This past week I had the opportunity to speak to about 70 parents at a private college prep high school.  The anxiety level in the room was moderately high because these parents were there to hear answers about how to get their students to take seriously the process of finding a career path and choosing a college to attend.

Earlier this fall, I wrote an entry on anxiety – understanding it and strategies for managing it, so I won’t repeat those principles here.  But I had a number of parents comment afterwards that limiting the amount of future they think about was a helpful concept to them.

I continue to “preach” the concept that a student’s career path is the combination of understanding themselves (their abilities, interests, personality style, etc.) and knowledge about the world of work. And I fully believe that we continually overemphasize the individual aspect of the equation. In fact, (although it is a bit of an over-statement) I have come to believe that it really doesn’t matter what a student wants to do.  Ask anyone one of the tens of thousands of individuals who have been laid off, furloughed or who can’t find work.

The issue isn’t “what do I want to do” but “what goods or services are needed that people are willing to pay for“?   As a culture, we have forgotten that the primary purpose of a career is to provide financially for ourselves and our family.  This is accomplished by providing a service (either customers or an employer) that someone needs and is willing to pay for — and obviously, that we are qualified to provide.

There are thousands of people who right now aren’t working in their primary career field.  They aren’t doing what they went to college to study.  But they have their current job because “it pays the bills”.  This is a reality that many young people don’t fully understand  (or haven’t until recently).

So, the point is:  young people today need to focus more on learning about the world of work, and less on what they are interested in doing.  (Hopefully, they will find a career path that meets this desire, but it is the secondary issue.)  They need to find out “what is out there” — what jobs and careers exist, what do you really do in them, and what the current and future needs are.

To press the point further, it isn’t that helpful to know that you are good with numbers, like animals, are introverted, and have the resources to go to college if you don’t know what career paths match these characteristics, what course of study is needed, and what the needs are for the future.

So how does a student learn about the world of work? Being blunt — by working.  Not by taking “Introduction to [Psychology, Veterinary Science, Computer Science, Elementary Education, insert your area of interest here]”.  Not by going to a lot of fun camps.  Not by playing sports all summer, every summer from junior high through high school.   I have written previously on the importance of work experience for college graduates seeking employment.  And after my presentation this past week, I had a large number of business owners and managers approach me, saying, “That part about students needing to work — I couldn’t agree with you more.  Keep saying it.”

There are lots of opportunities for students to learn about the world of work:  part-time jobs, summer jobs, shadowing, interviewing professionals, talking to college professors in your area of interest, talking to older friends (say, friends of your older sibling) about their experiences, and volunteering.

Generally speaking, I think parents should focus less on SAT & ACT prep courses (although they can make a big difference in scholarship awards) and more on their students getting some work experience.  Getting into the college of your choice doesn’t matter much if you don’t have a clue what you are going to study.  After all, we do know what academic success predicts, don’t we?  Academic success at the next level.  Academic success, in itself, has little predictive validity for career success. (There are a lot of successful students who don’t learn the skills necessary to succeed in the world of work — a topic for another entry sometime.)

Why am I “hammering” this issue of work so hard?  Because I am seeing lots and lots of young adults who were great kids and teens, who did well in school, had fun in high school (and college), who didn’t work much — and who are virtually lost in their career direction because they don’t know what is “out there” in the world of work, and they don’t know how to find out.

Hopefully, my message will help you and your student avoid this unpleasant pathway.  If I can be of help, let me know.  I am doing more and more career coaching for young adults to help them find out what is “out there” and develop a plan to figure out their career path (many of these are long distance, by telephone or video conference.)

Have a good week!

Anxiety, Career Decision Making, career development, career direction, Career Exploration, college, Family, Job seeking, Life Stages, parenting, Parenting Adult Children, work

Over the past weeks I have been gathering some research articles from various publications that I thought had some interesting bits of information.  Here they are.  The topics include:  research on how Western culture and Asian culture affect problem-solving approaches, video game addiction, infant anesthesia and later learning disabilities, and age biases in the workplace that are not found to be true according to research.

Psychology Research Bits & Pieces

From the June 2009 Monitor on Psychology:

  *Infants exposed to anesthesia during surgery may be at greater risk for learning disabilities.  Researchers from the Mayo Clinic found that:

            -infants who had been anesthetized two or more times before age 4 had a 60% increased chance of having learning difficulties;

            -infants who had three or more exposure to anesthesia by age 3 doubled the child’s risk for learning problems later in life.

*Nearly one in 10 youth gamers addicted to video games.  A study of over 1100 youth 8 to 18 found that addicted gamers exhibited behavioral patterns similar to pathological gamblers and they played video games 24 hours a week (2x as much as non-addicted gamer).  Addicted gamers were also twice as likely to have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.

*Research does not support many age-biases that exist in the workplace.   Research reported in the June 2009 APA Monitor on Psychology  states that:

            -Older workers are happier with their work than younger workers and were in as good physical shape as their colleagues.

            -Older and younger workers want many of the same things from their work:

Schedule flexibility, opportunities to learn, a supportive supervisor, and promotion fairness.

            -There is no evidence to support the belief that Millennials and Gen Y workers are not hard workers.  They do, however, look for identity-based work – something they enjoy that suits their abilities and interests.  And younger workers tend to asset themselves and question the status quo.  Dr. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett from Clark University states, :  The fact that they are willing to question and offer criticism is something that can make an organization better.”

            -Millennials do look to change jobs more frequently but are willing to explore career alternatives within the same company.

One interesting point raised by Dr. Elisa Perry at Columbia University: “It’s hard to know how many of the things we are seeing are about generational differences or age differences. . . Those are potentially very different things.”  For example, will these characteristics of different age groups still exist in 15 or 20 years as the younger generations move into later life stages?

“East versus West: A psychology professor dares to compare how Asians and Americans think.”  Forbes, May 11, 2009.

Richard Nisbett, a cognitive psychologist at the University of Michigan has been researching the differences in how North Americans and Asians think.  He proposes the following differences:

            -Asians see things in context, while Westerners focus on the point in hand.

            -Asians are more holistic in their thinking while Americans are more analytic and reductionistic.

            For example, in presenting a virtual aquarium on a computer screen, “The Americans would say, ‘I saw three big fish swimming off to the left.  They had pink fins.’  They went for the biggest, brightest moving object and focused on that and on its attributes,”  Nisbett explains.  “The Japanese in that study would start by saying, “Well, I saw what looked like a stream.  The water was green.  There were rocks and shells on the bottom.  There were three big fish swimming off to the left.”

            A key difference Nisbett found may help explain differences in financial thinking and choices.  Canadians predict a stock whose value is rising will continue to rise, while Chinese think what goes up will come down. This might help explain why we are prone to economic “bubbles” and suggests, when things are going well, Americans should possibly temper their optimism.

            Nisbett, in his book, Intelligence and How to Get It: Why Schools and Cultures Count, examined why Asian-Americans score higher on the SAT than other Americans and why Asian students do significantly better on math and science exams than U.S. students.  He concludes, “Asian intellectual accomplishment is due more to sweat than to exceptional gray matter.”  The Asian cultural value of obligation to family drives a deeper work ethic, Nesbitt believes.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

For me, personally, the two most interesting findings are the high rate of video game addiction and the debunking of the myth that Asian students are brighter than students in the U.S. — they just tend to work harder.

career development, Cultural differences, Gen Y, Learning disabilities, Life Stages, Millenials, Video game addiction

Recently, the reality of people losing their jobs has been hitting quite close to home.  Living in the city where most aircraft are built in the U.S., and the struggles aircraft manufacturers are experiencing have made knowing individuals who have been laid off from work a personal experience.  And the secondary job losses are significant as well — suppliers to the aircraft manufacturers, graphic designers, retail sales, professionals in the real estate arena — all are experiencing the effects.

I am reticent to personally give advice to individuals who are walking on paths I have not had to walk yet.  However, I did find the following ideas in some recent articles, and thought they might be of some help.

Given the current financial crisis, Psychology Today decided to interview a number of successful professionals and find out the role that “failure” played in their personal and professional development.  Here are a few of the comments and findings:

• There is a difference between failures and Failure, just like the difference that exists between financial diminshment and bankruptcy, and marital strife / divorce.
• Failure hurts but can pay off in the form of learning, growth, and wisdom.  Some psychologists … go even further, arguing that adversity, setbacks, and even trauma actually may be necessary for people to be happy, successful and fulfilled.
• J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series of books experienced a series of failures including a broken marriage, and poverty that bordered on homelessness.  She states:  “Failure stripped away everything inessential.  It taught me things about myself I could have learned no other way.”
• Paul MacCready, Jr., a famous aeronautical engineer who won the Kremer Prize for the world’s first human-powered airplane, depended on failure to help him succeed.  He designed his airplane to crash well, so that it would protect the pilot and the plane could be quickly repaired, so he could learn quickly from his failures.
• The difference between people who come out of failure successfully and those who do not seems to be related to the degree of ‘rumination’ that is allowed to continue.  “Failing better” is related to three aspects: controlling our emotions, adjusting our thinking, and recalibrating our beliefs about ourselves and what we can do in the world.
• Many argue that failure is necessary for growth.  So protecting ourselves (or our children) from failure limits our exposure to growth opportunities.  Conversely, too much failure can discourage and lead to one’s spirit being crushed — to the point of giving up.  How much failure is too much?  Two really helpful answers (being sarcastic):  “It depends” (on the stage of life and unique characteristics of the individual; and “We don’t really know.”

From a companion article, here are “Nine ways to fail better” by Bruce Grierson.

1. Lighten up — have a sense of humor.
2. Join the club — commiserate with others in similar situations.
3. Feel guilt, not shame — learn from your mistakes,but don’t accept the belief that “I am a failure”.
4. Cultivate optimism — put yor negative thoughts on trial and rebut them; they often are not based in reality.
5. Ask not what the world can do for you . . .  –  you now have the opportunity to do something different with your life.
6. Scale down your expectations for yourself — repeatedly failing to meet your expectations for yourself may indicate you need to re-evaluate realistic expectations for yourself.
7. Keep a journal, learn from what you are thinking and feeling, and use those lessons to take action.
8. Don’t blame yourself — blaming yourself for the bad things that happen to you (i.e. attributing all cause to yourself) is an error in thinking that causes people to become stuck, rather than to become stuck, rather than moving forward.
9. Act! — failure provides an opportunity to do something different, but only if you act on the opportunity.

I hope some of these thoughts may be helpful to you — or forward them to a friend or family member you know who finds themselves in this difficult situation.

Business Success, career development, career direction, Career Exploration, Character Development, Emotional intelligence, Failure, Hope, Job seeking, Life Stages, Optimism, Stress management, work

This past week I had the privilege in being involved in a number of school graduation ceremonies, in different roles.  I had a daughter who graduated from high school (along with all of the receptions involved).  I had a son who graduated from college, but who didn’t “walk” — not because he didn’t want to, but because he is pursuing a masters and the two degrees are tied together.  I had a number of my friends whose teenagers and young adults graduated, so we are going through the journey simultaneously.  And I had a number of teens and young adults whom I consider to be friends of mine who graduated.

It is interesting to me to observe the different perspectives different age groups bring to the graduation process.  (Although the following observations are broad generalizations, I think they are true for many in each age group.)

• High School graduates seem to be largely focused on “getting done”.  They view the process of completing high school as a significant long term task to complete — it is the culmination of twelve (or more) years of elementary and secondary education.  Given that most high school students are looking toward college or some other form of further training, they often are looking forward to the future with anticipation (mixed with some anxiety, depending on the student).
• College graduates are glad to be done, for sure.  But they more typically are facing the harsh realities of “real life” — trying to find a job, determining the next steps in their lives (not only where they will work, but where they will live).  There generally seems to be a deeper sense of accomplishment than with high school graduates, as it should be.  Some college grads busted through in four (sometimes three) years, while others took five years.  For others, it truly has been a long term goal stretched over several years or decades.  College graduates seem to exude a deep appreciation along with a measured hope for the future.
• Older family members (aunts, uncles, grandparents, older siblings) usually are filled with pride for the accomplishment of the younger family member.  Their experience seems to be mellower, just enjoying the moment and appreciating the time together with family.  With older siblings there is a fair amount of teasing of their younger brothers and sisters, in a good natured way, but one which also seems to communicate “Don’t get too stuck on yourself.  There’s more life to conquer.”
• Parents are the ones who seem to experience the widest range of feelings and emotions — pride, relief, sadness, anxiety about the future, gratefulness for one less tuition payment.  And reflection.  In listening to many parents’ conversations, they often are reflective on the past few years’ life experiences, and sometimes on the child’s entire lifetime.

Interestingly, it is this process of reflection that has caught my attention.  Both for myself, for other friends who are parents, and for many family members (aunts, uncles, siblings, grandparents), graduation ceremonies and the traditions which accompany them seem to bring back numerous memories.  These memories include their own graduation and school experiences, prior family members’ graduations, and their life experiences with the graduate.

Not an earthshaking observation, but it does seem that “ceremonies” help mark points in time.  Graduations, weddings, anniversaries, birthday parties — all provide a memory touchstone that we can connect memories, feelings, and lessons of life to.

And this can be a great starting point for meaningful conversations with others.  Questions like:  “Grandma, what was your high school graduation like?”   Or, “What do you remember about your college graduation?” can be great ways to learn more deeply about those you love.

For me, the graduation time has been a helpful reminder to ask myself:

a) Am I investing my time and energy into those activities and relationships that I really want to — that are most important to me?   and

b) What do I want (and need) to do to continue to build the relationships that I want to keep close and growing?

A lesson I have learned from having three of our four children move into young adulthood — maintaining and growing relationships with young adults takes time, perseverance, and commitment.  You no longer have “dinner time” to catch up on the day’s activities and you don’t tend to have them in the car as much just running errands together and chatting.  So I am in the midst of planning how to maintain and build the relationships with all four of my young adult children as they move into new phases of their lives.

career development, Character Development, college, Family, Graduation, Life Stages, Personal stories, Yound adults

Recently, the American Psychological Association recognized 14 companies as leaders in creating healthy workplace environments.  Besides just helping their employees “feel good” (the ubiquitous reply to anything psychologists do), there are some practical economic benefits for the companies as well:

• One company has reduced absenteeism by 34 percent
• The average employee turnover for the top five award winners was 11 percent, in comparison to the national average of 39 percent
• At these companies, 85 percent of employees reported being satisfied with their jobs, in comparison to only 61 percent nationally
• And only 5 percent of the employees indicated they intend to seek employment elsewhere within the next year, compared with 32 percent nationally.

What are these companies doing that is making such a difference with their employees?  Here are some of the resources, policies and action steps they have taken (this is not an exhaustive list):

1. Having an on-site nurse to see sick employees
2. Offering health screenings to employees
3. Parental leave for parents to attend school functions (plays, luncheons)
4. Discounts on private gym memberships
5. Financial incentives to employees who reach health-related goals
6. Tuition-assistance programs
7. On-site child care
8. Workshops on money management and debt reduction
9. Cash rewards for recruiting new hires
10. A wellness day once a month with access to chiropractic, massage and nutritional services
11. Smoking cessation help
12. A mentoring program between junior and senior management
13. Executive coaching for senior managers
14. Nutrition classes

One final note:  87% of the employees at these 14 top companies would recommend their place of employment as a good place to work (while the national average is only 44%).  How would your company fare in such a survey?

If you are an owner, manager or supervisor, take a minute and revisit the list — see what small steps you could possibly take to make your workplace more employee-rewarding.  Often there are community resources (e.g. for nutrition classes, for money management courses) available for no cost.

And if you are an employee, take a look at the list and see if there is a characteristic that is especially inviting to you.  Talk to your colleagues, and maybe your supervisor, and see how you might work together to get this resource at your workplace. You never know — a little initiative and communication can create positive results.

Business owners, Business Success, career development, Family Business Issues, Job satisfaction, Stress management, work

“Finding a job” continues to be a common topic that comes up in conversations — with friends, clients, families, friends of my kids.  The types and levels of job positions is quite broad — from laid-off professionals to young adults looking for their first career position, to high school and college students searching for summer jobs or internships.

In discussing the topic with individuals, three different methods repeatedly come up regarding ways to find jobs:

1. Have unique abilities, training and experience that set you apart from the competition.   If you are in this category, you probably are in good shape for finding work.  Unfortunately, most people currently looking for work may not have the combination of unique skills and experience desired.
2. Networking among current relationships.  I have written previously on this topic, and it is a hot topic in the media, so it is easy to find helpful information in this area.
3. Pursue positions that have high “negative” aspects that make them undesirable to most people. If you are really hurting to find work, then you may need to start considering those positions which aren’t really desirable — to you or others.

To help you think about jobs and positions to investigate, let’s look at the types of characteristics which make some work opportunities less than desirable:

• Dangerous or hazardous conditions.
• Low pay.
• Boring, tedious work.
• Manual labor.
• Bad hours required (graveyard shift, weekends, holidays).
  
• Travel is required.
• Less than desirable location (rural; inner city; away from friends & family)
• Low prestige
• Difficult clientele

I am sure there are other characteristics you may think of.  The point is — if there are characteristics about a job or work setting that makes it difficult for them to find good employees (lots of time they are able to find transient employees), then that is a possible good starting point.

For example, my first “counseling” job was working as a “night counselor” (clearly a euphemism) at a residential treatment facility for out-of-control adolescent guys.  I was essentially a night watchman, did bed checks to make sure they hadn’t run away, and dealt with crisis situations (fights, drug use, etc.)  But it was a start and went on my resume as experience, and I worked my way up from there. Another personal example — while getting my masters degree in counseling I did tree-trimming in homes that were built in orchards.  Not especially fun, hot, sticky work, but there was a need and I could make decent money part-time.

In almost every discussion I have with a teenager to twentysomething who is looking for work, I encourage them to “shoot low” to start out.  Start “beneath” where they think they really should; be willing to learn from the ground up, demonstrate your work ethic and character — and then they will consider you for a higher level position.  I can give you a lot of stories of people who have done this successfully.

In tough times, be willing to do what others typically aren’t, and I am pretty sure you will be able to find and land a job, and hopefully use that as a springboard for your future positions.

Career Decision Making, career development, career direction, Career Exploration, work

In the past weeks I have been listening to the media, reading articles that are coming out, and talking to a number of individuals who are looking for work.  The level of job search ranges from high school students looking for a summer job, college graduates searching for their first full-time position in their area of study, and individuals who have recently been laid off.  And I have made a few observations of my own.

First, a reminder – “psychology” literally means “the study of the mind (psyche) or spirit”.  That is, psychology really examines more than just cognitive thought but the whole of a person’s being – their personality, behavior, thoughts, feelings, and sense of self.

So when I talk about the psychology of looking for work, I am discussing how the process of looking for work impacts individuals in a variety of ways.  Let me cite a few observations.

*The process of looking for work is strongly intertwined with a person’s sense of self.  Regardless of the type of job a person is looking for, they are having to “put themselves out there”.  They essentially are attempting to “sell” themselves as potential employees, trying to convince the potential employer that they have the right character qualities and skill set for the job.  Most of us don’t like rejection, and we don’t readily put ourselves into positions where we will regularly experience it (which is what typically happens when you look for a job).

  *As a result, (stating the obvious here), looking for work takes a look of emotional and psychological energy.  That is why so many people procrastinate.  Borrowing from physics, it takes a lot more energy to get a static object to move than it does to keep it moving.  So, people looking for work really have to gather themselves, “pull themselves together”, and “psych themselves up” to get out and apply for positions.  It just takes a lot of energy.

 *Additionally, the process of applying for jobs and repeatedly being turned down feeds “negative thinking”.   When we receive repeated negative feedback (“Thanks for your application; however, we have found other applicants who are more suited to the position”), we begin to have negative thoughts – either about ourselves or the future.  This is natural, but must be combated, otherwise, we will become significantly discouraged and give up.

 *Individuals who are successful in finding jobs tend to engage in habits that support them during the job-search process.  Success in finding work is not “chance”, as many seem to believe.  Rather, if you consistently observe those who are successful in securing a job, they tend to engage in many of the same patterns:

            a) They persevere.   They get up, get out of bed, (sometimes get out of the house), search for openings, go and apply, and follow-up with emails and phone calls.

            b) They go through the actions even when they don’t feel like it.   This is related, but it speaks to personal discipline and the internal fortitude to be successful in difficult times.

            c) They have a plan of action, or routine, that they “work”.  Sometimes it is looking at the on-line job sites and applying to three openings a day.  Sometimes it is driving around town looking for “help wanted” signs, going in and filling out applications.  Other times it is making 10 calls per day to places of work or individuals who may be helpful in connecting you to potential employers.

          d) They have a support system they turn to for encouragement.  Seeking employment is tiring and wearisome.  Virtually everyone I know becomes discouraged (it almost always takes longer than anticipated to find a position) and needs encouragement.  Those who persevere and succeed have a supportive family, friends with whom they can talk and receive encouragement, or a part of a social support group for individuals looking for work. 

So, besides these principles potentially being helpful to those currently engaged in job-seeking, let me speak to the rest of us who are not, but probably have friends or family who are looking for work:

   

     *Be supportive and encouraging.  Show interest and ask them how it is going, but also offer any help you can - introduce them to people you know who may have important connections; go with them (at least drive there with them) when they are going to put in an application; sit and listen to their experiences.

     *Have a realistic time frame.  If you communicate that you are surprised how long it is taking them to find work, this will not be helpful.  Take your “realistic” timeframe, and multiply it by at least two, if not three (two weeks à four to six weeks, for a summer job).

       *Affirm them as a person.  Looking for work is brutal to one’s self-esteem – you feel like no one wants you or values who you are.  Remind them of their strengths, their successes, and their positive qualities.  Be as specific as possible.

 These are difficult times for many.  Let’s be supportive and work together to help one another during them.

 

career development, Career Exploration, Job seeking, Perseverance

It seems to be appropriate week to write about women and the family business, given the high profile of women in politics this past week (Hillary Rodham Clinton’s eloquent speech at the Democratic National Convention, and the selection of Governor Sarah Palin as the Republican vice presidential candidate).

Six female authors have recently published A Women’s Place . . . The Crucial Roles of Women in Family Business. Five of the authors are directly involved in family-owned businesses and all of them are consultants with The Family Business Consulting Group, Inc. In the introduction, they indicate the book is not only for women in business, but for family businesses in general (many of whom may need to rethink their positions on women in the business), and for family business advisors.

In one of the first chapters of the book, they list a variety of roles women typically embrace in business-related families. The list, in and of itself, is insightful and causes pause for reflection on the variety of roles women hold (like men, many are held simultaneously):

Business Founder. Financier. Owner / Shareholder. Co-president. Emergency leader. Back room support. Innovator. Advisor and confidante. Nurturer of the next generation of leaders. Family business board member. Board Chair. A groomed CEO or senior executive. Family leader. Family foundation leader. Individual philanthropist. Ambassador. Employee. Mentor. Family historian. Steward.

As consultants, the authors share some themes they are seeing among family-owned businesses:

• More and more women are working in their families’ businesses
• Women seem to have more work experience before they have children
• Given increasing longevity, there are more work-related years available after children are raised.
• There are more daughters partnering with their fathers and mothers in business.
• The movement toward more service economy businesses appears to make business more amenable to women.

The authors suggest a number of steps to family businesses for helping young women prepare for significant roles in their family’s business. I found a number of them to be wise words to heed:

a) Start early. Regardless of gender, family members need to be exposed to the real workings of the family business early in life, and in multiple ways across the years.

b) Don’t leave the girls out. Think about it. If a family business disqualifies women from leadership, they may be reducing 50% (or more, depending on the family makeup) of potential future family leaders.

c) Avoid creating an environment where are the role models are male. Great point – if all the mentors are male, it makes visualizing oneself in and identifying with the role model more difficult.

I have been fortunate to work with a number of women in family businesses, and like the list above, they serve in a variety of roles:

*owner and CEO of a manufacturing business
*co-founder and principal researcher in a high tech firm
*VP of marketing and business partner with their spouse
*business owner of a professional services firm
*co-chair and leader of the family foundation
*individual philanthropist and change agent
*Board officer and confidante
*mentor to other women in philanthropy
*family leader.

One theme I have observed in this collective group of female leaders is the inner strength that each of them has. Having been raised in a more traditional Midwestern family, in which the business side of the family was patriarchal, it has been an interesting experience for me to see how women often lead very differently from the traditional male entrepreneurial stereotype – and how effective their leadership is.

I am looking forward to learning more as I complete A Woman’s Place . . . , (there is an chapter on Work/Life Balance that looks interesting) but even more so, I am eager to learn how to lead (if it is possible for a guy) like many of the woman I see – effectively, decisively, but with more attention and focus on the human side of business.

business succession, career development, Family Business Issues, Leadership, Management, Mothers, wealth transfer, Women and Family Business

Endurance. Perseverance. Persistence. Patience. They are words I hear a lot when individuals who are successful in their field describe how or why they succeeded.

And yet perseverance is not a word nor a concept that we are especially drawn to. It is almost one of those characteristics that we look back on and view positively, but not one that leadership speakers frequently preach to us.

The definition is interesting to me.

“Perseverance: Steady persistence in adhering to a course of action, a belief, or a purpose; steadfastness.” Perseverance is not just blind repetitive action — doing the same thing over and over. It is tied directly to a goal, belief or purpose. We persist because we believe it is the right thing to do, or because we hope persevering will help us attain the goal we desire.

As Henry Ward Beecher differentiated, “The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.” In other words, perseverance is goal directed and a positive attempt to achieve.

Another aspect of perseverance is that it is “daily”. Persisting on a task is not flashy nor exciting. It is both the action and result of doing the daily grind — whether that is getting up and exercising; the everyday housework tasks of laundry, dishes, cleaning up, and keeping the house running; or those tasks that make up your “job”. It is doing those daily menial tasks that make the difference between getting the job done and just thinking about it.

Dale Carnegie spoke to this aspect of perseverance:

“Don’t be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.”

Besides being goal-directed and daily, perseverance also relates to challenges and difficulties encountered. We don’t usually recount: “Yea, I persevered through the flat terrain; the cool, dry but sunny weather; and the course that was on a really smooth track.” No, perseverance has to do with persisting and enduring through difficulties. Those difficulties may be external obstacles, they may be unrealized dreams (that is, you did x, y and z and you still haven’t reached your goal), or they may be the result of weaknesses you personally have or in your plan.

Ralph Waldo Emerson proclaimed:

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.”

I think is it is interesting (and important) to look at the opposite side — what does “not persevering” look like? Giving up. Becoming weary. Losing heart. Not continuing. And sometimes — complaining, blaming, and making excuses.

I just read a fascinating book this week, recommended by my father-in-law, The War Journal of Major Damon “Rocky” Gause, about a soldier who escaped from the Japanese in the Philippines and through perseverance, luck, the help of others, and the grace of God sailed with one other companion all the way to Austrailia. What impressed me from his story was he just kept going — problem-solving, waiting when necessary, and never giving up on his goal. Never in his journal did I pick up a tone of fatalism, blaming others or making excuses for the numerous bad circumstances he encountered.

So what does this all mean to us?

First, I think a fact of life that helps us persist through difficulties is to accept that there will be difficulties. Things will go wrong. We will experience obstacles and roadblocks. Some people will be against us. Okay. So … let’s keep going.

Secondly, it seems that persevering is easier when accompanied by others — but the “right” others. Stay away from complainers. Don’t hang out with those who consistently blame others or make excuses for repeatedly not reaching their goals. They will only become weights around your neck. Conversely, find others who are like-minded, who have similar passions and goals, and who already demonstrate the daily discipline of persisting. These are the people you want on your team.

And, maybe there are a couple of other things. Re-evaluate your goals — do you really want to reach them? Re-assess your plan — is it realistic? And read about others who have persevered through great difficulties to reach their goals as an encouragement for you to hang in there.

Have a great week — and hang in there!

Business Success, career development, Character Development, Emotional intelligence, Executive performance, Family Business Issues, Leadership, Management, Perseverance, personal development, work

On this Father’s Day, I thought I would reflect some on the lessons I learned from my grandfathers.

My Grandpa White was the only child in his family and his father died when my grandpa was 16 years old. As a result, he became in charge of the small family farm and the “man of the house” at that young age. I heard stories growing up how my grandfather was a creative problem-solver. For example, he set up a water supply system from the spring on the farm to a storage tank in the farmhouse. He also was frugal, but figured out how to get what the family needed with the limited money they had — he would buy slightly damaged apples at the general store (and cut out the bad spots) for a significant discount.

My Grandpa White lived closed by our home and I spent a fair amount of time with him while growing up (I was the youngest grandchild, however, and he died when I was in high school). Some of things I remember about him and the lessons I learned from observing him:

• Make do with what you have. My grandfather, like most who lived through the Depression, saved all kinds of things (but not obsessively so) — nuts, bolts, pieces of wire, scraps of wood — which he then would creatively use to fix or make needed items. The related lesson was to keep using what you have (by maintaining and fixing it) in contrast to buying a new one.
• Enjoy the simple things of life. I have vivid memories of my grandpa smiling and enjoying a ripe piece of watermelon on a Saturday evening in the backyard, or shaking his head in pleasure, saying, “Mmmm, mmm” when eating homemade vanilla ice cream.
• Do the job right. My grandfather had a reputation of building things to last. I remember some wooden benches he built to use at a picnic bench at our family’s lake cabin — and he used heavy pressure treated rough-sawn 2×12’s with mammoth 16d galvinized nails. They were so heavy, you let somebody else move them!
• Do what is right and don’t complain when others don’t. My grandfather had the reputation in our community of quietly doing the right thing, serving others, and not drawing attention to himself. Similarly, there were a number of external circumstances which occurred in his life that created significant challenges for his family — like the government buying the family farm during WWII for far less than it was worth (the farm was next to a new ammunition plant). But I never heard him complain or tell stories with a tone of bitterness.

My Grandfather Tripkos (my mom’s father; his father immigrated from Czechoslovakia in the late 1800’s) was also a farmer, in the “bottom lands” next to the Kansas River. Although I was not as close my Grandpa Trikpos, he also taught me life lessons through his example:

• Enjoy life. My Grandpa had an infectious laugh. He was smiling constantly. He was always telling or making jokes. And he loved to laugh at others’ jokes. He was just plain fun to be around.
• Make time for family. My family lived 20 minutes from most of the Tripkos side of the family (grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins). But we frequently visited them (Saturday evenings, Sunday afternoons) and my Grandpa was in our home often, usually for meals. He often drove down for Sunday meals and was always there for major holidays. And I specifically remember pitching in a Little League All-Star game with grandpa there in the stands.

None of the lessons mentioned above are earth shaking — sort of like my grandfathers. They were solid men, not spectacular. They were faithful husbands and fathers for decades. They worked hard, provided for their families in spite of extraordinary life challenges (my Grandpa Tripkos’ farm and home were flooded during a major flood in 1951 — the family lost the home). But if I can live, and help my children live, with these lessons in our lives, that would be pretty good — solid, acceptable, just like the lessons themselves.

Business Success, career development, Character Development, Family, Grandfathers, parenting, work