personal lives when we choose between right and wrong. A voice in our head says, ‘Look, I know that as a general rule, most people shouldn’t do this. But in this particular extenuating circumstance, just this once, it’s OK.’ the marginal cost of doing something wrong ‘just this once’ always seems alluringly low. It suckers you in, and you don’t ever look at where that path ultimately is headed and at the full costs that the choice entails.”

I will let you read the rest of the article yourself so you can gain the full impact of his points.

Let me briefly add some supporting comments of my own.

Since I have the opportunity to work with business owners and financially successful individuals and families across the country, I am able to observe some repetitive patterns in families and relationships.

The most glaring theme is that there seem to be three types of individuals who are successful in business (or their chosen career):

1) those who are extremely successful largely due to a high level of commitment, drive and who have sacrificed most of the rest of their lives (physical health, family relationships, friendships, personal ethics) to achieve their goals;

2) those who have been able to maintain a sense of balance in their lives along the way due to a clear commitment to priorities in their lives; and

3) those who are somewhere in between, desiring to be balanced but often find themselves out of balance in their use of time and energy.

Members of Group 1 are often wealthy, sometimes famous, still “driving” toward career (or other) goals. They are largely unhappy, self-focused and highly insecure. My observation is that they usually are not very enjoyable to be around — they often have anger issues.

Group 2 members are usually amazing people, who are a delight to be around. They are humble, realizing that their success is probably a combination of perseverance and being in the right place at the right time. They are guided by a strong set of personal values. They have a giving approach to life and much can be learned from them.

Most of us (I think) are in Group 3. We have good intentions. We generally are going on the right path, but often need to make corrections along the way — with work/career or other pursuits getting out of balance. We need mentors, reminders and good friends to give us honest input and feedback.

Which group are you in? Where do you want to be? How can you get there?

Recently, I went to our state high school track and field championship meet — it is a wonderful spectacle — thousands of student athletes, coaches, friends and family members in one stadium. Vibrant colors are displayed in the uniforms, supportive T-shirts and baseball caps, and tents (to keep the students out of the sun). Lots of sunshine, sunscreen and water bottles.

The Saturday morning before I went to the meet to watch a friend run in the sprinting events (100 meter, 200 meter, 4 x 100 meter relay), I went for a jog by my house — which meant I was running on a dirt road with pot holes and “washboard” on the road. In the evenings, my wife and I often take walks together down the road, as well.

And I started thinking about the differences between walking, jogging and sprinting — both physically, but also in life.

Sprinting. Sprinting is cool. It is flashy. In track, the sprint events are the high profile events. At the highest level of competition, the winner of the 100 meter dash is known as “the fastest man in the world”. And man, these guys and gals can fly. They are smooth and they move with beauty.

But the events only last 10 to 50 seconds, depending on the event. “Crack”, goes the starting pistol. The athletes fly down the track. And then it is over. Someone often gets hurt — falling at the finish line, or pulling up gimpy with a pulled muscle.

Jogging. Jogging — or in track, the long distance races (1600 meters [the metric equivalent of a mile], 3200 meters or the 4 x 800 relay) — are less flashy. For some, they are boring. Young women and men steadily running around the track several times. There is a little excitement and jostling for position at the beginning of the race. Many times there is an exciting finish between two runners sprinting for the finish. (And many times there is no excitement, given the large distance between the runners.) The runners are exhausted at the end and require quite a bit of time to recover from the race.

Walking. In most track meets, there are no walking races. At longer running events (2 mile races, 10K races) they may have a two mile walking race, but they aren’t very common. Walking just isn’t much of a sporting event for most people. It is boring to watch for very long. It isn’t as physically demanding for the individual — so most athletes pursue other events.

Let’s discuss some observations and lessons for daily life that can be derived from the characteristics and differences between walking, jogging and sprinting.

Sprinting is flashy, takes a lot of talent and preparation but isn’t used much in daily life. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the need to sprint (literally, to run as fast as I can for a short distance) very often. Jogging is more for trying to keep in shape. But mostly, I walk.

In life, there are people I see from a distance or occasionally meet who seem incredibly cool. They are mega-talented, have a lot of style, and they seem to have the world by the tail. They go at a fast pace and are high profile.

But as I watch them over the long haul, many of them don’t really have staying power. They are a “flash in the pan” — bright lights & a lot of energy — but they are gone tomorrow. And often, their careers are short.

If I get in the mode of trying to sprint at work — moving real fast, making quick decisions, trying to impress others, and being primarily focused on image — I burn out fast. I don’t really get that much done. And I burn a lot of resources that require substantial time to recover. And often, I make mistakes.

Jogging takes a fair amount of effort and the distance people can jog varies greatly. Some people are in better shape than others (obviously). But even among runners, their stamina differs greatly — and you can’t necessarily tell by just looking at them.

In life, individuals differ significantly in how much emotional, mental and relational energy they have. And people’s level of personal discipline varies significantly, too. There are a lot of people who don’t have a boat-load of talent, but through commitment to get good training and daily personal discipline of doing what they need to day-in and day-out, they get a lot of work done (or develop stamina to run long distances.)

But jogging, and working consistently at a fast pace, takes energy and commitment. It is easier to walk (or not do anything), and in life, it is easier to “hang out”, do leisure activities, and not pursue goals. That is why — both for those who run long distances and those who get tasks done — joggers usually have a goal and work a disciplined plan to get there.

Most of life involves walking and walking allows for other things to be done at the same time. The majority of our life involves walking — around the house, at work, while shopping, etc. And we know walking is good for us physically. By definition, walking means you are going somewhere (versus being stagnant and passive.) In career development, I tell my coaching clients one of the major mistakes people make is to “not be going anywhere” — they are passive and waiting for something to happen.

One of things I like about walking is that I am able to do something else at the same time — think and reflect, pray, talk with Kathy, or just enjoy nature around me. When I jog (or on the rare occasion I may sprint for a short distance), my focus is on the physical activity. I am not thinking about much else.

The same is true at work or in life. If I am going at a normal walking pace, I am able to think and reflect, interact with others and enjoy the world around me while I am working. I get things done but I am not exhausted at the end of the day and I have energy left to do other things. And yes, it seems like it takes longer to get tasks done at this pace versus when I am rushing, but like the hare and the tortoise, I probably come out “ahead” at the end.

Steve Prefontaine, one of the preeminent long distance runners in the 1970’s said:

“Life’s battles don’t always go to the strongest or fastest man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the fellow who thinks he can.”

What are other lessons we can learn from these three activities? Think about it this week as you are walking.

Some books are just incredibly thought-provoking. I was recently referred to The Language of Conscience by two good friends whom I highly respect. So I ordered it and have been reading it (it is one of those books you do not finish in a couple of hours). And I am intrigued. I am not sure I fully understand all of the concepts — and I think I agree with most of the premises. But I am still thinking about it. The author, Tieman “Skipper” Dippel, Jr., sounds like a fascinating man. So I thought I’d share a bit — possibly to whet your appetite as well. Here are some quotes from the book:

“Conscience is good for society and civilization whether it is taught or whether it is instinctive. . . It is important to look at conscience as if it were a muscle or a nerve. The more you exercise it and the more you sensitize it, the more effective it is going to be.”

Tielman uses the term, “enlightened conservatism”, but do not think that he is talking about political conservatism — otherwise your assumptions and associations will lead you astray. “Enlightened conservatism, as a concept, is well described as trying create an environment in which ethical actions of character can best be performed. . . the character of choice of conscience and concern for others prevails over-self-interest.”

He goes on to contrast decisions made through convenience versus decisions made through conscience. “(D)isciples of conscience look to the future and their children to build a greater society. The disciples of convenience look more to their gains at the present. . . Leaders of convenience often have to step on teh people below them and pull down the people above them. Their weapons are personal attacks, distraction, and the negative emotions. Leaders of conscience use constructive leadership to help others move forward positively. . . Their weapons have to be integrity of purpose and devotion to common goals.”

“In order to achieve the common good, the world’s people must reach the point of saying, ‘What do I think about that?’ rather than just ‘How do I feel about that?’ . . It is in reasoning together in toleration and in appreciation of common values and common moral codes that one can seek the common good by looking beyond personal self-interest and past historical prejudices.”

Note that the book is actually a compilation of papers written and lectures given from the 1970s to early part of the twenty-first century. Tielman shows an amazing foresight on a number of issues:

“I do not see the future as being dominated so much by clashes of great ideologies such as capitalism vs. communism, as by more subtle but extremely potent influences on the culture that determines civilization’s direction. The new subtle concept is victimization and victimhood. It argues that society owes more than basic rights and that government should grow in order to fill those rights.”

“The right question is not whether you want big government or small government. The right question is what should be the role of government as the expression of the combined will of the people in regard not just to the protection of individual rights and dignity, but to the granting of economic benefits on the concept of victimization vs. individual responsibility.

“Character is the acceptance of individual responsibility. . . You cannot build character and courage by taking away initiative and independence, and you cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they can and should do for themselves.”

He then quotes Theodore Roosevelt: “The things that will destroy America are prosperity at any price, peace at any price, safety first instead of duty first, and love of soft living and the get-rich-quick theory of life.” Wow. And that was state over 100 years ago.

He later comments on the Internet. “One of the Internet’s great benefits is that it will make information readily available to an enormous quantity of people on an individual basis. But, it is a double-edged sword since one benefit and detriment of the Internet is that it will provide information easily available to an enormous quantity of people on an immediate basis. With quick availability to information, people will feel less of a need to read books and to think about the concepts that help them remember those individual parcels of date and weave them together. Without the knowledge that is gained from in-depth thought, it is difficult to gain the wisdom of how to use the ever-increasing amounts of data.”

“it will likely occur in an information age that will have two parts — an age of knowledge that expands rapidly with the dissemination of information. And than an age of wisdom necessary to process the excess of information where trust and experience are very valued and character re-emerges. . . Wisdom requires a perspective, a very basic position from which to make judgments. It is at this point that leadership becomes particularly critical in providing guidance and direction. Leadership defines culture and thereby defines civilization, and whether those leaders are directed by conscience or merely by their own convenience will determine the direction that civilization will take. . . The contrast of the Renaissance and the Dark Ages shows that leadership can move culture both ways.”

There is much more thought-provoking (to me) content — and incredible foresight on issues regarding China, the movement of politics in the U.S., and the increasing role of non-profit organizations in our culture. I would highly recommend this book to others who are trying to make sense of the macro-economic, cultural and political confusion which seems to exist.

[A final side-note: This book has been translated into Chinese and reportedly is one of the few Western books used as a text in Chinese universities.]

Over the past few months, I have had the opportunity to work closely with business teams comprised of highly talented and successful professionals. Some of these high-powered teams work together well and achieve amazing results, while some of the teams are struggling a bit in working together effectively. And one of the teams had to reorganize because the team members couldn’t figure out how to work together.

I’ve made some observations as well as pulled some information from other sources, about what needs to happen for a team of “All Stars” to be successful as a team.

Characteristics of Successful Individuals

First, let’s look at some of the characteristics of highly successful individuals. Successful people:

*Know how to accomplish tasks. They get things done. And typically, they have found ways of doing things that work for them. (With a team, they may have a hard time approaching a task differently from their personal strategy.)

*Are confident in their abilities. Since they have had success, they have developed confidence in their abilities and their approach. They believe their way works (and sometimes believe that their way will work for everyone.)

*Are proactive. They take initiative, develop action plans, and act on the plans made. (In a team context, they sometimes can act before coordinating with other team members.)

*Persevere. Persevering, “stick-to-it-tiveness” is generally a positive personality characteristic. (But perseverance can translate into stubbornness, if the individual is unwilling to accept and adapt to reality-based feedback – that this strategy just isn’t working in this context.)

*Have high energy. Most successful individuals have a lot of energy – mental, emotional and physical. They often run at a fast pace. (But in the context of working with others, they can have difficulty waiting, and sometimes can “act” before they should.”

Characteristics of Successful Teams with Highly Talented Individuals

Although working with a team of very talented, capable and successful professionals can be challenging, there are ways that these “All Star” teams can become incredibly impactful. There are many areas of life from which examples can be taken: music groups, sports teams, legal and political teams, strategic business partnerships. (And unfortunately, there are probably more examples of “Super Teams” that failed.) What seems to be necessary?

*Team members voluntarily submit to a selected leader. There has to be a clear, designated leader. And the team members must consistently follow their leadership, even when they disagree with the leader (and they will).

*Individuals “hold back” in fully using all of their talents and focus their efforts on what is needed for team success. In a team setting, individual stars don’t “shine” and do everything they do as individual stars. They have to pull back and figure out how to mesh with the other team members.

*Team members value and appreciate the role and contributions of other team members. Not only do team members constrain their performance, they also truly value the strengths of others and the strengths their teammates bring to the team effort. There is usually a genuine mutual respect among the teammates.

*The approach or strategies used by the team to reach success may be different than previous successful strategies used by the individual team members. Certain strategies work well for individual tasks, but frequently different approaches are needed for cooperative ventures. Deference to the team leader and accepting their approach for the team is critical in this area for the team to be successful.

*There is a disciplined, strategic approach to reach the team goal that the team members are willing to submit to. This may seem redundant, but the issue is that many times “All Star” teams are put together for a specific project or limited time. Otherwise, most successful professionals would not be willing to participate in a cooperative project – because it would interfere with their personal career and requires them to perform in ways they are not typically used to.

Lessons from The Five Dysfunctions of a Team

(by Patrick Lencioni).

Finally, let’s look at lessons shared by Patrick Lencioni in his best-selling book. These principals dovetail nicely with the observations described above.

Issues That Lead to Problems on a Team

*Absence of Trust (resulting from a lack of vulnerability among team members)

*Fear of Conflict (which can lead to artificial harmony). Team members need to be able to engage in passionate debate about ideas.

*Lack of Commitment (by keeping goals and plans ambiguous). Lack of true “buy in” by all team members leads to poor execution and implementation.

*Avoidance of Accountability (which keeps performance at low standards of acceptability). Team members must be willing to confront off-task or counterproductive actions and behaviors of other team members.

*Inattention to Results (stemming from a focus on individual needs such as status, ego and recognition). It is critical for team members to agree on the categories of results to be tracked to assess success for the team as a whole.

Five Aspects of Functional Teams

1. They trust one another. (The confidence that their team members’ intentions are good.)

2. They engage in unfiltered conflict around ideas.

3. They commit to decisions and plans of actions.

4. They hold one another accountable for delivering against those plans.

5. They focus on the achievement of collective results.

So take a look at yourself and the teams on which you are functioning. See which of these issues are strengths and areas which need to be strengthened. It is pretty fun to be on a successful team, especially when the other team members are really talented!

I just returned from a week in Istanbul, Turkey, speaking at a conference, meeting with families, and doing some sightseeing. And I was struck by the similarities of issues that exist half away around the world, within cultures that have incredible differences.

First, I need to let you know that Istanbul is a beautiful, beautiful city with incredible history, architecture, and stunning visual images. It is the only city that spans two continents — Europe and Asia, separated by the Bosphorus river (a salt-water river that joins the Black sea to the north and the Aegean Sea to the south). The metropolitan area is larger than you might guess — at least 15 million people (it reportedly had 400,000 people in 1970 and 10 million in 2000.) And it has a unique blend of numerous ethnic groups and nationalities — Turkish, Iranian, Russian, Syrian, French, Italian, German, British and more. You might remember that it was the capital of the Emperor Constantine (Constantinople) and the seat of the of the Orthodox church, and then became the capital as well as the trading and economic center for the Ottoman Empire from the 1300s through the early 1900s.

So the themes I noted that are similar across cultures, and seemingly across time, include:

Entrepreneurial spirit (when freedom of competition is allowed).

Both the modern Turkish economy (textiles, agrarian commodities, shipping industry) and the small shopkeepers in the markets (the Grand Bazaar, the Spice Bazaar, and individuals selling goods on the streets) demonstrate the vibrancy of the desire to make one’s life better through business. I was amazed at the energy and creativity I observed in individual’s and small businesses; and I appreciated their humor as well: “How can I convince you to leave some of your money with me?” “What would you like to buy that you don’t really need”? And, “Step into my shop and let me show you some genuine fake watches!”

The importance of family relationships.

Individuals and families repeatedly reported their personal stories of how important their families are to them. Young adults shared the dilemma they face of wanting to pursue career opportunities in other parts of Europe but also wanting to be near their parents, siblings and extended family members. Older adults discussed their desires for their children to join them in the family business, but also wanting their family members to pursue their career interest in a different area. And I got to see the joy of families enjoying time together — with their grandchildren, with the extended families of their siblings’ children and cousins.

The high value of education.

Time and time again, parents told me how proud they were that their children were doing well in the schools they attended (often private schools, at great personal expense to their parents). I believe that when individuals are faced in their day-to-day lives with the mass of humanity — in traffic, on the streets walking, in the marketplaces — they realize more intensely the need to “get ahead” through training and education. And the issue is not lost on the youth — they are quite committed to studying hard to do well in school, and appreciate the sacrifice their parents are making so they can get a good education.

The tension between governmental support and governmental interference.

Similar to the challenges our own country and economy are facing, countries worldwide are battling the tension of how much the government should set economic policies (both internally and regarding international trade) and how much they should “stay out of the way” and let the forces of capitalism lead the way. In Turkey currently, there is the additional tension of “being in the middle” of connecting with western Europe and the West economically, and remaining close to its neighbors and historical partners (Iran, Russia, Syria, Greece). In both the United States and Turkey, the answers are neither simple nor agreed upon by their citizens.

Differences.

So what are the differences I see? Mainly small ones — size, shape and the differences in appearance that are the result of differing ethnic backgrounds; clothing styles and preferences; types of food eaten on a daily basis; languages used to communicate with others; and historical heritages that bring different traditions to daily life and life’s events.

But underneath these surface variations, I still see people who love, who want to accomplish something in their lives, who learn and try to capitalize on available opportunities, and who are intrigued by those who are different than they are — but who try to be kind and helpful to strangers in need. Finally, life seems to be both enjoyable and difficult for individuals, families, and businesses on all sides of the world. Most of us experience both the wonderful aspects of daily life (the beauty of nature, loving relationships), along with the pain (illness, physical pain, death) that accompanies life in this world.

Recently, in a variety of settings I am observing the issue of trust impacting business relationships.

Obviously, trust is at the foundation for business transactions – that the vendor will provide the goods or services purchased, that the goods or services will be at the quality level described initially, and that the customer will pay for the goods or services in the time frame agreed upon.

Another area of business where trust is impactful is in the employer / employee relationship – where the employer follows through on commitments communicated to the employee and the integrity level of employees to be trusted to access to information and resources.

This past week I was talking to a business owner who described a situation where he had hired a sales manager (in early 2008, prior to the financial crisis hitting) who in turn started hiring a fairly high cost sales staff. Whenever the current owners or management team raised issues or asked questions of the sales manager, he reported replied, “Do I have to earn your trust or earn your mistrust?” (implying they should trust him until he proved untrustworthy.)

I replied that this was the wrong question. And, in fact, I find much communication around the issue of “trust” is not laid out properly. I do not believe that the question is: “Do I trust you?” (or “Do you trust me?”). This is too broad.

Trust is situation specific. The more appropriate question, I think, is: “For what do I trust you?” Or, “What am I willing to entrust to you?” (responsibility, privileges, resources). I may trust you to hire staff within a budget amount but I may not trust you to have total access to all of the company’s financial data. Or, I may trust you to pay bills with appropriate procedural checks and balances but I don’t trust you to have total access to the company’s financial resources without monitoring.

Think back to common family situations. Teenagers often complain to their parents, “You don’t trust me!” But again, the real issue is “trust you to do what?” I do trust you to choose good friends and to tell me the truth about where you are going, but no I don’t trust you to drive three hours late at night in a car with four of your friends on a snowy night.

Generally speaking, trust is earned — either from prior behavior with other individuals (that is why we trust professionals who have gone through training and certification in their profession, but we often also check references of people with whom they have worked) or in their behavior with us. We trust others (in the defined areas of responsibility) based on previously demonstrated responsibility in similar areas.

[I do admit that in many daily interactions we confer trust to others when we have no specific basis to do so, other than assuming most people are trustworthy in daily life transactions. However, this level of trust varies greatly across individuals’ own personal history and life experiences.]

I find that people (both business owners and parents) tend to get “burned” when they give more trust and responsibility to others when the person hasn’t demonstrated a basis for that trust.

A second area where I find business owners and managers tend to get taken advantage of by others in the business world is when they ignore early warning signs of mistrust. Partly due to the self-reinforcing tendency that we don’t want to admit that something may be wrong (and that we made a mistake in hiring this person), and sometimes partly due to people’s propensity to want to believe the best of others - we wind up overlooking early warning signs of a person not being trustworthy. As a result, we continue to entrust responsibilities and resources to the individual and find out later they weren’t trustworthy in how they handled the responsibilities - digging a deeper hole and creating more problems for the business.

So, where do we go with all of this?

First, I would suggest to accurately define the parameters of trust in relationships. Using a framework such as, “I am willing to trust you to…” Sometimes, it may be appropriate to say, “I am willing to trust you with… because you have shown yourself responsible by… ” Additionally, sometimes you may need to add, “…but I don’t feel comfortable yet in giving you the responsibility to …” Finally, it is helpful to clarify what responsibilities need to be demonstrated in order for you to trust the individual with more areas (this is really helpful in dealing with teens - versus the arbitrary “when I feel comfortable”.)

Secondly, I would strongly encourage each of us to pay attention to early warning signs of problem behaviors. This can take many different forms, including:

*the facts just don’t add up

*you are getting reports from clients and customers and other trusted team members, about some problems in a team member’s behavior

*the team member responds to questions and challenges with a “don’t you trust me?” type of response

*the team member is quite adept at making excuses, blaming others or circumstances versus admitting they made a mistake or error in judgement.

How should you respond to early warning signs?

a) talk to the individual about your concerns; often your concerns may be due to misperceptions or miscommunication;

b) obtain verifying information by an independent third party;

c) set up processes and procedures to monitor transactions

d) document the issues and behaviors which are creating concerns for you. Often the weight of evidence over time becomes significant, while no one specific incident is that large.

I think it would be wise for each one of us to consider the following old saying,

“Wise individuals see danger ahead and avoid it, but fools keep going and get into trouble.”

There is an increasing emphasis on the inter-relatedness between the process of making money (whether through active business activities or through investments) and also having a positive impact on one’s community (either at the local, national or global level). The focus, along with developing opportunities, applies to individuals and families, small businesses, corporations, and family foundations.

Let me share with you some recent developments from a variety of social arenas, and also resources available, if you are interested in finding out more.

At the corporate and business level. This past week Indra Nooyi, the CEO of PepsiCo, shared her thoughts about the need for corporations to redefine what true profit is. She suggested that a company’s “real profit” is revenue, less costs of goods sold, less the costs to society. Ms. Nooyi stated, “companies can do well, long term, only if the socieities in which they operate also do well.”

Additionally, others like Dov Seidman [author of How: Why How We Do Anything Means Everything…in Business (and in Life)], propose that companies who behave ethically will also eventually outperform their competitors financially. For an introduction to his thoughts, see the February 8, 2010 article in Forbes entitled “Why Doing Good is Good for Business.”

At the individual and family level. Given the disappointment with the banking industry, their struggles with ethical behavior and seeming lack of interest in anything except pure financial return, individual investors are looking for alternatives. Recently, I was exposed to the concept of community development banks — whose mission is to not only provide a financial return for their investors but also to invest in their communities. They do this at multiple levels — providing small business loans to help businesses grow, being involved in microfinance lending for start-up entrepreneurs, investing in community projects such as Boys & Girls clubs, providing education and training for small business owners, giving loans for education, investing in the local educational systems; the list goes on. An excellent example and leader in this area is Southern Bancorp, who is having a dramatic impact in the Mississippi delta areas in Arkansas and Mississippi. [Note: you don’t have to live in the area to bank there. For example, we are moving our personal money market account from a national financial institution to Southern Bancorp — where we will earn market-rate (or better) interest while Southern will use the money in community development projects.]

From the family foundation and philanthropic perspective. For decades, family foundations and private foundations have emphasized aligning their financial investments with their values. This led to the development of “socially responsible investing” — not investing in companies whose business was not consistent with the family’s or institution’s values (for example, who made products related to military weapons, whose processes seriously damaged the environment, or were related to alcohol, tobacco or gambling).

Further developments have included mission-related and program-related investments — where the foundations proactively invest in companies who are aligned with the foundation’s mission (e.g. companies who are creating technologies applicable for developing countries, or companies developing charter schools). For an excellent introduction, see the publication “Mission Related Investing” published by Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors.

A third wave has been the focus on social entrepreneurs — helping individuals who are both entrepreneurial (in the business sense) but who are also impacting their communities at the social level — through job creation, education and training, creating products using local renewable resources. I have had the prvilege of working with Charly and Lisa Kleissner and their family over the past nine years, as their family coach. Charly and Lisa have become leaders in the area of social entrepreneurship — and I have gotten to see, hear and learn from them in their work in this area. Go to www.socialimpact.com for great resources and to gain an understanding of social entrepreneurs. [I can’t give a sufficient introduction here — it is too big of a topic.]

Finally, a new area of “doing good” while making money is the arena of “Impact Investing”. Historically, foundations viewed socially-responsible investments in their investment portfolio, as an area where they would be willing to earn less (say 2% versus 5%) on their investments. However, there is a new movement among philanthropic investors who are demonstrating that socially-responsible investments (e.g. in long-term sustainable timber production) that not only have a positive social return but also can meet or exceed the financial returns compared to their investment allocation benchmarks.

Again, Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors, along with Lisa and Charly Kleissner, Raul Pomares and others, have produced a thorough introduction to the topic, entitled, “Solutions for Impact Investors“. Also, the Kleissner’s foundation website provides a great introduction to the topic. Go to www.klfelicitasfoundation.org and hit the button regarding their investment strategy.

I know I have thrown a lot of information and topics out there in this entry — but they are all inter-related and I wanted to give people starting points for investigating, exploring and learning about the new resources that are becoming available. (It feels sort of like doing the abridged version of all Shakespeare’s works in 30 minutes.)

Hopefully, I will be able to “circle back” and give a more in depth discussion of some of the areas. In the meantime, enjoy exploring!

This week I had the opportunity to attend a conference where both John Townsend (author of Boundaries) and Henry Cloud (author of Integrity) spoke on leadership.  Here are some notes of thoughts that I felt were interested and helpful.

John Townsend

Research is verifying the relationship between character, interpersonal skills and performance outcomes.  That is, if you work on the “inside” issues you will see improvement in performance outcomes. (See below for why this is the case.)

Life is more than making right choices – doing cost/benefit analyses.  There are two sets of information that leaders need to listen to – external (verifiable objective facts) + internal (listening to your ‘gut’).  True reality is a combination of objective information plus subjective intuition.

Values  — values are those things that you believe in to the point that they dictate your decisions.

Leaders need to focus less on what the mission statement says their core values are, and get an objective observer to share the values they observe in how the organization actually functions (i.e. focus on what their values are versus what they should be.)

The pendulum is swinging in leadership development from a pure focus on strategic planning, setting goals, managing by objectives, and the variety of technical processes to improve performance to also paying attention to the emotional side of life (and business).  Not focusing on feelings for feelings’ sake, but understanding that feelings play a role in both decision-making and in working as a team.

In decision-making, feelings play the role of relaying signals to the leader – signals that need to be paid attention to and investigated.  Anxiety (or concern or fear) is signaling that there may be a potential danger to heed.  Investigating the reality of the risk and taking steps to manage the risk (if it is real) is wise.  Ignoring the signal could be reckless.

Interestingly, Townsend indicates that the positive function of anger (irritation or frustration at lower levels) is an indication that you have a problem to solve – something is going on that you don’t like.  Now the problem may be internal – that you have unrealistic expectations that aren’t being met.  Or the problem may be external – that someone’s performance is not acceptable and needs to change.

A third emotion he cites that is critical to the business world is passion.  I personally have never considered passion as an emotion previously.  But it makes sense.  Townsend describes passion as “focused desire”.   And most successful leaders have or have experienced passion – that burning desire to do what they are called to.   A challenge for some leaders is that they lose the intensity of their passion / desire over time (which is a whole additional topic of discussion), while others struggle in maintaining the focus of their passion.

[Out of deference to Dr. Townsend and his intellectual capital, I am not going to list all of the positive and negative emotions he addressed in his book Leadership Beyond Reason:  How Great Leaders Succeed by Harnessing the Power of Their Values, Feelings, and Intuition.  Get the book – it is a good, solid leadership book with a unique perspective on the role of feelings in leadership.)

Townsend also believes that emotions play an important role in working effectively together with team members  — negative emotions among team members impede effective functioning, while positive feelings between colleagues facilitate better performance, both individually and as a unit.

He also describes the power of emotions in bringing to mind past relationships (what he and other psychologists call “internal relationships”) – those people who influenced us significantly in the past (parents, teachers, mentors, coaches) and still influence us “in our head”.  Dr. Townsend gives excellent examples of how leaders become stuck in their personal and leadership development because they can’t get past old messages from internalized relationships (“You’ll never amount to anything.”  “In the end, you’ll always screw it up.”)

A key application for me is that both Dr. Townsend and his colleague, Dr. Henry Cloud (whom I also heard) are seeing the need for coaching in the “middle space” for leaders.  There is plenty of coaching and leadership development in the strategic planning, becoming a change agent, etc. space.  And many leaders don’t need (or won’t get) heavy duty “counseling” focusing on personal problems.  But Dr. Cloud argues that there is the “middle space” that needs to be addressed – where a leader’s personal development has not kept pace with the growth of his organization and his or hers resulting responsibilities.  So there is a gap between the weight of their professional responsibilities and the development of personal skills and abilities to effective manage the demands.  Issues in this middle space include recurrent patterns of interpersonal difficulties (types of people you don’t work well with),  anxieties and fears that are making you hesitant to make decisions, personal and family  issues that are interfering with your performance by sapping your emotional energy, etc.  Business leaders need help working though these issues so that they can continue to become more productive leaders (which is the goal of the process).

One last interesting point Dr. Townsend  made about leaders.  Leaders are essential persuaders – they persuade others to follow them.  Initially, they do this by casting vision, identifying goals that will lead to the vision, communicating out a plan to reach the goals and then inspiring his team to share the vision and implement the plan.

But there is a difference between initially persuading followers and keeping them engaged.  For team members to continue to stay engaged with the vision and task, they need a sense of being listened to , understood and cared for by the leader.  This is a different skill set than the initial persuasive skills and many leaders either haven’t developed, don’t value or don’t practice the empathic listening to their team – and this ultimately leads to loss of enthusiasm, discouragement and conflict – for the unheard team member will find someone who will listen to them (other colleagues, other leaders) and this can lead to discontent and division within the team.

I’ll stop there.  “He who has ears to hear, let him listen (and act!)”