This week I had the privilege of experiencing two tremendous demonstrations of teamwork — one in basketball, and the other in a music theatre production.

As I reported last week, I am a University of Kansas (KU) basketball fan. And my family and I enjoyed the experience of watching the game together this past Monday night. “Enjoyed” may not be the right word, at least not for the whole game, but the result created a magnificent celebration in our home. (It was one of those — this doesn’t happen very often in life so let’s enjoy it to the fullest!)

While much of the media attention has been on the shot made by Mario Chalmers in the last two seconds of regulation time (for those who don’t follow basketball, he made a long shot to tie the game and send it into overtime), but obviously the win was created by both a whole team effort and a series of events by a variety of team members. The combined defensive play on Memphis’ outstanding guards by Russell Robinson, Brandon Rush, Mario Chalmers, Sherron Collison allowed KU to stay close throughout the game. Darrell Arthur’s game leading 20 points, along with the inside play of Sasha Kahn, Darnell Jackson and Cole Aldrich wore down the big men of Memphis to the point of exhaustion. The steals by Mario and Sherron down the stretch provided the opportunity to score and catch up at the end of regulation. And obviously, the coaching by Bill Self and his staff gave the players the instruction and guidance they used to build and regain the lead.

In spite of Chalmers’ amazing shot at the end, the emphasis all year has been on the balance of the Kansas team in scoring, in rebounding, and in leadership in various games. The season and the championship game were a prime example of how excellent teamwork leads to success. (Since this is such a discussed topic in the mainstream media I won’t expand further here.)

But let me turn to a less well-known example - the production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat by the high school which my daughter attends. The school is relatively small (about 285 students) and there were 50+ high school students (plus about 20 elementary school students) in the production. What was amazing to me, as I watched the production “come together” over the past week, was the intricate synthesizing of numerous pieces into a unified amazing production. For weeks, the music department has been practicing the songs, the drama instructor has been “blocking” the scenes, the choreographer fashioned the dance steps and taught the chorus, costume designers created and made numerous costumes, while artists constructed the sets and scenery. Then in the last week, the “tech team” kicked into high gear — creating the lighting schemes and figuring out the sound systems. And then the drama and music directors integrated all of the pieces and players — with increasing polish each night — into a wonderful mutisensory experience of music, color and light, dance, humor.

Here are some pictures of Joseph, his brothers, and my daughter, Lizz (one of the narrators) taken by my good friend, Michael Bankston.

Both of these events were sources of joy to me (and others). And they were the results of countless hours of practice (not only in preparation for these specific events, but in the development of skills over the years) of both individuals and groups of people into the resulting product. And the comments by observers were the same: “Amazing!” “WOW!” “Can you believe it?” “Incredible.” “Outstanding.” “A once in a lifetime experience.”

The power of teamwork can be amazing — the culmination and synthesis of individual talent and skill, combined with creative and dynamic leadership, along with each team member being willing to follow directions and do their part, putting the purpose & goal of the team unit ahead of individual glory. And, interestingly, the glory which returns to the individual from being a part of the team, is greater than the person could have accomplished on their own.

Just ask Mario Chalmers.

When I meet with business owners and managers, I often ask them what characteristics they look for in younger managers they are interviewing for positions. Frequently, one quality mentioned is the desire and willingness to learn.

Recently, I have had some amazing discussions with gentlemen (I use the word with its specific meaning in mind) who are older than I am (late 50’s, early 60’s to mid 70’s) who have been successful in many areas of their lives – in business or their profession, in managing their money wisely, having healthy family relationships, and a depth of spirituality.

My interactions with these individuals had a very distinct quality to them. Although highly successful themselves, they seemed keenly interested in learning from others. In the discussions I observed, they asked questions, listened, and delved deeper with follow-up questions. They appeared to have a true interest in the lives of those with whom they were conversing. And they were equally excited to share about what they were learning currently in their lives — not what they knew nor the successes they had previously experienced. Rather, they were discussing their current challenges, the mistakes they had recently made and what they were trying to learn from them.

Maybe it is obvious to others (I am often a slow learner), but the individuals from whom I want to learn , whom I want to be like, and desire to model my life after – are learners, life-long learners. They read a fair amount (not all learn via reading, though). They ask insightful questions. Their interactions with others are more focused on learning from those around them (whether they are interacting with “successful” people, young adults, teens, or children) rather than trying to impress others with their own knowledge.

But, unfortunately, in my daily life I meet and interact with a number of individuals who come across — to put it bluntly — proud and self-absorbed. They relate to others in a condescending manner and in a way that communicates they clearly view themselves as a primary source of wisdom for those around them.

I am personally challenged to reflect on my life, attitude, and interactions with others. Am I a learner? Do I approach interactions with the attitude - what can I learn from this person, regardless of their age or stage in life?

And I am reminded of a few sayings and proverbs I have heard, like:

“A person of understanding draws out the deep thoughts of others.”

“Even an idiot appears smart if he (or she) keeps quiet.”

“A person who learns from others who are wise will become wise himself, but if you hang out with idiots – watch out!! – trouble is on its way.”

From whom would you like to learn? Take the initiative and give them a call; set up a lunch or breakfast meeting (and think about some questions ahead of time you would like to ask them.)

I write about the principles of leadership that I either observe in successful business owners and managers, or what I read in books and articles on leadership. So it makes sense that I should try to apply these principles, as well.

Here I am, waiting in an airport, delayed due to weather in Chicago (where I am hoping to go). So I am trying to apply a couple of principles I frequently hear about — be prepared, and be willing to adjust to life’s circumstances.

I have traveled enough over the past several years to know that there is always a fair chance of delays. As a result, I load myself up with materials needed to get tasks done while waiting. Reading materials, paper & pad (for writing, in case I don’t have access to electricity and my battery dies), my laptop, and projects to work on — all are the typical supplies I bring. So right now, I am hooked into the airport computer access system and writing my blog for the week.

Those are my specifics for this week. What are yours? What things are wise or prudent for you to have with you in order to “be prepared”? It could relate to objects you need in your car in case you have a wreck or slide off the road. It could be items that would be good to have with you in case a meeting cancels or the person you are scheduled to have lunch with doesn’t show up.

Now the second principle — being able (and willing) to adjust to life circumstances. Part of this has to do with expectations — I now expect to have delays while flying between 33% to 50% of the time. So I try not to get exceptionally upset or frustrated when it happens. Delays are part of travel in the “hub and spoke” airline system we have.

The other part of adjusting to changes in circumstances is not having a schedule that is inflexible. If you are too tightly scheduled, there is no room for adjustment. And sometimes, your plans just aren’t going to happen as you plan. And I really am talking more broadly than about travel — life’s circumstances affect us when external forces outside of our control impact the economy and our business, when we have a car wreck, when we get sick, and so forth.

In what areas of your life are you too tightly scheduled? Where do you really get irritated or agitated when circumstances don’t go smoothly? For me, it’s often in the smaller spots of life — daily appointments, driving in traffic, not being able to reach people on the phone. For whatever reason, I seem to do better with the bigger events and struggle in the smaller ones. What are the growth areas for you in learning to adjust to changes in your life’s circumstances?

The final principle (the one that I was going to focus on in this entry before my travel delays occurred) is that of learning. A repetitive theme in the literature on leadership is that leaders (and future leaders) are learners. They learn from others. They are observant. They are self-motivated to learn through reading, seminars, and workshops.

One theme I have observed is that individuals who are successful in “life” (that is, in managing their lives personally and professionally) is that they often integrate principles and concepts from divergent areas. It it good to be knowledgeable and competent in your professional area of expertise. But, in many ways, that is baseline — it is expected. Leaders learn from other areas of life and apply those principles to their business or relationships. For example, I remember one author that taught relational leadership behaviors that he learned from his hobby of competitive sailing. Another executive of an organization I know is always asking his friends what they are learning.

I read a lot. And I try to “keep up” in the fields in which I practice — psychology, business succession, wealth transfer, family relationships, and the various struggles individuals and families have. But I find my true value comes when I can bring information from one area to another (e.g. I am finding parallels in the principles in working with family-owned businesses to the area of family foundations, many of the challenges are similar.)

The reason I was planning on writing on this “learning” principle is because I am headed to Chicago for training in a new computer-based program for ADHD individuals that has been shown to have an 80% success rate in helping them with the issues of attention, concentration, distractibility, organizational skills, difficulties learning & retaining information. The research is impressive and I am excited to learn about this program. I’ll let you know what I find out — and how it may relate to some seemingly unrelated area of life.

This weekend I had the privilege of facilitating a family meeting in Northern California with a family I have known for over six years, and we had a great time together. I returned home yesterday afternoon, and as part of my recuperation and re-entry into the family process, my family and I watched a movie together last night. For those of you who have been reading for a while, you know of my penchant for animated movies, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that we enjoyed a movie from that genre’ called Ratatouille.

After enjoying the movie together, I found an interesting clip on the special features of the DVD called “A Conversation with Brad Bird and Thomas Keller”. I hit the play button and we watched an interesting interview with Brad Bird, who was the screenwriter and director of the film and a leading animation movie producer for Disney, and Thomas Keller, the famous chef of The French Laundry restaurant in Napa, CA. What followed was a discussion with each of these successful creative entrepreneurs regarding the principles that they believe have led to their success. Some the principles were overtly stated, others are observations I gleaned from the discussion.

Early work experience. Both Mr. Bird and Mr. Keller described a period of time in their childhood and teenage years where they began working in their current area of expertise. Mr. Keller worked in the kitchen of his mother’s restaurant while growing up, and Mr. Bird entered a contest for animation when he was 11 years old. He won the contest, and with it, the opportunity to work alongside the animators at Disney studios.

Mentoring. Both men indicated that a crucial factor in their professional success was the process of being mentored by their elders in the profession. Mr. Bird’s mentoring occurred naturally with his work in the Disney studios, while Mr. Keller took proactive steps to seek out and work under successful artistes in his field, initially in the N.E. United States and then in Paris.

Commitment. Each man both verbalized directly and reported life stories about the level of commitment needed to be successful. Success does not come from a “hobby” approach to one’s profession, and requires the sacrifice of long hours and focus.

Emotional connection with clients. Interesting to me was the common factor of emotional connection cited by both professionals. Getting into the mindset of one’s clients was a key process in their creation of their products. They attempted to visualize and “be with” their clients in the experience of partaking of what they had created. And they wanted their clients to feel the passion and emotion they put into their creations. (Do they teach that in MBA programs?)

Quest for perfection. Mr. Bird and Mr. Keller distinguished between “perfection” and “the quest for perfection.” They gave numerous specific examples in their work where they were “gently demanding” of those with whom they worked. They try not to be purely demanding in an ogre-like manner, but do try to push their colleagues: “That’s great! But if we just …, I think it will be even better.”

Coaching others. Within their own creative processes, it was clear that neither of these pillars within their fields see themselves as an island, or that they had created the success on their own. Rather, they understand the necessity of working with team members collaboratively, and even more so, saw the need and responsibility to coach those with whom they work. Mr. Bird stated that the goal is to “coach those beneath you to bring out their greatness.”

Work with a sense of urgency. Even though both men are artists, they clearly did not espouse a laisse faire approach to the artistic process. They communicated the need to have an atmosphere of urgency within the workplace, and that this aura actually brings energy to the creative process. In fact, at Mr. Keller’s restaurant they have a sign posted in the kitchen which says: “Sense of Urgency.”

Don’t over-control the process. When working collaboratively with a team of professionals who are talented in their own right, it is important for the creative director (or business leader) not to over control the process. Mr. Keller and Mr. Bird cited the need to ask for and listen to the input of their colleagues, realizing that they do not hold the patent on all good ideas.

Find delight in what you do. Finally, (and this was their concluding thought), to be truly successful in what you do, you must enjoy it. You must seek to create a product (or service) that delights you. When you make something that brings you pleasure, then others will find delight in it, as well.

The movie (Ratatouille) itself is fun. But the lessons and hearing the passion in these men’s voices as they share the lessons they have learned is even more valuable. Enjoy and learn!

This is the time of year when families gather together – college students are on break, young adults return home to visit, and the extended family celebrates Christmas and New Year’s together.

So it is also the time when parents who have been successful in business turn their focus to their family. This is both a good thing and it creates difficulties. It is generally good for parents to engage relationally with their family; unfortunately, for some this is an infrequent occurrence due to their focus on work (or hobbies). But when we try to “re-enter” into the family relationally, the style and manner in which we do so can create tension, discomfort, and result in conflict.

Having grown up in a family owned business with a father who was an extremely hard worker, but who also cared about his family, we would experience this pattern. Through the year dad would work long hours, and my mom was the primary conductor of family matters. (This is not to say that he wasn’t involved at all, but until later in his business life, she had the primary responsibility of interacting with the kids regarding our daily affairs.) But around the Christmas holidays, dad would refocus and engage at a higher level in family matters. And, right or wrong, this pattern has largely continued in my own nuclear family.

So, both from observing and experiencing this pattern as a child, and now as a parent, I have seen some ways that “parent re-entry” can go better, or not so well. Let me share some of these observations.

Leading a family is different than leading a business. In business, there is a formal hierarchy with established patterns of communication and decision-making. In family matters, the structure, communication patterns and decision-making procedures are more fluid – largely influenced by which family members are involved and the specific areas of discussion or decision – and obviously, tend to be more relational. As a result, “top down” communication and decision-making that many business owners and executives try to transfer to the family doesn’t go over well (in some families, this is a extreme understatement.) The implication? Don’t try to run family meetings during the holidays like you run business meetings.

Influence is largely a factor of the quality of the relationship in families. Many parents want to utilize the time with their children and grandchildren to communicate important information – their goals and desires for the family, what is important to them, principles they want their children to live by. And this is good. However, the method by which this is done can “backfire”. If the parent does not currently have a positive relationship with the child (or whoever the family member is), the message will, at best, be ignored, and more probably may create a response of anger, resentment or disdain. I would suggest the following:

a) Spend individual time with family members. Talk with them, listen to them, ask them about their lives: what they are excited about, what they are learning, what are some challenges they are facing.

b) Share personal stories about your life. Rather than give a lecture (along with a handout) with your “five core principles for life”, share stories about experiences you have had and possibly the lessons you learned (sometimes the principles are better left unsaid). Think about what makes a good story: build the context, focus on the people involved, share sensory experiences (what it looked, sounded, smelled like), and share your thoughts and feelings throughout the experience.

c) Be aware that you may first need to rebuild relationships with others before they are going to be willing to receive input from you. If you haven’t ever read it, read The Five Love Languages by my friend, Dr. Gary Chapman. Then discuss it with the family member and see in what way love is best communicated to them. Then do it!

When planning activities for the family, give options and choices. Let the family give their input on what they would like to do and how they would like to spend the time together. Although your ideas may be great (and I am sure they are, just like mine are), they may not be what the others in your family want to do. If you want to have positive “family time”, then it makes sense that the family should be able to choose what would be fun for them.

I hope these suggestions will help your time together with your family over the holidays to be fun, positive and lead to significant interactions with those whom you love.

Merry Christmas!

Paul

Earlier this week, I had the unique opportunity of a quiet evening alone at home. I had been working fairly hard, so I decided to “kick back” a little and I rented a movie. Now, my movie watching patterns are different than most adults. Given the type of work I do, I usually am not that interested in some high intensity, adrenaline-rush thriller. And rarely do I want to see a drama with a lot of intense relational issues. No, when I watch a movie I often want to escape from reality into the realm of comedy — and even further from reality into the world of animation (I really am a kid at heart).

So this week I picked up Meet the Robinsons, a delightful film about a boy who grows up in an orphanage and who wants to be an inventor. Lewis repeatedly meets potential adoptive parents but usually blows the interview by trying to impress them with his latest invention which always malfunctions and creates some kind of chaos. There are a lot of wonderful lessons from the story, but let me focus on one scene.

Lewis is visiting a family in the future (he traveled there in a time machine) and they ask him to try to fix a machine they have that is malfunctioning. But, like all the other times, after he “fixes” it, the machine goes haywire and makes a mess of everyone. But, instead of getting angry or being disappointed, the family starts to congratulate Lewis. “Way to go!” “Great failure!” “We’re so proud of you!” They are smiling, laughing and clapping. It is a stunning moment — both for Lewis and for me.

Lewis expresses his confusion at their responses and they go on to explain that their father, who is a highly successful and famous inventor, taught them that failure is a good thing. Because when you fail, you are able to learn what doesn’t work. Failure, from their point of view, was the beginning of success. As a result, failure is to be celebrated and embraced.

“But failure, in and of itself, isn’t the key to success”, they continue. They then inform him of the family motto, which they repeat so often he gets tired of hearing it. “Keep moving forward.” When ever one experiences failure, they explain, you learn from it but also pick yourself up and “keep moving forward”. You try again. You don’t give up. You try something else to overcome the challenge in your way.

So, like all good children’s books and movies, Lewis succeeds — both in becoming a famous and successful inventor but also in finding a family that loves and values him. And it has a nice, “feel good” ending. My kind of movie.

But the lesson was stunning to me. Here is a simple children’s animated movie and it is teaching a key component of life and business success I hear over and over from the successful businesspeople with whom I work. “To what do you attribute your business and financial success?” I ask them.

“Perseverance.” “We didn’t give up even when times were bad.” “We kept doing what we knew was the right thing to do.” “We didn’t accept ‘failure’ as an option.” Essentially, they did not accept failure as the the stopping point of their efforts. They kept trying.
I am still challenged by the response of the Robinson family in the movie — they rejoiced, were excited and not at all discouraged when someone failed. They maintained a positive outlook, supported and encouraged the person, and had the perspective — “OK, now what are you going to do to make it better this next time?”

This is not “pie in the sky”, let’s hold hands and sing Kum-by-ya. This is reality based feedback. Perseverance works. Giving up does not. I need this encouragement as I face my own small setbacks throughout the week. And it was a delightful surprise to hear this message from a silly, animated movie.

“Great failure!” “Keep moving forward!” I hope I can foster this attitude in my life and in my interactions with those around me. Let’s try it!

p.s. For another “feel good” animated movie with positive life lessons, watch Robots which has the wonderful theme of an inventor whose motto is “Find a need, meet a need.”

Music, and how it is performed, seems to serve as an interesting analogy to business.

A solo features a single, star performer – and in the true sense of a soloist, they perform totally by themselves (although they may sing while accompanying themselves on an instrument). Truly talented soloists are entertaining and able to maintain the audiences attention. But less than stellar soloists become rather boring and repetitive after a while.

More interesting is a soloist with some back-up musicians. The soloist is still the featured performer and the focus of the performance, but with additional support musicians (piano, guitar, bass, percussion) they become much more versatile, able to pull off different styles of music, and the sound is much more full.

Obviously, groups of musicians can range from two or three to extremely large. Although duets are pleasing and interesting with their dual harmonics, they carry many of the same limitations that soloists do.  Duets obviously have more variety than a single performer but they don’t bring much breadth to the performance.

In Western-based music (remember there are many traditions of music based on different instruments, different rhythms and even differing harmonic scales – African, Oriental, Caribbean, Hawaiian, etc.) the harmonics from a trio (and even more so, a quartet) provide a richer, fuller experience. A vocal group featuring the harmony of three voices, to a traditional soprano / alto / tenor / bass arrangement, gives the listener an amazing variety of sounds and experiences – partly because they can either perform in synchronization rhythmically (that is, they move from one note to the next at the same time) or each part can move independently across the musical piece. Usually this movement is designed to be harmonious, but sometimes there is dissonance (experienced as conflict) as one musician moves from their current note, “through” a transition note, to the note which brings resolution.

In music played by a group, different roles are required. There is the leader who sets the tempo of the music and attempts to keep the group playing together through the song. This musician may or may not be the star performer who plays the dominant instrument or who is the flashy talent that brings the sparkle to the performance (and often is not).

There are obviously secondary players who enrich the overall sound and quality of the music, and many times are “role players” – they are solid in what they do, but they are not star performers. Some support musicians add tremendous value by their versatility – being able to play a number of instruments, filling in where needed.

Another factor is that some musicians’ skill set is best suited for highly structured music (e.g. classical orchestral music) where they are given the exact notes to play, and even instructed how loud to play by the conductor. While other musicians do better with less structure and they are given the ability to improvise within the global structure of the music (e.g. jazz or bluegrass).

And in many performing groups there is a manager – someone who administers the logistics of the group – setting up performances, getting contracts signed and collecting payment, arranging for transportation and lodging – and many times, managing interpersonal conflicts among team members.

More and more, there are technical support members – primarily sound technicians and lighting technicians – who help produce the show and are critical to the success of the performance. Without them, the musicians would not be seen or heard adequately.

I will not insult your intelligence by drawing specific analogies or lessons for business from the roles described. However, I would encourage you to think through your business team. Identify what role(s) you play.  Figure out who keeps the rhythm of the group and helps everyone perform together.  It may be helpful to think about those secondary players who do not receive a lot of attention or accolades, but who really make the rest of the group sound (or look) good. Who helps manage the logistics and / or goes behind the scenes and resolves developing conflicts among team members? Are there group members that don’t perform harmoniously or in rhythm with the rest of the group (they play to their own beat or they don’t want to play the same song as the rest of the group)? If so, what needs to be done? And do you have the right type of musicians, given the type of music your group plays?

Whatever the answers are for your group, I hope you enjoy the music you are playing together and that you are able to create beautiful music together!

This week I have been asked to present to my local Chamber of Commerce on “Work / Life Balance”.  After thinking about it for a while, I chose to use the Superball as an object lesson.  Now for those of you who are young and don’t know much about the Superball, let me fill you in.

The Superball was marketed by Wham-O (who also sold Hula hoops in the early 60’s, and the Frisbee in the 70’s).  Introduced in the summer of 1965, by that Christmas they had sold 7 million balls (for 98 cents each). What was amazing about the Superball (the originals were about an inch in diameter) is that they could bounce over houses, and as they went down the street they almost seemed to pick up speed.  They were fun because with just a little effort, they could bounce all around the house (or office). 

What does the Superball have to do with balancing work and the rest of our lives?  Well, there are different sized Superballs — the regular 1″ diameter and then larger ones up to 3″ — which look really cool and like they could go incredibly high.

These large Superballs remind me of superstars in our culture — people who look like they “have it all together” — maybe some movie stars, rich athletes, and multimillionaire business owners.  The problem is — they really don’t have it all together (as the news media reminds us virtually every day).  They actually have some big chunks of their lives missing, like this. 

You see, it is a very, very rare person who is “larger than life”, who is successful in multiple areas of their life, and who is well balanced.  The reason is — we only have so much time and energy, and if you devote it almost exclusively to succeed in one area of life (business, sports, entertainment), then the other areas of your life are short-changed.  And, as a ball, you may look good (if the missing piece is hidden), but you don’t bounce “true” — you get off-course.

So I propose the following “ABC’s of Work - Life Balance”.

Apply what you already know.  Most of us know what we need to do in life.  We don’t need more information.  There is no “new groundbreaking research” that is going to solve the issue.   We just need to consistently do what we know we should.

Balance?  No one I know can “balance” a ton of bricks and a truckload of concrete.  The issue really isn’t “balance”.  The problem is that we are trying to do too much and, (surprise!) as a result, we feel overwhelmed.  The feeling isn’t perception; it is reality.  You really are trying to do too much.  Let’s look at some of things we are all trying to keep in balance:

Work (including email, voicemail, “mail” mail);  Family (Spouse, kids, parents, extended family); Daily life tasks (cooking, laundry, lawncare, car maintenance, grocery shopping, errands, paying the bills);  Finances;  Community life (civic organizations, volunteering, church, school-based activities); Maintaining our health (physical fitness, leisure and recreation, spiritual growth, social support); Friendships; Career education & training; and so forth.

So what is the answer?  Well, we first trying something called:

Cutting back?  This is where we try to survive by ceasing to do some activities in our lives.  The problem is:  what we “cut back” on is almost always those activities that maintain our long-term health — physical exercise, rest and sleep, true restorative leisure activities, spiritual reflection, vacations (weekends), and friendships.  So we wind up just shooting ourselves in the foot (I started to write “slitting our throat” which is probably more accurate, but too gruesome).  But what we really need to do is –

Create space.  This may sound the same as “cutting back” but the focus is different.  We need to take out those time and energy wasters (some are small, some are big) from our daily and weekly lives, and create space for the truly important parts of our lives.  I have been working on this for the past several months and the quality of my life has improved, from my perspective.  It’s like this.  A friend of mine recently came back from two weeks of uninterrupted vacation in the Rocky Mountains.  He proclaimed that he and his family did not watch TV, watch any movies, listen to the radio, check their email or read the newspaper for two weeks and “it was wonderful”.  He then indicated he is going to try to keep these activities to a minimum, because he realized he “really didn’t need them.”  This may sound extreme to some, but have you ever been away from the news for three to four days, come back and realize that you really didn’t miss much of importance? 

My point is this — there are a lot of mental & emotional space “eaters” that don’t really add significantly (if at all) to the quality of our lives.  And if we remove these, we can create “space” for more meaningful activities.  Possible suggestions:  don’t listen to the news while getting dressed in the morning; don’t listen to music while driving or commuting; turn off “talk radio” or your iPod; only read the paper once a week; quit checking online news multiple times a day; turn off the TV.  Even with these potentially small actions you are “freeing up” a fair amount of mental space — time and processing energy that will allow some creative thinking. 

Additionally, most of us need to learn to say “no”.   It works best if you link your “no” to a choice of something else more important to you.  “I’m sorry.  I’d like to but I don’t have the time because of my commitments to my family.  But thanks for asking!”  And really, we have to say ”no” repeatedly because they will keep asking.  Often we’ll agree to do something out of fear — fear they will get mad, fear they won’t like us, being afraid they won’t ask us again.  The problem is — if we make choices for our time and energy driven by fear (especially of what others will think of us), this leads to an out-of-control life.  So, say “no” — it will be okay, really!

The final suggestion is –

Do something.  Don’t try to change your whole life at once.  Just make a little change — one thing today, or this weekend.  Don’t be afraid to “fail” (i.e. not be consistent in your attempt to change).  Try something for a while, then try something else.

The real point is this — don’t try to be a big, oversized Superball and do everything you can to look like “everything is ok”.  You can’t do it all.  No one can (I don’t think).  Pull back — be ok with being a “regular” Superball who is balanced.  It is a lot more fun, and you really do bounce pretty high!

We all only have one life to live.  Be sure and live it in a way that brings joy to you and those around you.

I am excited.  I finally have come across an article on leadership that doesn’t expect every leader to “have the intellectual capacity to make sense of unfathomably complex issues, the imaginative powers to paint a vision of the future that generates everyone’s enthusiasm, the operational know-how to translate strategy into concrete plans, and the interpersonal skills to foster commitment to undertakings that could cost people’s jobs should they fail.”  That is, we no longer have to be (or look for) Superman/Superwoman.

In Praise of the Incomplete Leader is a refreshing look at leaders.  It is a collaborative article by Deborah Ancona, Thomas Malone, Wnada Orlikowski and Peter Senge, all of whom are professors at the MIT Sloan School of Management.  The article is in the February 2007 Harvard Business Review and I came upon it while killing some time in the library.

Although the authors propose four key characteristics of leaders, I love their perspective and balance.  “No one person could possibly stay on top of everything. But the myth of the complete leader (and the attendant fear of appearing incompetent) makes many executives try to do just that, exhausting themselves and damaging their organizations in the process.”  Thank you!

Or how about this:  “Only when leaders come to see themselves as incomplete — as having both strengths and weaknesses — will they be able to make up for their missing skills by relying on others.”   The groundedness of their position in reality is wonderfully refreshing.

And I love their differentiation between incomplete leaders and incompetent leaders.  “Incomplete leaders differ from incompetent leaders in that thye understand what they’re good at and what they’re not and have good judgment about how they can work with others to build on their strengths and offset their limitations.”  Which ties into what B. George, P. Sims, A. McLean and D. Mayer state in another HBR article (”Discovering Your Authentic Leadership”) — that their research found self-awareness to be one of the core qualities of good leaders.  In essence, as Ancona et al admit in the incomplete leader article: “No leader is perfect.  The best ones don’t try to be — they concentrate on honing their strengths and find others who can make up for their limitations.”

The four capabilities they propose need to be balanced in a leader are:  sensemaking (making sense of the world around us); relating (building relationships within and across organizations); visioning (creating a compelling picture of the future); and inventing (developing new ways to achieve the vision).  And, rather than being silo-driven in their approach (i.e. that each capability exists by itself), they emphasize the holistic nature of the abilities.  “Sensemaking, relating, visioning, and inventing are interdependent.  Without sensemaking, there’s no common view of reality from which to start.  Without relating, people work in isolation, or, worse, strive toward different aims.  Without visioning, there’s no shared direction.  And without inventing, a vision remains illusory.”

But what I really love is their realistic approach. “No one leader, however, will excel at all four capabilities in equal measure.  Typically, leaders are strong in one or two capabilities. . . Once leaders diagnose their own capabilities, identifying their unique set of strengths and weaknesses, they must search for others who can provide the things they’re missing.”

And I applaud their conclusion:  “It’s time to celebrate the incomplete — that is, human — leader.”   Yes! Let’s be a bit easier on our bosses (and ourselves).

Have a great Labor Day and rest of the week.

When I talk to business owners and managers and ask them what they are looking for in potential employees, “a good work ethic” is always one of the characteristics cited.  (This is also a frequent response from parents when they are asked what character qualities they desire for their children.)  Unfortunately, today there are many factors which have undermined this “good work ethic”—to the point that one of the major complaints about young people in our culture today is their lack of motivation and drive.