Major (repeated) upheaval in the financial markets.  Hurricane Ike.  Flooding across the Midwest.  Concerns about who will be elected President (from both sides). Bombings in Pakistan.  Political turmoil in Bolivia and Venezuela.  The negative, worry-producing news keeps coming.

What’s a person to do?  Ignore it?  Stress out?  Drink more? (I heard a news report that beer and wine sales are up significantly in the last 6 months.)

Previously, I have written about the role of thankfulness and gratitude in helping us live more contentedly. Rather than pontificate on the subject further, I thought I would share the things in my life that I am thankful for — and then encourage you to make your own list.

I love:

Sunny, warm fall days with clear blue skies.  Cool fall evenings with the stars out.   The contrast of the sky blue with the late summer dark green grass and leaves.  Going to high school football games with friends on Friday nights.  The pagentry of college football games on Saturday afternoons with all the colors, sounds of the marching bands, and faint smells in the outdoor air.  Sitting around bonfires with young people and old friends.  Teaching others how to split wood and build a fire.

Fresh, perfectly ripened fruit — blueberries, blackberries, red (and black, when I can get them) raspberries, wonderful golden juicy peaches, slightly tart and crisp apples, sweet juicy grapes, cool watermelon on a hot day, sloppy mangoes (that’s how I am when I eat them), refreshing pineapple, cantalope that freshens your mouth when you eat it at breakfast, zingy pink grapefruit, fresh limes in limeade, there’s probably more.

I also love sounds: Cicadas in the woods.  The rhythmic buzz of grasshoppers, crickets & other insects when walking through a field of prairie. The breaking of waves on the beach.  Rolling thunder in the distance at night.  The wind in the trees (especially cottonwoods and eucalyptus).  The unique swoosh of the wind moving through the needles of pine trees in the mountains.  Children’s laughter when they are playing and running.  Music of all kinds — soothing classical orchestral music, energizing classic rock from the 70’s, foot-tapping quick paced bluegrass, the angelic sound of a women’s choir, the rousing fullness of a strong men’s choir, and the wonder of a talented musician playing a solo on their instrument.

I could go on.  But you get the idea.  Think of your senses — what do you enjoy the feel of? the sound of? the taste of? being able to see? what aromas bring you pleasure?

And while I’m am thinking about it — I am thankful for eyeglasses, for hot showers, for cool refreshing drinks with ice, for clean water, for quality medical treatment, for pain medication, sleeping in a comfortable bed with no bugs, being able to walk and run, for my wife and kids, for my friends.   Life is good.

Now it’s your turn.  What is good in your life?

Recently, my wife and I have had a couple of experiences together on which we both commented to one another.

One experience was actually two separate events that were similar and which occurred close together. As a family, we enjoy music and frequently go to music events of various kinds — concerts by professionals, school concerts, musical theatre productions, and free community events (e.g. concerts in a park). This summer we had the opportunity to go to a couple of professional productions and were able to take along some younger friends of ours and our family. The evenings went well and we drove everyone to and from the events. Now, we don’t invite or take others along in order to be thought well of, to receive praise, or to be viewed as magnaminous — we like to share the opportunity with friends who will enjoy the event but may not be able to go regularly. But both Kathy and I were struck by the apparent lack of appreciation (or at least, the lack of communicated appreciation) by the young friends who went with us. There was a casual, “Thanks!” as they got out and shut the door, along with a “See you tomorrow!”

This is in sharp contrast to another experience we had recently. A group of young single adults asked us to have a party at our place (we were pleased they felt comfortable to ask us) — and so we had a combination “hang out”, croquet, volleyball and outdoor movie night (we hung a cord between trees and hung a sheet as our movie screen). The evening turned out to be a lot of fun and we didn’t do much — they did most of the setup and all of the clean-up. So it was really no big deal for Kathy and I — it wasn’t costly in time or other resources. But the continual, repeated thanks we received from numerous members of the group has been almost overwhelming. Not only that night, but several times since, a number of individuals have gone out of their way to express appreciation to us. Again, we didn’t host the party in order to “look good”, or receive kudo’s. But the thankfulness and gratitude was encouraging to us — and in stark contrast to our other experiences.

Now the first group of individuals may be appreciative but as G.B. Stern has said, “Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” And I found an Estonian proverb (do you know where Estonia is?) that states: “Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.”

As I work with financially successful families, one of the repetitive concerns voiced by the senior generation is that they don’t want their children or grandchildren to develop an attitude of entitlement. And I can honestly say that the amount of wealth a family has is not the best predictor of the next generation’s attitude — either of gratitude or entitlement. I work with some extremely wealthy ($50M and above) whose children are grateful for the little (and big) things their parents do for them (I know some young adults in families in the same range of wealth that don’t seem to have a clue about being thankful.) And I have worked with children, teens and young adults of a wide range of socioeconomic status who consistently whine, seem to always want more, and who do not seem to appreciate the sacrifices their parents (or grandparents) make for them. Sadly, this latter group also seems to have a hard time enjoying life.

So the point?

First, it never hurts to be reminded to not only be thankful for all the good things in our lives, but also to communicate thanks to others. There probably is a point where you can be overly grateful, but most of us are a long ways from that point.

Secondly, if you are a parent (even of young adult children), I would encourage you to reaffirm the importance of communicating appreciation to those who do something or give something to us. This can be done in many ways — a phone call, a hand-written note, an email, a “thanks for ..” the next time you see the person. And, as a parent, you may need to help structure the action (help them find a time and place to actually “do it”).

I know Kathy and I have been encouraged by some simple “thanks” this week. Hopefully, we can send a wave of encouragement to others in our lives, as well.

I love the 4^th of July holiday – largely because we have wonderful family “get togethers” that are a lot of fun (and we have done so for several years, which evoke a large number of fond memories for me.) And our family celebrations involve several traditions that I enjoy – being outside playing games (this year I was introduced to bocce), shooting fireworks, barbeque with great grilled meat, swimming and boating, and watching a large fireworks show (one of my great nieces asked “Why do we celebrate the Fourth of July with fireworks?” which led to a neat family discussion). So, almost always, the Fourth is a fun time (it was again this year!)

Celebrating the anniversary of our country’s Independence Day is also a great time to reflect on the numerous freedoms we have. This year I am especially aware of our freedoms in contrast to the lack of freedoms I have been exposed to in other countries.

• We have the freedom to live where we want. Yes, I live in Kansas and many people wonder why. Largely, our living in Kansas has to do with heritage and family proximity. But I love where I live – out in the country with trees, birds, wildlife, stars, and quiet. Good people. No traffic to speak of. Low property costs (which allows me to use my money on other things important to me.) And we are close enough to what we need and desire. (Being honest, the biggest downside of living in Kansas is the weather and lack of geographical features.) But if I wanted to move, I can (and have, previously living in the Chicago area, Phoenix, and Atlanta). Recently, I have become aware of reports from China where the government autocratically dictates that people must relocate. The government decides to build a new factory, to build a new dam for a river, and condemn the houses where people live. The people have no choice or recourse and they must move, with little, if any, compensation for their homes. Interestingly, several hundred thousand were reportedly displaced to build the Olympic stadium for this summer’s Olympic games, (quite an irony, obviously).
• We have the freedom to choose our own vocation. Although figuring out what we want to do with our lives vocationally is a huge challenge for young people in our country currently, it is a nice problem to have. Historically, individuals had little vocational choice due to the demands of economic survival and the cost of obtaining education or training (this is still true for the billions of people living at a subsistence level.) And in many countries, young people really have no meaningful choices for their careers – they either work as laborers in the local economy or they move to the local metropolis in search of higher paying jobs, and wind up taking whatever jobs are available (housecleaning, working in a factory). And in many countries, governmental regulations – along with the corruption and bribes needed – prohibit people from pursuing careers to meet the needs they see (not to mention the lack of economic resources).
• We have the freedom to speak our minds freely. Americans are known for “speaking their mind”, even if it is in ignorance. But, whether it is through the Internet, in personal conversations, writing an editorial to the newspaper, passing out leaflets or speaking at a public meeting, we have the freedom to share our thoughts, even if they differ from the current government authorities or from the majority culture. And we do not have to fear being imprisoned or for reprisal later (being visited after dark by the police or militia). I see the free flow of ideas and healthy discussion of different perspectives as a central process to our society monitoring itself. Recent reports from Zimbabwe and the essentially fake election there demonstrate freedom of speech (especially disagreement with the current government) is not respected there.
• We have the free to gather in groups publicly. This is obviously closely linked to the freedom of speech, but differs in an important way. If the populace becomes upset with some aspect of community life, we have the right to gather by the thousands, if we want, to make our voice known. Or we can gather to hear important speakers (less important in our age of technology), or meet to make plans of action.
• We have the freedom to choose our religious beliefs. Obviously, many of the early American settlers came to the country specifically for the desire of religious freedom — attempting to escape religious persecution (many Reformed Protestant groups such as the Pilgrims or Hutterites, or being forced to participate in the State-sanctioned religion [e.g. the Church of England]). Today religious persecution is rampant throughout the world; not only Islamic countries persecuting Christians such as Kazakhstan, Algeria, Yemen, and Tajikistan, but Muslims persecuting other Muslim sects throughout the Middle East, and the Hindu / Muslim conflict in India and Pakistan. Unfortunately, over the centuries Christians have also engaged in their own religious persecution as well (the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition).

But it occurred to me that our freedoms or closely related to, and deeply rooted in certain rights we have. I think one action step from this weekend is for me to reread the Bill of Rights (and at least summarize the points with my family). I am not big on “rights”, feeling many overemphasize their perceived individual “rights” without seeing the accompanying responsibilities that go with them. However, I am becoming increasingly attuned to the rights that we have as U.S. citizens, as dictated by our Constitution and Bill of Rights.

One foundational right I have become aware of is the right to own property. Hernando de Soto has written a wonderful book, The Mystery of Capitalism, which shows the necessity of owning property as the precursor for dealing with poverty in the developing world. If you cannot own property (not just land but any type of personal property), it inhibits your ability to be entrepreneurial and create business — because it can be taken away, and because you have no means of creating collateral to obtain a loan.

I am intrigued, however, to think through — what responsibilities go with the freedoms and rights that we have? That is, we have the right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” (from the Declaration of Independence) — what responsibilities go with these rights?

I would love to hear your thoughts. (FYI - if you click on the title of this blog, it will connect you to a place where you can leave your comments; or you may go to www.drpaulwhite.com/blog and leave your comments there.)

Have a great week!

Fourth of July, Freedom, Gratitude, holidays, Responsibilities, Rights