This past week I had the opportunity to speak to about 70 parents at a private college prep high school.  The anxiety level in the room was moderately high because these parents were there to hear answers about how to get their students to take seriously the process of finding a career path and choosing a college to attend.

Earlier this fall, I wrote an entry on anxiety – understanding it and strategies for managing it, so I won’t repeat those principles here.  But I had a number of parents comment afterwards that limiting the amount of future they think about was a helpful concept to them.

I continue to “preach” the concept that a student’s career path is the combination of understanding themselves (their abilities, interests, personality style, etc.) and knowledge about the world of work. And I fully believe that we continually overemphasize the individual aspect of the equation. In fact, (although it is a bit of an over-statement) I have come to believe that it really doesn’t matter what a student wants to do.  Ask anyone one of the tens of thousands of individuals who have been laid off, furloughed or who can’t find work.

The issue isn’t “what do I want to do” but “what goods or services are needed that people are willing to pay for“?   As a culture, we have forgotten that the primary purpose of a career is to provide financially for ourselves and our family.  This is accomplished by providing a service (either customers or an employer) that someone needs and is willing to pay for — and obviously, that we are qualified to provide.

There are thousands of people who right now aren’t working in their primary career field.  They aren’t doing what they went to college to study.  But they have their current job because “it pays the bills”.  This is a reality that many young people don’t fully understand  (or haven’t until recently).

So, the point is:  young people today need to focus more on learning about the world of work, and less on what they are interested in doing.  (Hopefully, they will find a career path that meets this desire, but it is the secondary issue.)  They need to find out “what is out there” — what jobs and careers exist, what do you really do in them, and what the current and future needs are.

To press the point further, it isn’t that helpful to know that you are good with numbers, like animals, are introverted, and have the resources to go to college if you don’t know what career paths match these characteristics, what course of study is needed, and what the needs are for the future.

So how does a student learn about the world of work? Being blunt — by working.  Not by taking “Introduction to [Psychology, Veterinary Science, Computer Science, Elementary Education, insert your area of interest here]”.  Not by going to a lot of fun camps.  Not by playing sports all summer, every summer from junior high through high school.   I have written previously on the importance of work experience for college graduates seeking employment.  And after my presentation this past week, I had a large number of business owners and managers approach me, saying, “That part about students needing to work — I couldn’t agree with you more.  Keep saying it.”

There are lots of opportunities for students to learn about the world of work:  part-time jobs, summer jobs, shadowing, interviewing professionals, talking to college professors in your area of interest, talking to older friends (say, friends of your older sibling) about their experiences, and volunteering.

Generally speaking, I think parents should focus less on SAT & ACT prep courses (although they can make a big difference in scholarship awards) and more on their students getting some work experience.  Getting into the college of your choice doesn’t matter much if you don’t have a clue what you are going to study.  After all, we do know what academic success predicts, don’t we?  Academic success at the next level.  Academic success, in itself, has little predictive validity for career success. (There are a lot of successful students who don’t learn the skills necessary to succeed in the world of work — a topic for another entry sometime.)

Why am I “hammering” this issue of work so hard?  Because I am seeing lots and lots of young adults who were great kids and teens, who did well in school, had fun in high school (and college), who didn’t work much — and who are virtually lost in their career direction because they don’t know what is “out there” in the world of work, and they don’t know how to find out.

Hopefully, my message will help you and your student avoid this unpleasant pathway.  If I can be of help, let me know.  I am doing more and more career coaching for young adults to help them find out what is “out there” and develop a plan to figure out their career path (many of these are long distance, by telephone or video conference.)

Have a good week!

I am not an economist (thankfully).  But economists, meteorologists (those who try to predict the weather), and psychologists are somewhat in the same situation — our ’sciences’ are not very “hard” — that is, they often are not solidly grounded in data and they lack power to predict.  For example, last night there was no prediction at all of any precipitation and we had a major rain and hailstorm in our area (up to baseball sized hail!).  Part of the problem for all three of these sciences is that there are numerous inter-related factors (many of which are still unknown) that need to be accounted for in trying to predict what will happen.

The point is — no one really has a good handle on the future of the U.S. (and global) economy.  Just turn on the TV or radio and you will hear numerous opinions on what is happening, and what needs to happen to make our economic situation improve.

But let’s take a look at the basics and this will give us some clues.  Economic activity, at its core, is the exchange of goods, services or information for monetary value.  Going back to some basic cause and effect relationships we can follow the following line of thought:

• People work and receive money for their services.
• When people don’t have jobs, they don’t make (as much) money.
• When people don’t have as much money and don’t see the opportunity for more money come in, they either don’t spend as much, or spend on credit.
• At some point, most people, when their income is reduced over a period of time, reach a limit of what they can buy on credit or realize it is not a wise pattern to continue.
• Eventually, people begin to “cut back” on non-essential spending (eating out, recreational activities) and also tend to slow down the process of replacing existing belongings (new technology, new clothes, furniture, cars).
• The lack of spending means businesses are selling less goods and services, receiving less income, and have to cut back expenses in their business, which includes labor.  Hence, they reduce employees’ hours or lay off employees.
• These people now have less money to spend.
• And thus, the negative spiral of an economic downturn continues.

The key question becomes: how does this negative cycle turn around?  This is where economics becomes largely theoretical, and an individual’s answer is related to their beliefs about economic activity and individuals’ behavior.  President Obama and others believe governmental intervention is necessary. Others believe letting the free market forces drive the process.  And obviously, there are combined approaches.

I believe that this is where understanding the psychology of our culture is important.  In actuality, as in economics, there are actually two fairly diverse sets of beliefs that exist is our culture.  And these belief systems drive different expectations and behaviors.

Cultural Belief System #1:

• I deserve “x”.  I have had “x” before, and I still want it. [Note: “x” can be a lot of things — money, a job, health care, free time, retirement benefits, a nice home, etc.]
• If you have “x” and I don’t, you should share at least some of your “x” with me.
• If I don’t have “x”, somebody should do something so that I can have it.
• The problem (of whatever causes me not to have “x”) lies in a greater system of rules, organizations, factors that I don’t have much control over.

Cultural Belief System #2:

• Life is what it is, including bad (or unfair) circumstances.
• Some of my life’s circumstances are directly related to my choices; some circumstances come from factors outside of my control.
• If I want the circumstances in my life to be different, it is largely up to me to figure out how to make that happen. There may be some larger system issues that may need to be changed, but I can’t depend on that happening.
• Making my life’s circumstances better may require me doing things I would prefer not to — work long hours, do work that I don’t enjoy; relocate; be away from my family for a while; live a simpler lifestyle than I am used to.
• I will do what I can to improve my circumstances, knowing there are no guarantees, and hope for the best.

And here we come to a critical factor that can impact a person’s future:  hope.  Psychologists believe that the loss of hope is a key component of depression.  A person can go through a lot of negative circumstances — and become discouraged, worn out or sad.  But when they lose hope that “things will get better”, that is when more serious depression develops.  They give up.

So here is what I predict, as a psychologist.

1. The economic recovery is going to take longer than what most Americans want.  This is due to the economic reality that the ultimate recovery is related to job creation and the resulting economic activity that occurs, and this appears to be a long-term issue.  And secondly, our culture is very present-oriented with little patience.  We want things “now”, and this is unlikely to occur.
2. There will be two groups of people that experience the economic downturn differently:

a)  There will be people who expect life to be “like it used to be”, and expect someone else to make that happen (largely, the government or maybe ‘big business’ or the wealthy.)  These people will become increasingly impatient, angry, and demanding of others.  Their focus will be on economic relief programs and governmental bailouts.

b) There will be a group of individuals who take steps in their lives to make the best of a bad situation, and who will ultimately (some, not all) find opportunities economically — to provide goods, services or information that others need and are willing to pay for.  Their life circumstances will probably be difficult for a period of time but they will “deal with it” and continue on.   There will be a portion of this group who will find significant economic success as a result of their efforts (there are always people who find ways to make money in difficult economic times.)

I think it may be a good time for each of us to ask ourselves:

• What do I believe about what is happening?
• Which group do I want to be a member of?

Recently, the reality of people losing their jobs has been hitting quite close to home.  Living in the city where most aircraft are built in the U.S., and the struggles aircraft manufacturers are experiencing have made knowing individuals who have been laid off from work a personal experience.  And the secondary job losses are significant as well — suppliers to the aircraft manufacturers, graphic designers, retail sales, professionals in the real estate arena — all are experiencing the effects.

I am reticent to personally give advice to individuals who are walking on paths I have not had to walk yet.  However, I did find the following ideas in some recent articles, and thought they might be of some help.

Given the current financial crisis, Psychology Today decided to interview a number of successful professionals and find out the role that “failure” played in their personal and professional development.  Here are a few of the comments and findings:

• There is a difference between failures and Failure, just like the difference that exists between financial diminshment and bankruptcy, and marital strife / divorce.
• Failure hurts but can pay off in the form of learning, growth, and wisdom.  Some psychologists … go even further, arguing that adversity, setbacks, and even trauma actually may be necessary for people to be happy, successful and fulfilled.
• J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series of books experienced a series of failures including a broken marriage, and poverty that bordered on homelessness.  She states:  “Failure stripped away everything inessential.  It taught me things about myself I could have learned no other way.”
• Paul MacCready, Jr., a famous aeronautical engineer who won the Kremer Prize for the world’s first human-powered airplane, depended on failure to help him succeed.  He designed his airplane to crash well, so that it would protect the pilot and the plane could be quickly repaired, so he could learn quickly from his failures.
• The difference between people who come out of failure successfully and those who do not seems to be related to the degree of ‘rumination’ that is allowed to continue.  “Failing better” is related to three aspects: controlling our emotions, adjusting our thinking, and recalibrating our beliefs about ourselves and what we can do in the world.
• Many argue that failure is necessary for growth.  So protecting ourselves (or our children) from failure limits our exposure to growth opportunities.  Conversely, too much failure can discourage and lead to one’s spirit being crushed — to the point of giving up.  How much failure is too much?  Two really helpful answers (being sarcastic):  “It depends” (on the stage of life and unique characteristics of the individual; and “We don’t really know.”

From a companion article, here are “Nine ways to fail better” by Bruce Grierson.

1. Lighten up — have a sense of humor.
2. Join the club — commiserate with others in similar situations.
3. Feel guilt, not shame — learn from your mistakes,but don’t accept the belief that “I am a failure”.
4. Cultivate optimism — put yor negative thoughts on trial and rebut them; they often are not based in reality.
5. Ask not what the world can do for you . . .  –  you now have the opportunity to do something different with your life.
6. Scale down your expectations for yourself — repeatedly failing to meet your expectations for yourself may indicate you need to re-evaluate realistic expectations for yourself.
7. Keep a journal, learn from what you are thinking and feeling, and use those lessons to take action.
8. Don’t blame yourself — blaming yourself for the bad things that happen to you (i.e. attributing all cause to yourself) is an error in thinking that causes people to become stuck, rather than to become stuck, rather than moving forward.
9. Act! — failure provides an opportunity to do something different, but only if you act on the opportunity.

I hope some of these thoughts may be helpful to you — or forward them to a friend or family member you know who finds themselves in this difficult situation.

“Finding a job” continues to be a common topic that comes up in conversations — with friends, clients, families, friends of my kids.  The types and levels of job positions is quite broad — from laid-off professionals to young adults looking for their first career position, to high school and college students searching for summer jobs or internships.

In discussing the topic with individuals, three different methods repeatedly come up regarding ways to find jobs:

1. Have unique abilities, training and experience that set you apart from the competition.   If you are in this category, you probably are in good shape for finding work.  Unfortunately, most people currently looking for work may not have the combination of unique skills and experience desired.
2. Networking among current relationships.  I have written previously on this topic, and it is a hot topic in the media, so it is easy to find helpful information in this area.
3. Pursue positions that have high “negative” aspects that make them undesirable to most people. If you are really hurting to find work, then you may need to start considering those positions which aren’t really desirable — to you or others.

To help you think about jobs and positions to investigate, let’s look at the types of characteristics which make some work opportunities less than desirable:

• Dangerous or hazardous conditions.
• Low pay.
• Boring, tedious work.
• Manual labor.
• Bad hours required (graveyard shift, weekends, holidays).
  
• Travel is required.
• Less than desirable location (rural; inner city; away from friends & family)
• Low prestige
• Difficult clientele

I am sure there are other characteristics you may think of.  The point is — if there are characteristics about a job or work setting that makes it difficult for them to find good employees (lots of time they are able to find transient employees), then that is a possible good starting point.

For example, my first “counseling” job was working as a “night counselor” (clearly a euphemism) at a residential treatment facility for out-of-control adolescent guys.  I was essentially a night watchman, did bed checks to make sure they hadn’t run away, and dealt with crisis situations (fights, drug use, etc.)  But it was a start and went on my resume as experience, and I worked my way up from there. Another personal example — while getting my masters degree in counseling I did tree-trimming in homes that were built in orchards.  Not especially fun, hot, sticky work, but there was a need and I could make decent money part-time.

In almost every discussion I have with a teenager to twentysomething who is looking for work, I encourage them to “shoot low” to start out.  Start “beneath” where they think they really should; be willing to learn from the ground up, demonstrate your work ethic and character — and then they will consider you for a higher level position.  I can give you a lot of stories of people who have done this successfully.

In tough times, be willing to do what others typically aren’t, and I am pretty sure you will be able to find and land a job, and hopefully use that as a springboard for your future positions.

“Networking” is obviously not only about trying to use relational contacts to find a job or find a quality person for a position you are trying to fill.  We use our social networks for a variety of purposes — finding quality professionals or technicians for tasks we need to get done, locating charitable organizations that are good stewards of the monies given them, or learning about areas of life we have limited experience or knowledge.  Since my article / blog on networking, I have had a number of people talk to me about their own networking experiences, and I have had a couple of unique experiences as well.

I also remembered an issue of Forbes magazine, their 90th anniversary issue on May 7, 2007, which they dedicated to “The Power of Networking”.  However, they were discussing networking in the broader context of networking through the Internet (Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, and other professional networks.)   One of the articles discussed some of the reasons people are reluctant to network.  I thought they were worth mentioning, along with some of my own observations.

People don’t like to network because:

  1.  It takes repetitive inititative.  Calling people, sending emails, going to social events to interact with others, setting up appointments — all take time and emotional energy.  And for some people (those who are more introverted) it can take a lot of energy.  It wouldn’t be as bad if we knew that the process was time-limited or defined according to a certain number of contacts.  One of the wearing aspects of networking is its open-ended nature and that we must continue reaching out to others repeatedly. 

  2. It can feel “fake”.  Networking can feel artificial and even manipulative when you are trying to connect with others for the sole purpose of getting your need met (finding a job, making a sale).  One antidote to this objection is to always include as part of your interaction to focus on what you can do for the other person.  Seeing how you can help them be more successful, or connecting them with resources you know, can normalize the interaction (and also build positive rapport that may be helpful to you at some later point in your life).

  3. There is a lot of anxiety associated with the whole experience.  Meeting with people outside of your normal social group challenges us in many ways.  We may not fully comprehend what they do, understand the language and acronyms they use, or feel competent in their social milieu.  Additionally, it is often awkward to ask for someone else’s time, knowledge and social connections, especially when we perceive the other person as important, successful or busy. 

  4. It is easier to network with those who are like you.  This is true, but generally speaking, meeting with people who are already in your larger social network will probably not be that productive in generating new and different types of connections that you wouldn’t be able to reach on your own.  If you are networking because you have a need, often your self-confidence is shaky, your emotional energy is low and it is more natural to make “easy” contacts rather than those that will stretch you, but which may yield greater benefits.

I myself, a highly social individual, get tired of meeting, greeting, social chit-chat, making requests, responding to requests, and reaching out to others.

The other night, at an awards banquet for non-profit organizations in our community, my 24 year old son sat at the table with my wife and I, and a number of business friends.  Our friends were asking Daniel about his thoughts on Facebook and MySpace — how they impacted relationships and his general impression of them as a social tool.  After sharing a variety of observations, he reported one of the challenges of the social network opportunities available now through the Internet is that “you can only keep up a certain number of relationships.”  This is a true statement, whether you are taking about Internet connections or face-to-face relationships.  Obviously, some people have more social capacity than others, but this is a limiting factor I think we need to keep in mind for ourselves (to help us have realistic expectations of ourselves) as we continue to connect with people in our daily life interactions.

In my work with people, I often deal with individuals’ reactions to situations as well as communication issues between co-workers and family members. As a result, in the process of working through these issues, people often say to me, “Well, you know, perception is reality.” Sometimes they say this to explain how miscommunication occurred with another person, or why they feel the way they do.

I am not sure of the origin of the phrase, “perception is reality”, (although I would bet it comes from some realm of psychology — and for those who know me, that is not necessarily a positive statement.) And I am unaware if it is being espoused frequently in the media, but I sure seem to being hearing it more and more.

The problem is — it is not true. At least, not always.

There is a verifiable reality that exists. And sometimes our perceptions (or beliefs about the world) do not match reality. In the physical realm, that is the basis for illusionists — they are able to make things appear different than they really are. Also, there are those tricks of nature that our senses can play on us that can lead us to misinterpret what is really happening (having a sense of your body being warm while you are in the beginning stages of hypothermia).

But in day to day life, I see the mismatch between perception and reality more practically. Here are some examples.

Miscommunication.  The classic example is the scenario like this:  “You said ….”  “I did not.  I said ….” “Oh, but I thought you said ….”  “No. What I said (or at least, thought I did) was …”  “But I thought you said …”  If we stick with the perception is reality proposition, this leads to major problems in communication.  This is true for both parties.  For the initial speaker, “what I thought” does not necessarily equal “what I said”.  And “what I said” is not necessarily the same thing as “what I meant”.  Similarly, for the listener, “what I heard you say” may not be the equivalent to “what you said”.  So perception may be perception, but it may not be what actually occurred.

The mismatch between feeling reactions and reality. I often see the disconnect between reality and perception in the area of worrying. Being worried or anxious is essentially a smaller version of being afraid (there is a qualitative difference between being terrified or afraid for one’s safety and being worried or concerned). However, the realm of worry and anxiety have to do with potential events that may happen. They always have to do with the future. The challenge is — not everything people worry about is reality-based. Those who struggle significantly with anxiety can worry daily about their loved ones being killed in a car accident on the way to school or work. Or they can worry about the stock market crashing, losing all of their savings, and winding up being homeless.

[NOTE: One way we can manage our fears and worries is to do a “reality check” — what is the actual likelihood of x event happening today? Has x happened before? How many times? Even if x happens, does that necessarily mean y will happen? And even in the unlikely event that x happens and y also happens, what are all of the circumstances that need to be in place for z then to occur? The chances are incredibly slim. So, how much time and energy do you want to spend worrying about a series of incidents that will probably not happen?]

Misinterpretation of a situation.  Some people make quick judgments.  Sometimes this is to their benefit.  But, in other cases, it can lead to misjudging what is going on in a situation.  In working with kids and teens, I have often seen a scenario where a fairly impulsive student, who also views themselves as the ‘protector’ of others will come into a room and see a couple of guys “scuffling”.  They have each other in headlocks and are throwing one another around the room.  The self-appointed “hero” sees the guys “fighting” and promptly dives in, tackles one of the fighters, taking him to the ground, and yells, “Break it up!” (Frequently someone gets hurt in the process.)  It is then that the hero finds out that the two boys were just “horsing around” and it was a good-natured tussle between two friends.  The two “fighters” wind up being angry at the hero for interfering with their fun and over-reacting to the situation.  Unfortunately, this happens in the adult world as well — where someone misinteprets a situation and reacts inappropriately because of their misperception.  Truly, in these situations, perception is not reality.

Inaccurate beliefs about the way the world is. For instance, in doing career coaching with individuals, many people believe that finding a job that meets their needs and desires should be fairly easy and should happen within a matter of weeks. So they “dive in” looking and applying for jobs.  After several weeks with no job, they begin to become discouraged (our feeling reactions are inter-related with our expectations) and begin to question if they are pursuing the right career direction.  Self-doubt also sets in, wondering if they are capable of finding the type of job they want and whether they are really marketable.  The reality is that finding a job which is a good fit for you takes a lot of time and energy. Usually three to six months, or longer. And this reality is demonstrated time and time again (one of the aspects of “reality” is that it can be verified empirically).

Misattribution of motive. Probably the most damaging form of misperception is the case of attributing a certain motive to someone else’s action, and being quite far off the mark.  This happens in marriages a lot, it seems.  And it can be the result of either an overt action (that is, something you did) or the absence of an action (something you didn’t do but the other person thought you should have).  Let me state something clearly — most of us aren’t fully clear why we do what we do, let alone being able to understand the motives of another.  It is always best to ask (and hopefully, believe) the other person, “Why did you …?”  It can be helpful to start with the phrase, “I’m confused. Can you help me understand why you…?” (It seems to take the accusatory edge off of the interaction.)  There are tons of examples, more than I want to go into (and for fear of incriminating myself).  Let me just suggest: we often get “bent out of shape” with others because we attribute a reason for their action or inaction that is not accurate.

There are other examples of perception not equaling reality, but I think that is enough for now.  Maybe use these ideas to frame your own thoughts when you hear: “Well, you know, perception is reality.”  Maybe.  Maybe not.

I am pleased to share the following article which was published in the business section of today’s Wichita Eagle.  If you want to send others to it at the Eagle, the link is  http://www.kansas.com/business/perspectives/story/209379.html .

Networking Can Maximize the Search for Good Hires

I was talking to a friend who is the vice president for business development at his company. He was looking for a new project manager. “If you hear of anyone who may fit the qualifications, have them contact me,” he said. 

I asked him why couldn’t he find someone through the regular processes — the classifieds or employment Web sites. “Finding good people is tough,” he said. “You get hundreds of resumes from the online sources, but over 50 percent aren’t even close to being qualified. That still leaves 80 to 100 resumes to sift through, call, and take through the process. I don’t have the time, and it is like finding a needle in a haystack. It is easier to find someone through my business relationships.” 

As I work with businesses both locally and nationally, this is an oft-repeated scenario. Business managers are frustrated with the difficulty of locating qualified and quality employees. Interestingly, on the other side, I also see young adults who are having difficulty entering the job market — and they offer similarly negative reports about the application process. 

The hiring and job search system isn’t working well. Why? We have the technology and electronic connectedness to reach out to millions of potential workers across the world. But we do not have the systems in place to process all of the information, and get the right kind of information to help match employers and potential employees. 

“Good” employees — those who work well in a specific business — must not only have the right kind of technical training and expertise, but they also must match the cultural milieu of the company — its communication style, dress code and work ethic. Employers are looking for positive character qualities, as well: a desire to learn, the ability to work well on a team with others, dependability, attention to detail, willingness to follow directions. It is extremely difficult to determine whether an applicant has these qualities through their resume, an interview or a conversation with references. 

Managers often default to the method that has worked in the past: networking. It isn’t perfect, but getting referrals from those who know you and your business is still one of the best ways to find someone who may fit well with your company. Here are some tips on how to maximize your networking in today’s business climate: 

• Don’t wait until you have an open position to let people know you are looking for good people. I have a successful businessman who repeatedly tells me: “If you know of any good people looking for work, send them my way. Give them my cell number and have them call me. We are always looking for good people.” I have done so, and he has hired people I have referred to him. • Talk to (or e-mail) friends and business associates who are well-connected and know a lot of people. Don’t just talk to your normal circle of friends. Include your CPA, financial advisor, insurance agent, pastor and your business associates who are out talking to people a lot. 

• Develop a page on your company’s Web site describing the types of people you are looking for. You can more fully describe the character qualities, types of jobs and training, and your business’ culture and values. Make sure you provide the name, phone number or e-mail of a person to contact for more information. This is not about posting specific jobs; it is a resource to direct friends to. • Create ongoing relationships with trainers and educators. Get to know the faculty at the local colleges. Meet with the instructors at the vocational/technical schools. And be sure to find ways to keep in touch with the career placement counselors at each training institution in your community. 

• In the areas where you will have ongoing staffing needs, create internships or part-time positions for students. The best way to land good talent is to get them while they are being trained.  Finding — and keeping — quality employees will be one of the distinguishing characteristics of successful companies in the decades ahead. Don’t stay stuck in the current nonfunctional system.  

“What is the purpose of work?” is both a personal question for me and a key question for many of the families with whom I work (although they don’t necessarily ask it directly like that).  Consistent with the stereotype of a hardworking Midwestern farmer, I am a pretty hard-working guy (I am not a farmer, but come from that heritage). So I work fairly long hours, but probably more importantly, I work consistently — not taking many days off or vacations. Not bragging. Not looking for either respect or sympathy. Just describing the situation.

And the question, “What is the purpose of work?”, is relevant to many of my clientele families at many levels. For many, they no longer have to work in order to support themselves or their families. They have been successful in business, investing, or wealth-creation of some kind and now have sufficient financial resources for the rest of their lives. But most (not all) continue in some form of work — investing their time, energy and intellectual capital in new endeavors. Why?

And the purpose (or meaning) of work intersects their lives at another level — their children (and sometimes grandchildren) either currently have or will have access to more than enough money and financial assets that they really will never have to work in order to support themselves or their families. So the question becomes: Why should they work? (or even prepare for working through education?) A somewhat easy question to answer at a theoretical or principle-based level, but far more difficult in real life conversations when your kids ask the question.

I am not presupposing I have all the potential answers to these questions, but I have thought it through some (and discussed the issue with a lot of people). So here are some of my thoughts.

First, let me define what I mean by “work”. I am talking about meaningful and productive life activity. It does not only mean a paying job — most adults do some forms of work that are not paying (making meals, doing the dishes, lawncare, paying the bills, laundry) — although many wealthy individuals and families hire these tasks out to others. I think probably the most undervalued form of non-paying work is parenting, and more specifically, mothering. Mothers work long, hard hours; they don’t get paid; and they don’t typically get much in return (accolades, thanks, recognition). Mothering is, flat out, a tough job. There are additional non-paying jobs in the forms of community service and volunteering. So work is not defined by payment in this context.

In fact, that segues into one of the core questions about work in our culture today — if you have enough money, why work? And the converse of this question actually is the implicit (and sometimes explicitly stated) goal for many — “I want to get rich and have a lot of money so I can quit my job and never have to work again!” Aside from fame, I think this is the primary driving force for those who desire to be professional athletes, movie stars, entertainers, record producers, and possibly many entrepreneurs.

The inferred meaning of work from this perspective is: The purpose of work is to make money.

So if you have “enough” money (which is a personal definition), you don’t have to work. This is where the dilemma intersects with children and heirs of significant financial wealth — if the primary purpose of work is to make money, and we have all the money we need, why should I go get a job? And why should I study hard in school to get a job I don’t need?

The problem is, from my perspective, this is a limited view of work. Work, besides making money, is meaningful daily life activity — making something, serving someone, providing something of worth to others (either individually or to the community in which you live [local or globally]). And I believe it is woven into the nature of humans to both desire meaningful, productive activity and to gain satisfaction from the same.

This actually creates some challenges in some kinds of work — you don’t always see the product of your time and effort. In my field of counseling and consulting, my “products” are somewhat ethereal. You can’t always see the results of my efforts (sometimes not immediately, but later; sometimes for a brief time period and then they seem to dissipate; sometimes not ever!) So I counteract this by doing more physical tasks in my avocational time — trimming trees, writing an article — a task where I can see some type of visible result.

Now, for me personally, I am not in the situation where I am able to “not work” (for pay). I still need income to support my family. But even for me, I ask (especially when I am weary or discouraged) — besides earning money, for what purpose am I working? What am I trying to accomplish? What am I accomplishing? Does it matter? To whom? (And does it matter if it makes any difference to someone else?) [To those of you with whom I work, I am not indirectly looking for accolades or reassurance of my efforts — I am letting you in on my internal thought processes.]

One of the reasons I went into the counseling profession initially was because I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives, rather than manufacture (or sell) some physical object that may or may not really enhance the quality of anyone’s life. But that is a value decision on my part. And even so, is that the core reason to work — to make a difference in people’s lives, or to improve the world? Maybe, maybe not.

Besides these reasons, what are other purposes of work? For some, there is a spiritual aspect. For others, work can be the mechanism through which they discover themselves and become all they were meant to be.

Realistically speaking, I think work can become the measure by which we attempt to gain self-worth (to some, being a Vice President of a company means you are better as a person than if you were a factory assemblyman). And I think it is also a way we try to gain acceptance or recognition from others — other people will think more of us if we are more “successful” in our careers. No judgment here on these, just laying it on the line.

So the question remains — what is the purpose of work? Why do you do what you do? Is it just because you “have to” (or you feel you have to)? Think about it.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A related, interesting question to me is: what is the purpose of leisure? (Especially since, from my perspective, our culture pursues leisure like a cocaine addict pursues their next fix.)

As I continue to work with families across the country, as well as locally, one of the most common challenges facing young people (and the most common daily life concern voiced by their parents) is the struggle of finding a job. It can be a high school or college student looking for a summer job, college graduates looking for full-time employment, or a young adult who has decided to change career directions. But the complaint is the same — I (they) can’t find a job. And they are getting discouraged and feeling stuck.

Now if we “weed out” those who are only half-heartedly looking for a job (they maybe don’t feel the pinch of needed finances yet) or those who are still looking for the “perfect” job (that is, the one that meets all of their criteria), most have been putting forth significant effort. They have updated their resume, they are looking at the classified ads of available jobs (whether in the local newspaper or through on-line sites), and they are posting their resume and application on the mammoth job-search sites like monster.com and careerbuilder.com .

But the problem is — they are not finding jobs. They may have a telephone interview or even a “first” interview. But that is as far as it goes. And really, they aren’t finding too many jobs that “fit” them. What they are looking for doesn’t seem to be out there. And after a few weeks (or months), panic begins to set in. That is usually when I hear about their search, and their dilemma.

Now I know people find jobs through monster.com and its equivalencies. Otherwise, employers wouldn’t post job openings on the site. But I can tell you that I am hearing lots of negative stories from employers and managers who have attempted to use the jobsearch websites. One of the most common complaints is that they receive hundreds of applications that aren’t even nominally qualified for the position. So they have to weed through hundreds of applicants to get to the possibly qualified. Secondly, they get overwhelmed with the number of applicants and really don’t have the time or resources to sort through them all. So they default to the age old process employers have used for decades — hiring someone they know or someone referred to them by a friend, business associate or former employee. It’s called hiring through your personal network.

Networking is still the best way to find a job. Using your relationships to gain an edge in the hiring process jumps you past the hundreds of online applicants sitting in their email box. And let me explain why employers defer to this process.

First, most businesses in the United States (89%) are family-owned businesses. And family-owned businesses create 78% of all new jobs in our economy. Now some family owned businesses are large (like Mary Kay Cosmetics), but most employ 100 or fewer employees. And smaller businesses often don’t have a real smooth hiring process — it usually includes the supervisor who is trying to fill a position. Follow me here — most supervisors and managers aren’t trained in the hiring process, they feel incompetent and uncomfortable doing it, and hiring people takes time and energy away from their primary job responsibilities. So they want to hire someone fast and get it over as soon as possible. (They also tend to procrastinate in the process.) Therefore, the easier you can make the process for them, the better for you.

Secondly, you have to understand what employers are looking for. Being honest, there are a lot of weirdo’s out there — strange people, unhealthy people, people who aren’t really interested in working - they just want a paycheck. And employers have had a lot of negative experiences with people who look good on their resume or in an interview, and then turn out to be a real pain to work with. And employers want to avoid more of these experiences. But legal issues prevent them from using personality measures to screen out unhealthy people. So the next best method is to either hire someone you know or hire someone a respected friend recommends. They turn to their network of friends to reduce the risk of making a “bad hire”.

You see, most employers today realize they are going to have to train whoever they hire because most companies are quite specialized in what they do. You probably don’t know their accounting software, the CAD system they use for designing airplane parts, or don’t know their product line. But they can’t train people in character — and that is what they are looking for. They want someone:
*who will show up for work
*who will listen and follow directions
*who is self-motivated and wants to learn
*who has the ability to get along with others
*who has integrity and will do a job well done.
And the best way to find someone with these qualities is to have someone they trust recommend a potential employee to them.

So, if you are (or a member of your family is) looking for a job, here is what you should do.
1. Think about your friends (and your friends’ parents), your parents’ friends, your siblings’ friends, people you know from previous jobs, teachers from school, friends from activities you have been involved in, neighbors, friends from church — all of the community connections you or your family has had. And start brainstorming on people who run businesses or are involved in organizations related to the field you are trying to work in.

2. Here’s the key. Don’t try to find the person who may be able to offer you a job. With the exception of summer jobs, it is highly unlikely that you actually know a person who is hiring for a position you would fit. What you are looking for is — someone who knows the person who is hiring. Business people know other business people — either as vendors and suppliers, customers, or competitors. And they meet together and talk, and often mention, “If you hear of someone who has an accounting background and is looking for a job, send them my way.”

3. Focus on people who know a lot of people. Financial advisors, insurance salesmen, pastors, teachers/professors, counselors/psychologists — all come into contact with a lot of business owners and managers/supervisors on a day to day business. Call them and say, “I am looking for a job in the area of ….., who would you recommend I talk to about this?”

4. Don’t just talk to people and stop there. No matter who you talk to, ask this question: “Who else do you know that it might be good for me to contact?” This is true, especially when you have talked to a potential lead and it is “dry” (it doesn’t lead any where productive right now). Remember, you are trying to get names of people who know people who are hiring. And also, always follow up with a note or email with your contact information. Often, an employer might not be hiring right now but in two, four or six weeks an unexpected need arises. If they have your contact information, they can get a hold of you. If they don’t, they can’t — and you lose an opportunity.

So do yourself a favor. Use the method that is going to bring you the best results. Focus your time and energy on “working” your relationship network (and keep your posting online applications to a minimum). I can’t “guarantee” results, but I tell you from experience (both personally and those whom I coach), this is the way to go. (And I would love to hear any personal stories you would like to share.)

Go get ‘em!