I am just returning from a few days off. And it never ceases to amaze me how different people are in what constitutes a “vacation”.

I think it is critical to know what rejuvenates you and to actively include these activities in your schedule. I will admit that I am not very good at taking long vacations (although I am starting to think about them more seriously), but I do think I am fairly good at knowing what re-energizes me, and including those activities in my daily and weekly schedule.

Unfortunately, I think the media blitz we all face daily plus reports from others around us bias us away from those activities which we may really desire. Let me share a few examples of categories of rejuvenating activities (and feel free to share your own ideas).

Nature. This is first, because it is my #1 category. I truly don’t feel like I have been on vacation unless it includes some significant time in nature — staying at a cabin in the woods, hiking, fishing, rafting, swimming in the ocean or a lake. I am fortunate that I live in an area where I have nature surrounding my house (trees, birds, singing insects & frogs, deer and other animals). So when I come home from work, I have the opportunity to have a brief respite from the stresses of the day.

Music. Music can be very restorative. And different kinds of music help us in various ways — soothing instrumental jazz, mellow folk music, energizing bluegrass or classic rock, classical music of various genre’s. I personally am finding selective use of music is more impactful than having it on all the time (e.g. in the background).

Silence. We live in a busy, noisy world. And we add more noises to our lives with talk radio, the news on TV, background music. Finding a quiet place can be a challenge, but incredibly rewarding. Sometimes after I arrive and get settled in my office, I take just 5 minutes to sit, be quiet and enjoy silence.

Solitude and reflection. I am an extrovert by nature, and in my early adult years, I would rarely choose to have an extended time of silence and reflection on my own (I was always looking for a party!). And I still cannot take as much time by myself as my wife enjoys, but slowing down, not sitting in front of the TV (or computer), getting by myself, reading some reflective material (and even occasionally writing in my journal), certainly has a place in restoring my inner soul.

Social interaction. Some people (usually extroverts) actually get energized by being around others. They (we) enjoy the energy from being in a social situation or experiencing an event with a large crowd. Like anything, getting energized by being around others needs to be done in moderation (extroverts can become like over-tired two year old’s — everyone else knows they are tired and need to go to bed before the person themselves do!)

Spiritual reflection and learning. This could be similar to solitude and reflection, but sometimes activity is more self-focused — reflecting on one’s life. This activity may include reading sacred writings, inspirational books by spiritual leaders, or going to a retreat to obtain spiritual instruction. Without keeping one’s life centered on your core spiritual beliefs, your life is at risk for spinning out of control.

Physical activity. For many of us, our work and daily lives are sedentary and inside. Getting physical activity and exercise, along with experiencing the sunlight and breeze on our skin gives us more energy than if we continue to sit at a desk or lying on our bed. (For me, the combination of physical activity + nature is a wonderful combination.)

Hobbies, artistic activities and recreation. This is a combination of a fairly broad range of activities but, when done appropriately, they are restorative — they re-create us. The activity can vary tremendously — painting & drawing, building models, gardening, playing softball, knitting, woodcarving — which is part of their beauty. Each person can pursue a wide range of hobbies over their lifetime (think of the different hobbies you have done over the years.)

I am sure there are many other ways to become rejuvenated. The real trick is to: a) find out what is restorative to you (and not do something because someone else likes to); and b) do it as part of your daily, weekly and seasonal life.

I want to continue to learn and grow in practice in these areas. Please share lessons you have learned over the years in how to consistently restore your energy for life.

Recently, I went to our state high school track and field championship meet — it is a wonderful spectacle — thousands of student athletes, coaches, friends and family members in one stadium. Vibrant colors are displayed in the uniforms, supportive T-shirts and baseball caps, and tents (to keep the students out of the sun). Lots of sunshine, sunscreen and water bottles.

The Saturday morning before I went to the meet to watch a friend run in the sprinting events (100 meter, 200 meter, 4 x 100 meter relay), I went for a jog by my house — which meant I was running on a dirt road with pot holes and “washboard” on the road. In the evenings, my wife and I often take walks together down the road, as well.

And I started thinking about the differences between walking, jogging and sprinting — both physically, but also in life.

Sprinting. Sprinting is cool. It is flashy. In track, the sprint events are the high profile events. At the highest level of competition, the winner of the 100 meter dash is known as “the fastest man in the world”. And man, these guys and gals can fly. They are smooth and they move with beauty.

But the events only last 10 to 50 seconds, depending on the event. “Crack”, goes the starting pistol. The athletes fly down the track. And then it is over. Someone often gets hurt — falling at the finish line, or pulling up gimpy with a pulled muscle.

Jogging. Jogging — or in track, the long distance races (1600 meters [the metric equivalent of a mile], 3200 meters or the 4 x 800 relay) — are less flashy. For some, they are boring. Young women and men steadily running around the track several times. There is a little excitement and jostling for position at the beginning of the race. Many times there is an exciting finish between two runners sprinting for the finish. (And many times there is no excitement, given the large distance between the runners.) The runners are exhausted at the end and require quite a bit of time to recover from the race.

Walking. In most track meets, there are no walking races. At longer running events (2 mile races, 10K races) they may have a two mile walking race, but they aren’t very common. Walking just isn’t much of a sporting event for most people. It is boring to watch for very long. It isn’t as physically demanding for the individual — so most athletes pursue other events.

Let’s discuss some observations and lessons for daily life that can be derived from the characteristics and differences between walking, jogging and sprinting.

Sprinting is flashy, takes a lot of talent and preparation but isn’t used much in daily life. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the need to sprint (literally, to run as fast as I can for a short distance) very often. Jogging is more for trying to keep in shape. But mostly, I walk.

In life, there are people I see from a distance or occasionally meet who seem incredibly cool. They are mega-talented, have a lot of style, and they seem to have the world by the tail. They go at a fast pace and are high profile.

But as I watch them over the long haul, many of them don’t really have staying power. They are a “flash in the pan” — bright lights & a lot of energy — but they are gone tomorrow. And often, their careers are short.

If I get in the mode of trying to sprint at work — moving real fast, making quick decisions, trying to impress others, and being primarily focused on image — I burn out fast. I don’t really get that much done. And I burn a lot of resources that require substantial time to recover. And often, I make mistakes.

Jogging takes a fair amount of effort and the distance people can jog varies greatly. Some people are in better shape than others (obviously). But even among runners, their stamina differs greatly — and you can’t necessarily tell by just looking at them.

In life, individuals differ significantly in how much emotional, mental and relational energy they have. And people’s level of personal discipline varies significantly, too. There are a lot of people who don’t have a boat-load of talent, but through commitment to get good training and daily personal discipline of doing what they need to day-in and day-out, they get a lot of work done (or develop stamina to run long distances.)

But jogging, and working consistently at a fast pace, takes energy and commitment. It is easier to walk (or not do anything), and in life, it is easier to “hang out”, do leisure activities, and not pursue goals. That is why — both for those who run long distances and those who get tasks done — joggers usually have a goal and work a disciplined plan to get there.

Most of life involves walking and walking allows for other things to be done at the same time. The majority of our life involves walking — around the house, at work, while shopping, etc. And we know walking is good for us physically. By definition, walking means you are going somewhere (versus being stagnant and passive.) In career development, I tell my coaching clients one of the major mistakes people make is to “not be going anywhere” — they are passive and waiting for something to happen.

One of things I like about walking is that I am able to do something else at the same time — think and reflect, pray, talk with Kathy, or just enjoy nature around me. When I jog (or on the rare occasion I may sprint for a short distance), my focus is on the physical activity. I am not thinking about much else.

The same is true at work or in life. If I am going at a normal walking pace, I am able to think and reflect, interact with others and enjoy the world around me while I am working. I get things done but I am not exhausted at the end of the day and I have energy left to do other things. And yes, it seems like it takes longer to get tasks done at this pace versus when I am rushing, but like the hare and the tortoise, I probably come out “ahead” at the end.

Steve Prefontaine, one of the preeminent long distance runners in the 1970’s said:

“Life’s battles don’t always go to the strongest or fastest man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the fellow who thinks he can.”

What are other lessons we can learn from these three activities? Think about it this week as you are walking.

OK, first things first.  I am a busy person.  Currently, too busy.  (I am writing this as I sit on a plane flying to Chicago for a business meeting.)  So this is one of those entries where I call on the “psychologist’s privilege” of being able to expound on principles that I do not have implemented in my life yet.  The principles are true.  I’m just not consistently applying them.  (Ask my wife)

Busyness and the holidays seem to go hand-in-hand.  There is the “normal” busyness of life - work, family, home responsibilities, extended family, friends, leisure activities, and community involvement.  Then we add another layer of activities for the six weeks or so from Thanksgiving thru the New Year’s.

What is “busyness”, really?  How does it differ from just being active or doing things?

Lets look at some of the characteristics that seem to accompany a sense of being busy, and I think that will give us some insight. 

Busyness seems to go with:

• Feeling Rushed
• Having a lot to do in a short period of time.
• A general sense of pressure, even compression.
• Tenseness.
• Irritability (more for some than others).
• Things to do.
• Places to go.
• People to meet (to finish the phrase).
• Short time frames.  Activites scheduled in close succession.
• Being late (or worrying about being late).

Sounds like a fun way to live, doesn’t it?  So why do we do it ourselves?  Why (and how) do we let ourselves become so busy, even frantic, during this time of year?

I think there are 3 basic factors that lead to our busyness.

1. Opportunities. Lots of them.  There are a lot of extra things going on during the Christmas season.  School Christmas concerts.  Work-related Christmas parties.  Christmas shopping.  Kids’ basketball, volleyball, hockey, and indoor practices and games.  Extra choir practices.  Christmas pageants at church.  Ski trips and Christmas vacations.  Watching traditional Christmas movies.  Visiting relatives (both sides).  So, bottom line, there are more activities to do.
2. Expectations.  There are two primary sets of expectations: a) our own (for ourselves), and b) others’ (for us).  Both sets seem to crank up during this time of year.  As I have stated in the past, the easiest way to track expectations is through the “should’s” we hear (either in our head, or out of the mouths of others.)  “I really should go to…” or “You can’t miss…”  Expectations, generally speaking, are neither good nor bad; right nor wrong.  But some of them really are not reality-bsed - you really can’t do everything.  So you have to make choices.  The problem is: some choices lead to not meeting someone’s expectations.
3. The Experience(s) of Not Meeting Expectations.  When we don’t meet the expectations of others’, there is the risk of them having a negative reaction: hurt, disappointment, frustration, anger. [Note: they don’t have to react in those ways.  They have a choice.  They could also respond with graciousness, understanding and acceptance.]  When we don’t meet our own expectations, we tend to feel guilty, worry about “what others will think”, and sometimes beat ourselves up mentally.

Since most of us don’t like either of these experiences (others reacting negatively to us not meeting their expectations, and being hard on ourselves), we make the other choice - we try to do as much as we can to meet everyone’s (at least perceived) expections.  The result?  Busyness.

The Antidotes to Busyness.

So, is there any solution?  Or are we doomed to live frantic lives for the last six weeks of every calendar year?

I don’t think we are going to seriously reduce the number of possible activities available during this time of year, so give that option up.

One option comes from the disciple of management.  When a person or organization has limited resources, they have to prioritize. Anyone who has been in “tight” financial circumstances knows that difficult choices have to be made.  You can’t buy or do this.  We will pay this bill first and this other bill next week.  The same is true for our time and energy - when there is more to do than we have time or energy, we have to prioritize.  We pick those activities (hopefully) which are most important to us (based on our values), and decide we can’t do others.

The concept of margin also seems applicable.  Our busyness transforms into frantic and blood-pressure raising stress when we leave no margin for errror in our scheduling and planning.  When we plan to go to three Christmas parties on one Friday night, from 7 to 8:15 p.m. (30 minutes travel); 8:45 to 10 p.m. (30 minutes travel) and then 10:30 to midnight (this is obviously the schedule of a younger person!), most likely we are setting ourselves up for a stressful evening, if we really expect to keep that timeframe.  Most of us need to leave more room in our schedules for unexpected traffic, not being able to find the presents at the store as quickly as we thought, etc.

The idea of giving up comes to mind.  (I bet that phrase caught some of your attention.)  Not “giving up” in totality.  but giving up some of our expectations.  For some of us who are really social, the thought of missing a party is close to the pain of a kidney stone.  But, at some point, we need to say: “It’s not worth it.”  The busyness, the stress, the resulting irritability, the tension in my relationship with my family outweighs the fun I may have at going to three Christmas parties this weekend.  We may also need to give up some of our expectations for others - it is okay if they can’t make it to Susie’s Christmas concert (even though she has a one line solo in one song); our friendship won’t end if they can’t make it to my party; the world won’t come to an end if we open Christmas presents with the grandchildren the week after Christmas.

Finally,  pause and enjoy the moment. Instead of rushing from store to store in panic, take a minute and enjoy the cool winter sunshine, listen to the high school choir singing in the mall, stop and enjoy a glass of hot cider.  One of my biggest challenges is the tendency to be thinking ahead to the next event or activity and not fully enjoy the one I am currently attending.  When you are at a party, stop looking around to see who is there, and focus on the person you are talking to right now.  Enjoy them.  Listen to their story and laugh together.

Ok, so I have now lectured myself in addition to writing this to you.  I promise to work on these antidotes in the coming weeks (I have to start now by saying no to some of the opportunities I have before me). How about you?

Part of my job as a psychologist is to observe — observe patterns of behavior, be attune to my own thoughts and feelings, and to derive some potentially helpful information form patterns I see. In recent months and weeks, I have observed some factors in life that really wear people down — they are not really hidden but are often subtle. Sometimes they are obvious and plain, but people (both the person experiencing the aspect of life as well as those around them) tend to minimize the impact of the issue on their life.

So let me share some of my observations (remember, psychologists are often ‘masters of the obvious’!)

• Health issues and Chronic pain. Individuals who struggle with chronic pain are well aware of how even persistent low levels of pain can wear a person down. But those of us who are blessed not to have this struggle can experience this intermittently. Not too long ago my right ankle started bothering me — it was sore and swollen after I ran (using the term “run” loosely). I ignored it for a while but it persisted, so I finally decided to go have it checked out. After seeing my doc and then getting some tests, it turns out I have partially torn a tendon in my ankle. What has amazed me, however, is how this small injury and relatively mild level of pain can take a toll of my energy.
• Financial stress. Obviously, many in our country are experiencing significant stress in their lives due to a number of economic factors — loss of their job, reduction of hours and pay, foreclosure on their home. And the impact of these events on people’s lives is huge. But many, many other Americans are experiencing a lower level of financial stress that is more under the surface — wondering if they will continue to have a job in the coming months; lower cash flow that leads to deficiencies in their plans to pay for childcare, private school or college; or the family budget just being tighter on a month to month basis.
• Loneliness or Lack of Emotional Support. A chronic complaint I hear from many people is that they don’t feel connected to anyone. Yes, they may be married and have children — and they may even have a decent marriage relationship. But most people need more than one person with whom to connect, feel cared for, and have a sense of community. Teenagers, single young adults, stay-at-home moms with preschoolers, successful business people, older adults — all talk to me about their frustration in building meaningful, lasting relationships with others in their lives.
• Significant Life Changes. Late summer is one of the most transient times of the year — children are going to new schools, young adults are entering or returning to college, individuals who work in educational settings are staring new positions, graduates from last spring are still to figure out where they are going to work and live. Parents of college freshman may experience sending their first child to college — or their last (our situation) and looking at the issues related to being “empty- nesters”. Life change can be stimulating and exciting, and at the same time anxiety-producing.
• Relational Conflicts. All of us who have experienced (or are experiencing) relational stress understand both the emotional and physical toll living in conflictual relationships take. Physical symptoms can include sleep disturbance, headaches, fatigue, upset stomach, or back and shoulder tension. Recently, I had a professional relationship that created tension and turmoil in my life — and it just wore me out. It wasn’t even a major conflict, but an issue that took a while to address, and I could sense its impact on me daily.
• Lack of Purpose or Direction. When people don’t know “where they are going”, or if they don’t see a larger purpose for their life and what they are doing, not only can they become discouraged, but they also seem to become fatigued emotionally. They just drag throughout the day, and run out of energy doing regular daily life tasks. Seeing how today relates to the “big picture” of life seems to be important.

So what should we do with these non-surprising observations? I think there are at least two practical action steps that flow from the points.

First, take a self-inventory. How many of these factors are in your life currently? Does their presence help make some sense of your recent lack of energy and tiredness? If so, acknowledge these stressors present in your life. Give yourself some slack. Regroup and assess what steps you need to take to either address the stressors or to manage your life better while they are present.

Secondly, be aware of those around you. See if the people in your life (family members, friends, co-workers, classmates) have these issues going on in their lives. Be gracious and supportive to them. Be a friend. Be patient with them if they aren’t “performing” up to their normal functioning (whether it’s at home, work or elsewhere).

Life is tough; sometimes more than other times. Hang in there. We are all in this together (we really are). If you are doing ok, help somebody else out.  It will be your turn eventually.

Almost all of us in the United States are now starting to personally experience some aspect of the global and national economic crisis.  Whether it is through a personal or family job loss, friends and extended family members who have been laid off, a slow down in your business, or projected reduced sales for next year — the impact is now personal.  This is different than hearing it on the news or reading statistics in a publication.

I resent the frenzy and panic the media seems to want to whip up, because this type of communication doesn’t help anyone.  We need to deal with the realities of life (like Jim Collins encourages businesses to do in Good to Great), but let’s do so in a healthy manner.

So let’s talk about the thought patterns that will help us cope with the challenges and stressors we are (or will be) facing — and how to keep our mental health and hope.

• Shorten your time frame.  Regardless of the challenging issue a family, individual or business faces, one of the key aspects for managing the crisis is to keep a short time frame in mind.  Deal with what you have to today or this week.  Do not spend a lot of time thinking about (or worrying about) six months from now, or next year — largely because there are so many factors that can change between now and then, you really can’t plan that far in advance.
• Manage your cash flow.  Almost every business or family I know that has gone under financially later reports that they wish they would have made changes (e.g. “cut back”) sooner.  So it would be wise to complete an budget review, especially of unnecessary expenses, and make appropriate adjustments — this should probably include projections for income over the coming months, as this might change as well.
• Adjust your expectations.  Life’s circumstances throws us changes.  What was true six months ago for us as a country, in your business, or your family is different now.  Therefore, the goals, desires or plans you had then for the future may not fit now.  Rigidly holding onto beliefs and expectations from the past will probably create undue stress.  What is going on now may not be “fair”, but it is what it is.
• Explore options you have previously ruled out.  Many times we exclude certain options because they aren’t acceptable given the current circumstances.    But when circumstances change, previously unacceptable options may need to be reconsidered (e.g. a teenager being willing to work at part-time at a restaurant; doing tasks yourself and working later in the evening or on weekends).
• Maintain an attitude of appreciation.   We all can probably find something to complain about.  And there are lots of people and decisions who are prime targets for criticism.  But what does that really gain (except for a brief time of tension release)?  So instead of adding to the negative conversations out there, first start with remembering the things that are good in your life — and then add these to conversations.  [We had a beautiful sunrise this morning.  I appreciate having a warm house when it is cold outside.  I am thankful I have reliable transportation to get to work — and that I don’t have to commute 60+ minutes one way.]
• Keep connected socially. When people go through difficult times, one means of coping with the stress is to withdraw socially.  Generally, this is not a good long-term strategy.  Yes, we need time to ourselves and time to think things through.  But to pull back from positive, supportive relationships puts us at risk for becoming isolated, cuts us off from available resources, and we can start to get weird (we need the reality check of conversations with friends to keep our thinking straight).

I appreciate the comments of Jack DeBoer, a local successful businessman who spoke recently and said:  “You can go out and talk to people today and tell them how tough things are, how it’s tougher now, and how much tougher it’s going to get. . . Or you can go out and figure out what to do in this environment.”

I am not a major history buff, but it seems to me that a lot of people survived the Great Depression, and almost always there are opportunities to be successful in difficult times.

I just finished traveling from Wichita to San Francisco this Election Day and was reflecting on the stress of prior Election Nights.  So I thought I’d give a few suggestions for each of us to manage our stress successfully.

Manage your expectations.  Regardless of your political affiliation or views, it is probable that not all of your desired results will happen.  In fact, it is highly likely that you will be disappointed with some of the election results.  When this happens, your life (or even your day) probably isn’t ruined.  Realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you and want you want.

Watch the channels that are consistent with your viewpoint.  Again, it really doesn’t matter what your political position is — unless you want to become irritated, have high blood pressure, and be grumpy to those around you — choose to primarily watch those news stations that are more consistent with your views.  This should lower your agitation for the evening.

Get some exercise.  Take a walk.  Go for a run.  Go to the gym and work out on the machines (while watching the returns, if you must).  Do something physical, and this will help “wash away” those tension building chemicals in your body.

Stretch.  Getting uptight, literally does that — it makes your muscles tense up.  So instead of just sitting in the easy chair or on the couch, stretch on the floor or stand up and do some upper body stretches while watching the election returns.

Set a goal for when you want to get to bed (and possibly give yourself an extra 30-60 minutes).  Think through tomorrow, when you have to get up and what you have to accomplish.  Set a  “drop dead” time that you will get to bed by.

Realize that the impact on your life will be the same whether you find out the results at midnight, 2 a.m. or tomorrow morning.  We are addicted to “real time” news and have become accustomed to wanted to know the latest information right now.  In actuality, the impact on your life will most probably be the same if you find out the results in the morning, so don’t “kill” tomorrow by staying up too late tonight.

Provide some margin in your life and schedule tomorrow for being tired and emotinally drained.   It would be wise, if possible, not to pack your day full tomorrow and expect to be able to function at 100%.  You probably will be both physically and emotionally tired, and it would be good for you (and those around you) to plan accordingly.

Major (repeated) upheaval in the financial markets.  Hurricane Ike.  Flooding across the Midwest.  Concerns about who will be elected President (from both sides). Bombings in Pakistan.  Political turmoil in Bolivia and Venezuela.  The negative, worry-producing news keeps coming.

What’s a person to do?  Ignore it?  Stress out?  Drink more? (I heard a news report that beer and wine sales are up significantly in the last 6 months.)

Previously, I have written about the role of thankfulness and gratitude in helping us live more contentedly. Rather than pontificate on the subject further, I thought I would share the things in my life that I am thankful for — and then encourage you to make your own list.

I love:

Sunny, warm fall days with clear blue skies.  Cool fall evenings with the stars out.   The contrast of the sky blue with the late summer dark green grass and leaves.  Going to high school football games with friends on Friday nights.  The pagentry of college football games on Saturday afternoons with all the colors, sounds of the marching bands, and faint smells in the outdoor air.  Sitting around bonfires with young people and old friends.  Teaching others how to split wood and build a fire.

Fresh, perfectly ripened fruit — blueberries, blackberries, red (and black, when I can get them) raspberries, wonderful golden juicy peaches, slightly tart and crisp apples, sweet juicy grapes, cool watermelon on a hot day, sloppy mangoes (that’s how I am when I eat them), refreshing pineapple, cantalope that freshens your mouth when you eat it at breakfast, zingy pink grapefruit, fresh limes in limeade, there’s probably more.

I also love sounds: Cicadas in the woods.  The rhythmic buzz of grasshoppers, crickets & other insects when walking through a field of prairie. The breaking of waves on the beach.  Rolling thunder in the distance at night.  The wind in the trees (especially cottonwoods and eucalyptus).  The unique swoosh of the wind moving through the needles of pine trees in the mountains.  Children’s laughter when they are playing and running.  Music of all kinds — soothing classical orchestral music, energizing classic rock from the 70’s, foot-tapping quick paced bluegrass, the angelic sound of a women’s choir, the rousing fullness of a strong men’s choir, and the wonder of a talented musician playing a solo on their instrument.

I could go on.  But you get the idea.  Think of your senses — what do you enjoy the feel of? the sound of? the taste of? being able to see? what aromas bring you pleasure?

And while I’m am thinking about it — I am thankful for eyeglasses, for hot showers, for cool refreshing drinks with ice, for clean water, for quality medical treatment, for pain medication, sleeping in a comfortable bed with no bugs, being able to walk and run, for my wife and kids, for my friends.   Life is good.

Now it’s your turn.  What is good in your life?

After being on the road for a week in California, I came home fairly tired. As the weekend progressed I seemed to get more tired — both emotionally and physically. And as I started dealing with home-related (e.g. lawn) and family matters, as well as getting caught up on some minor office work and then looking ahead to the beginning of next week, I started feeling emotionally overloaded. So I started taking a personal inventory of what was going on. I thought about my own advice I’ve given previously on different types of tiredness and different types of rest as well as what I have written about being overwhelmed and ways to try to keep your life balanced.So I reviewed key principles:

• Get rest. Check. I slept in on Saturday and took a nap today.
• Keep exercising. Check. I did some physical labor in the yard yesterday and I ran (figuratively speaking) today.
• Eat well. (Stay away from sugar, caffeine and junk food). Well, I didn’t totally blow it. Had some cake.
• Take a break and do something rejuvenating. Check. Went to a high school football game Friday night, spent time with Kathy, went for a walk in the woods, and watched the Jayhawks win in football.
• Prioritize — figure out what needs to be done now. Check. Went through my mail, email and incompleted work and figured out what had to be done now, what needs to be done Monday, and what can wait.

But it wasn’t working. I was still feeling quite stressed and emotionally overloaded. What was up? And then it hit me — the real issue was that I was carrying the weight of responsibility for things I really wasn’t responsible. I was stressed and feeling overwhelmed because I was concerned about things that weren’t really my responsibility. All the steps I had taken would have reduced my stress if I was just dealing with my regular responsibilities. But I was taking on additional issues that weren’t mine and they were stressing me out.

So once I realized: 1) what I was really stressed about; 2) that the issues weren’t my responsibility to take care of; and 3) I could quit worrying about things that weren’t mine to carry — then I began to feel more “normal” (at least, just normally tired).

So if you are stressed, you are doing the best you can to manage your stress, and you still feel overwhelmed — do
another check.

Are you taking on and carrying responsibility that is not yours to carry?

Partly in reflecting on my own life this past week, I have become aware of different types of tiredness we may experience from time to time.

First, obviously, there is physical weariness, which can either come from hard physical labor (or exercise) or, more likely, from not sleeping enough. Some research suggests up to 40% of Americans are severely sleep deprived (and the percentage is higher for high school & college students). If you consistently wake up tired, become sleepy during the day, or fall asleep when you sit down for a few minutes, you probably need to get more sleep. What is the practical impact of not getting enough sleep? You will be less efficient in getting tasks done, you are more at risk for having an accident while driving, your immune system is weakened and you are more likely to become ill.

Secondly, there is emotional tiredness — just not having the emotional energy to do the things you need to. At its more extreme form, this is what we usually call burnout — your emotional gas tank is empty and you “don’t have any more to give”. Here are some common symptoms:

• you are easily irritated
• you work long hours but get less done
• you have difficulty focusing
• you are apathetic about getting things done
• you just generally don’t like your life
• you don’t want to be around people

Emotional tiredness is common after you have been pushing toward completing a big project, and you get it done. The emotional drain is greater when you are done but not pleased with the outcome, or the results weren’t what you were hoping for. Or burnout comes when you have been “giving” (in whatever form) over a long period of time, with more emotional resources going out than are coming in or being replenished. The well is dry and you don’t have anymore to give to anyone, potentially even yourself.

The third type of tiredness I think is important to mention is spiritual tiredness. We are spiritual beings and life is more than our bodies, more than work, and more than relating to others. There is a spiritual side to life that gives us purpose and meaning, and which helps us “make sense” of our lives and the world around us. We become spiritually tired, I think, when we don’t pay attention to the spiritual side of our life and we ignore it. We don’t take time to reflect or ponder; we are not living life with a sense of gratitude. We also become spiritually weary when we lose the sense of how our daily life activities relate to the bigger purpose of our life. We go through the motions of life, but don’t feel connected and have lost of sense of direction.

So what should we do if we are tired?

First, it would be wise to try to discern and identify the type(s) of tiredness you are experiencing.

Second, and this is difficult for those of us who are achievement-oriented (or a bit driven), is to acknowledge and accept that you are tired. It is one thing to generally identify the issue; it is another to accept the reality of one’s tiredness.

Finally, we need to take some actual action steps to deal with the issue. Perseverance is good, but obviously to continue to “keep going” when you are significantly tired can lead to exhaustion (physical, emotional, spiritual), and lots of negative consequences in our lives. Learn how to rest, take a vacation, or do tasks that are restorative.

After working through the weekend last week, and sort of “dragging” myself through this past week, I have had to do some things to help me “rest up” this weekend: I went to the pool and hung out with my wife and daughter; I caught a movie with one of my sons; I went for a couple of runs and a walk in nature; I allowed myself to just sit and enjoy a soccer game on TV; and I hung out with some friends. I almost feel back to “normal” (whatever that is).

As you look toward this holiday weekend, I would encourage you to stop and think beforehand — do you need some rest? what kind? And what would you like to do about it this weekend?

Have a great 4th of July!