I just finished traveling from Wichita to San Francisco this Election Day and was reflecting on the stress of prior Election Nights.  So I thought I’d give a few suggestions for each of us to manage our stress successfully.

Manage your expectations.  Regardless of your political affiliation or views, it is probable that not all of your desired results will happen.  In fact, it is highly likely that you will be disappointed with some of the election results.  When this happens, your life (or even your day) probably isn’t ruined.  Realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you and want you want.

Watch the channels that are consistent with your viewpoint.  Again, it really doesn’t matter what your political position is — unless you want to become irritated, have high blood pressure, and be grumpy to those around you — choose to primarily watch those news stations that are more consistent with your views.  This should lower your agitation for the evening.

Get some exercise.  Take a walk.  Go for a run.  Go to the gym and work out on the machines (while watching the returns, if you must).  Do something physical, and this will help “wash away” those tension building chemicals in your body.

Stretch.  Getting uptight, literally does that — it makes your muscles tense up.  So instead of just sitting in the easy chair or on the couch, stretch on the floor or stand up and do some upper body stretches while watching the election returns.

Set a goal for when you want to get to bed (and possibly give yourself an extra 30-60 minutes).  Think through tomorrow, when you have to get up and what you have to accomplish.  Set a  “drop dead” time that you will get to bed by.

Realize that the impact on your life will be the same whether you find out the results at midnight, 2 a.m. or tomorrow morning.  We are addicted to “real time” news and have become accustomed to wanted to know the latest information right now.  In actuality, the impact on your life will most probably be the same if you find out the results in the morning, so don’t “kill” tomorrow by staying up too late tonight.

Provide some margin in your life and schedule tomorrow for being tired and emotinally drained.   It would be wise, if possible, not to pack your day full tomorrow and expect to be able to function at 100%.  You probably will be both physically and emotionally tired, and it would be good for you (and those around you) to plan accordingly.

Major (repeated) upheaval in the financial markets.  Hurricane Ike.  Flooding across the Midwest.  Concerns about who will be elected President (from both sides). Bombings in Pakistan.  Political turmoil in Bolivia and Venezuela.  The negative, worry-producing news keeps coming.

What’s a person to do?  Ignore it?  Stress out?  Drink more? (I heard a news report that beer and wine sales are up significantly in the last 6 months.)

Previously, I have written about the role of thankfulness and gratitude in helping us live more contentedly. Rather than pontificate on the subject further, I thought I would share the things in my life that I am thankful for — and then encourage you to make your own list.

I love:

Sunny, warm fall days with clear blue skies.  Cool fall evenings with the stars out.   The contrast of the sky blue with the late summer dark green grass and leaves.  Going to high school football games with friends on Friday nights.  The pagentry of college football games on Saturday afternoons with all the colors, sounds of the marching bands, and faint smells in the outdoor air.  Sitting around bonfires with young people and old friends.  Teaching others how to split wood and build a fire.

Fresh, perfectly ripened fruit — blueberries, blackberries, red (and black, when I can get them) raspberries, wonderful golden juicy peaches, slightly tart and crisp apples, sweet juicy grapes, cool watermelon on a hot day, sloppy mangoes (that’s how I am when I eat them), refreshing pineapple, cantalope that freshens your mouth when you eat it at breakfast, zingy pink grapefruit, fresh limes in limeade, there’s probably more.

I also love sounds: Cicadas in the woods.  The rhythmic buzz of grasshoppers, crickets & other insects when walking through a field of prairie. The breaking of waves on the beach.  Rolling thunder in the distance at night.  The wind in the trees (especially cottonwoods and eucalyptus).  The unique swoosh of the wind moving through the needles of pine trees in the mountains.  Children’s laughter when they are playing and running.  Music of all kinds — soothing classical orchestral music, energizing classic rock from the 70’s, foot-tapping quick paced bluegrass, the angelic sound of a women’s choir, the rousing fullness of a strong men’s choir, and the wonder of a talented musician playing a solo on their instrument.

I could go on.  But you get the idea.  Think of your senses — what do you enjoy the feel of? the sound of? the taste of? being able to see? what aromas bring you pleasure?

And while I’m am thinking about it — I am thankful for eyeglasses, for hot showers, for cool refreshing drinks with ice, for clean water, for quality medical treatment, for pain medication, sleeping in a comfortable bed with no bugs, being able to walk and run, for my wife and kids, for my friends.   Life is good.

Now it’s your turn.  What is good in your life?

After being on the road for a week in California, I came home fairly tired. As the weekend progressed I seemed to get more tired — both emotionally and physically. And as I started dealing with home-related (e.g. lawn) and family matters, as well as getting caught up on some minor office work and then looking ahead to the beginning of next week, I started feeling emotionally overloaded. So I started taking a personal inventory of what was going on. I thought about my own advice I’ve given previously on different types of tiredness and different types of rest as well as what I have written about being overwhelmed and ways to try to keep your life balanced.So I reviewed key principles:

• Get rest. Check. I slept in on Saturday and took a nap today.
• Keep exercising. Check. I did some physical labor in the yard yesterday and I ran (figuratively speaking) today.
• Eat well. (Stay away from sugar, caffeine and junk food). Well, I didn’t totally blow it. Had some cake.
• Take a break and do something rejuvenating. Check. Went to a high school football game Friday night, spent time with Kathy, went for a walk in the woods, and watched the Jayhawks win in football.
• Prioritize — figure out what needs to be done now. Check. Went through my mail, email and incompleted work and figured out what had to be done now, what needs to be done Monday, and what can wait.

But it wasn’t working. I was still feeling quite stressed and emotionally overloaded. What was up? And then it hit me — the real issue was that I was carrying the weight of responsibility for things I really wasn’t responsible. I was stressed and feeling overwhelmed because I was concerned about things that weren’t really my responsibility. All the steps I had taken would have reduced my stress if I was just dealing with my regular responsibilities. But I was taking on additional issues that weren’t mine and they were stressing me out.

So once I realized: 1) what I was really stressed about; 2) that the issues weren’t my responsibility to take care of; and 3) I could quit worrying about things that weren’t mine to carry — then I began to feel more “normal” (at least, just normally tired).

So if you are stressed, you are doing the best you can to manage your stress, and you still feel overwhelmed — do
another check.

Are you taking on and carrying responsibility that is not yours to carry?

August in the Midwest is usually the “dog days of summer” — hot, intense sun, and humid.  It is uncomfortable and physically draining.  But we have had some unusual weather this past week — cool and rainy. Three solid days of rain, in fact, in a time of year that we don’t expect it.

So, as a result, I’ve had the opportunity to reflect on rainy days, how they represent other aspects of our lives, and what we can learn from them.

We are not in control of everything. There are obviously aspects of our lives that we do not control. Weather is one. Global economic forces is another. Random events of nature and the choices that others make are two others. Rainy days can help remind us of this reality.

Learning to flex with changes in circumstances is healthy. When circumstances change in our lives, we have a choice of how to respond. We can complain, get angry and frustrated. Or we can say — “okay, what do we do now?” and develop a replacement plan.

“Rainy days” (and other circumstances) give us an opportunity to slow down and rest. Many of us live at a fast pace, even overbooked. Rainy days, canceled appointments, and other events that disrupt our schedules can “force” us to slow down. And for some reason (I think it has to do with barometric pressure) rainy days are great for taking naps. Sometimes it may be better to slow down and enjoy the interruption, rather than scurry around and try to repack your schedule.

“Saving for a rainy day” is a wise thing to do. The adage that we should “save for a rainy day” came from the time when people were largely living hand-to-mouth, getting paid for a day’s work at the end of the day. However, if it was raining, they would not be needed in the fields to work; so they would not earn any money — which was often needed for food for the following day. The same principle can occur in today’s economy. Work to be done, sales orders, accounts receivable — can all go away. And if you or your business is living close to the edge, the loss of income can put you at risk. It’s best to not spend (or even reinvest) all of your income, assuming it will always be there; rather, save some for your life’s version of a rainy day.

Use the time and space to do other things that need to be done — specifically, maintenance and clean up. I remember when growing up that rainy (or cold, icy) days were a great time to go downstairs to the basement in our “working area” (where we had tools and wood projects) and clean it up. Similarly, when we have breaks in our schedule, it can be an opportunity to do some cleaning or maintenance activities (filing, lower priority emails, reading through the pile of professional magazines on your credenza) that we usually don’t get to.

If none of these responses fit, maybe you should just go outside and play in the rain. Experience it. Enjoy it. And leave the work for another day.

Partly in reflecting on my own life this past week, I have become aware of different types of tiredness we may experience from time to time.

First, obviously, there is physical weariness, which can either come from hard physical labor (or exercise) or, more likely, from not sleeping enough. Some research suggests up to 40% of Americans are severely sleep deprived (and the percentage is higher for high school & college students). If you consistently wake up tired, become sleepy during the day, or fall asleep when you sit down for a few minutes, you probably need to get more sleep. What is the practical impact of not getting enough sleep? You will be less efficient in getting tasks done, you are more at risk for having an accident while driving, your immune system is weakened and you are more likely to become ill.

Secondly, there is emotional tiredness — just not having the emotional energy to do the things you need to. At its more extreme form, this is what we usually call burnout — your emotional gas tank is empty and you “don’t have any more to give”. Here are some common symptoms:

• you are easily irritated
• you work long hours but get less done
• you have difficulty focusing
• you are apathetic about getting things done
• you just generally don’t like your life
• you don’t want to be around people

Emotional tiredness is common after you have been pushing toward completing a big project, and you get it done. The emotional drain is greater when you are done but not pleased with the outcome, or the results weren’t what you were hoping for. Or burnout comes when you have been “giving” (in whatever form) over a long period of time, with more emotional resources going out than are coming in or being replenished. The well is dry and you don’t have anymore to give to anyone, potentially even yourself.

The third type of tiredness I think is important to mention is spiritual tiredness. We are spiritual beings and life is more than our bodies, more than work, and more than relating to others. There is a spiritual side to life that gives us purpose and meaning, and which helps us “make sense” of our lives and the world around us. We become spiritually tired, I think, when we don’t pay attention to the spiritual side of our life and we ignore it. We don’t take time to reflect or ponder; we are not living life with a sense of gratitude. We also become spiritually weary when we lose the sense of how our daily life activities relate to the bigger purpose of our life. We go through the motions of life, but don’t feel connected and have lost of sense of direction.

So what should we do if we are tired?

First, it would be wise to try to discern and identify the type(s) of tiredness you are experiencing.

Second, and this is difficult for those of us who are achievement-oriented (or a bit driven), is to acknowledge and accept that you are tired. It is one thing to generally identify the issue; it is another to accept the reality of one’s tiredness.

Finally, we need to take some actual action steps to deal with the issue. Perseverance is good, but obviously to continue to “keep going” when you are significantly tired can lead to exhaustion (physical, emotional, spiritual), and lots of negative consequences in our lives. Learn how to rest, take a vacation, or do tasks that are restorative.

After working through the weekend last week, and sort of “dragging” myself through this past week, I have had to do some things to help me “rest up” this weekend: I went to the pool and hung out with my wife and daughter; I caught a movie with one of my sons; I went for a couple of runs and a walk in nature; I allowed myself to just sit and enjoy a soccer game on TV; and I hung out with some friends. I almost feel back to “normal” (whatever that is).

As you look toward this holiday weekend, I would encourage you to stop and think beforehand — do you need some rest? what kind? And what would you like to do about it this weekend?

Have a great 4th of July!

Although I am a psychologist who has published research myself, and reviews and uses research findings in my everyday work, those of you who have known me for a while also know I have a bit of a skeptical (and sometimes cynical) view of claims made by researchers (and even more so, claims reported in the mainstream media). Part of my skepticism is based on experience of seeing research questions, designs and results skewed by the researchers’ a priori biases (i.e. the beliefs they held prior to the research, which affected how they looked at the problem). And part of my cynicism is based on the stupid things that we sometimes research — like the research psychiatrists did over a ten year span to determine that infants have different temperaments. Psychologists, psychiatrists and other social scientists seem to “shine” more than others in the area of stupid research.

Having said all of that, I now can report that psychologists have verified what many of our parents told us when we were kids and teenagers — that “work is good for you“. Or, alternative expressions included: “It will be good for you to get out there and sweat for a while.” “Idle hands are the devil’s tool.” Or, “Work never hurt anyone.”

So, if you (or your kids and grandkids) come from the worldview that having research to back up your beliefs gives you more credibility, you can now say with confidence: “Research has shown that work is good for you — emotionally and for your overall psychological well-being.” People who work tend to be more emotionally healthy and they find more satisfaction in their lives.

Additionally, we know that the most important aspects of work-life to manage are the transitions — from student-life to work, from job to job, from work to nonwork (being laid off, staying home with children, retirement) and from nonwork to work (reentering the workforce after being out for a while).

Do we need research to tell us these points? Probably not. But I thought I’d share them with you. If you want more specifics, see the May-June 2008 edition of the American Psychologist.

Have a great week. And for those of us who are fortunate enough to have the privilege of working, be happy and remember that working this week will be good for your mental health.

Well, I am just back from 2+ weeks on the road — some work related, and some family vacation. And I have been reflecting on different types of “rest” — which is a timely topic, given that most people had a holiday weekend (although I would bet, for many, it wasn’t necessarily restful), and others are looking forward to a summer vacation.

My vacation time included fighting sickness for a good part of it (starting with allergies / cold and turning into a sinus infection with sore throat, bronchial congestion and lots of coughing). And this combination of sickness and vacation led to my thinking about different kinds of rest we need and experience.

Obviously, on a daily level, we rest (or take breaks) as we go through the day and tire from our work and activities. Then at the end of the day, we rest, relax and eventually go to bed — where our night of sleep restores (hopefully) our physical, mental and emotional energy to tackle the tasks of the next day. We do this for five or six days and then have the weekend. And the weekend is supposedly designed to give us one or two days to rest and restore ourselves for the next week.

Unfortunately, many of us keep going at a fast pace (often doing “fun” things) that often wear us down. I am reminded of co-workers earlier in my life who would say they had to come back to work to recuperate from their weekend.

And then there are holidays and vacations. Holidays are typically celebrations that include family and friends, and can be fairly exhausting. Or they provide some extra time to get “caught up” on projects and tasks that we feel behind in.

Historically, for me, I have planned vacations at a full and fast pace — leave as soon as possible, return at the last moment possible and play hard in between. However, this left little margin for getting ready & packing, unpacking and doing laundry, and getting caught up on mail, email, etc. — which led to overload (not only for me, but more so for my wife). Fortunately, I have learned to back off of this some and leave some margin of time and energy on at least one end of the vacation.

What was interesting to me this vacation was the different experience I had as a result of being sick for part of my vacation. Typically, on vacation I let my mind “breathe” — I get away from work tasks, try not to think about work much, don’t do work-related reading, etc. and let my mind freewheel a bit. This seems to be restorative to me.

When we are sick, we usually need to rest as well — to let our body fight whatever infection we have, and regain physical strength drained from fighting the illness. But when I am sick and am resting (usually sleeping or sitting somewhere with a flat-line brainwave), I am not thinking at all. I may be on meds and I am just numb. And it is not restorative in the same way. I don’t feel mentally or emotionally rejuvenated, and my creative thought processes aren’t recharged.

So I was a bit disappointed, feeling somewhat robbed of the mental / emotional / creative rejuvenation I was looking forward to.

In thinking about my experience as a microcosm of what happens in other “organisms” (families, businesses, organizations), I realized that they, too, have different types of rest and restoration that occur.

When a system or organism is generally healthy, rest (vacations, corporate retreats, planning sessions) can help the organism regain strength and focus needed to take on new tasks and challenges. Healthy leadership teams can come away from an annual retreat energized with new creative ideas to take into the marketplace.

But if a group or team is not healthy — it is fighting serious internal problems and challenges, struggling to survive on a day-to-day basis — then the rest takes on a different experience and meaning. Then the time and energy is focused on just getting well. There may be a sense of relief — of taking time and energy to get “caught up” and deal with significant problems. But usually, there isn’t a looking forward to the retreat or planning session because it is problem-focused, not really being restorative or creative (who looks forward to laying in bed all day because you are sick?).

Some implications strike me for businesses, and even families who are planning to get together.

First, take a pulse of your system / organism / organization. Are you generally healthy? Or are you primarily trying to survive because of internal issues or external factors attacking you? If you are more in the sickness mode, then take steps to do what you can to get healthy. Don’t go into an annual retreat, family gathering, or planning session and act like you are going to do long term creative planning. It won’t happen until the more critical issues are addressed.

Second, if your system is doing well, then plan some time for some rest, reflection, and celebration. Don’t push your team to the limit. By planning some time to rejuvenate, you will allow the team members to become stronger, get recharged, and come up with some new creative ideas that will make the system work even better.

Generally, in the U.S., it seems we are frenetic about pursuing pleasure and leisure activities, but we are not great at pursuing restorative rest. This seems to be true at the individual level, within families, and within business as well. Think about it (it takes some free time and mental space to think about it), and see what you come up with.

I took some time off this weekend to “do nothing” — more than usual, at least. So Friday night, I went to a baseball game (to me that is pretty close to doing nothing!) with my family and hung out with some friends. After doing some chores on Saturday, I went fishing for a while (a more correct description would be “beating the water and losing lures”), went to a movie, and then hung out in the nice Spring evening shooting the breeze with some friends. And today, I helped my wife do some gardening, did some reading, and took a walk in the woods.

To be honest, I needed to do nothing. I was (am?) pretty emotionally worn out and needed some mental space. I kept asking Kathy, “Why am I so tired?” and she started listing off the various projects I am involved in. And I said, “Oh, yea.” So I kept choosing to rest, piddle, and slow down. And it was interesting this weekend, as I interacted with others, a lot of people said, “I’m really tired.”

And it made me think, “Why are we so busy?” What drives our busyness? So, obviously, the starting point is to look at my life — what drives me? why do I choose activity versus rest? Why do I fill my schedule full? Lest those of you who know me well start to write and tell me why, my goal isn’t to do a full self psychoanalysis here. But I will share some thoughts that are relevant both to me — some in the past, some in the present — and others I know.

It seems a large part of our busyness — whether it is work-related, or family-driven — is driven by fear. Fear of “falling behind”. Fear of not knowing something important that we think we should know. Being afraid that we are going to miss out on some opportunity. Being anxious that our kids are going to be “behind” — in academics, in sports, socially, with regards to the latest gadget.

I observe the phenomenon frequently in youth sports. We are starting our children to participate in organized sports at earlier and earlier ages — T-ball, basketball, soccer, etc. — largely because we don’t want our kids to be “left behind” and not be competitive later in life. Reality check: Many successful athletes did not start playing their sport until junior high or high school. And many middle school and high school athletes, who are quite gifted, are dropping out of sports due to burn out.

Just this weekend, a friend who coaches his kids’ soccer team asked me if my son played in select club tournaments when he was 9 or 10. My son, who was an All-State soccer player in high school, didn’t start playing soccer until middle school. The father replied, “That settles it. I’m not sacrificing my weekends with my family for tournaments at this age.” Bravo. (I’m surprised we don’t have leagues where parents push their children around the field in strollers so they “will get the feel of the game.”)

But I see it in business, too. Someone sees or hears a spot on the news, or reads an article or blog, about “successful businesses do xyz” and all of a sudden they come to the management team and say, “We need to be doing xyz. Everyone is doing it and if we don’t, we’ll be left behind the competition.” It is like chasing money market returns from last year. It looks good, so let’s go after it.

Now there is a type of busyness that comes from a high drive to achieve. These people often have high energy levels, are goal-oriented, and want to be “successful” — however, that may be defined in their field of expertise (including parenting). Not to get too psychoanalytical here, but sometimes these people’s drive for achievement can be rooted in fear, too. Often the drivenness comes from earlier life experiences that they don’t want to experience again (this was common for Depression-era entrepreneurs). And sometimes it just seems to be the person’s personality type.

But when busyness creates physical lack of wellness due to not taking care of oneself, or when your schedule is so full you have virtually no time or emotional energy to invest in relationships (family and/or friends), or you just don’t have the mental or emotional energy to do “it” anymore, then it is time to do some self-reflection.

It seems to me that a few well-placed actions can help stem the tide against our culture of busyness.

1. Be clear about your goals. What do you want in life? What are your business goals? What are your goals for your children? If you don’t clarify your goals, then you are at risk for being driven by the latest fad that blows by.

2. Set like-minded people around you. We all need support. And our culture — through the media, our neighbors, our coworkers, and our competitors — give us seemingly hundreds of messages a day that we need to be going faster, working harder, doing more, etc. We need a cadre of friends, colleagues and compatriots who have similar values and goals to be “reality checks” for us, to serve as examples in their lives, and to help us weather the forces we are moving against.

3. Create structures in your life that facilitate accomplishing your goals. If you want to get in better shape physically, it makes sense to structure exercise into your week. If you want to have good family relationships, then you better schedule time together that allows for talking about what is going on in your lives. If you want to have a profitable business that provides excellent services, then you better have mechanisms in place to measure profitability and the quality of services provided. Additionally, existing structure creates resistance to distractibility. If I have a meeting every Monday at 9 a.m. with my team that is core to our business plan, then that is a barrier to scheduling something else at that time that may not be as important.

Most of us are busy. Many of us are busier than we want to be (myself included). So, we (I) need to take some responsibility for our lives and ask ourselves: If I am busier than I want to be, what is driving me to make the decisions to keep so busy?

I write about the principles of leadership that I either observe in successful business owners and managers, or what I read in books and articles on leadership. So it makes sense that I should try to apply these principles, as well.

Here I am, waiting in an airport, delayed due to weather in Chicago (where I am hoping to go). So I am trying to apply a couple of principles I frequently hear about — be prepared, and be willing to adjust to life’s circumstances.

I have traveled enough over the past several years to know that there is always a fair chance of delays. As a result, I load myself up with materials needed to get tasks done while waiting. Reading materials, paper & pad (for writing, in case I don’t have access to electricity and my battery dies), my laptop, and projects to work on — all are the typical supplies I bring. So right now, I am hooked into the airport computer access system and writing my blog for the week.

Those are my specifics for this week. What are yours? What things are wise or prudent for you to have with you in order to “be prepared”? It could relate to objects you need in your car in case you have a wreck or slide off the road. It could be items that would be good to have with you in case a meeting cancels or the person you are scheduled to have lunch with doesn’t show up.

Now the second principle — being able (and willing) to adjust to life circumstances. Part of this has to do with expectations — I now expect to have delays while flying between 33% to 50% of the time. So I try not to get exceptionally upset or frustrated when it happens. Delays are part of travel in the “hub and spoke” airline system we have.

The other part of adjusting to changes in circumstances is not having a schedule that is inflexible. If you are too tightly scheduled, there is no room for adjustment. And sometimes, your plans just aren’t going to happen as you plan. And I really am talking more broadly than about travel — life’s circumstances affect us when external forces outside of our control impact the economy and our business, when we have a car wreck, when we get sick, and so forth.

In what areas of your life are you too tightly scheduled? Where do you really get irritated or agitated when circumstances don’t go smoothly? For me, it’s often in the smaller spots of life — daily appointments, driving in traffic, not being able to reach people on the phone. For whatever reason, I seem to do better with the bigger events and struggle in the smaller ones. What are the growth areas for you in learning to adjust to changes in your life’s circumstances?

The final principle (the one that I was going to focus on in this entry before my travel delays occurred) is that of learning. A repetitive theme in the literature on leadership is that leaders (and future leaders) are learners. They learn from others. They are observant. They are self-motivated to learn through reading, seminars, and workshops.

One theme I have observed is that individuals who are successful in “life” (that is, in managing their lives personally and professionally) is that they often integrate principles and concepts from divergent areas. It it good to be knowledgeable and competent in your professional area of expertise. But, in many ways, that is baseline — it is expected. Leaders learn from other areas of life and apply those principles to their business or relationships. For example, I remember one author that taught relational leadership behaviors that he learned from his hobby of competitive sailing. Another executive of an organization I know is always asking his friends what they are learning.

I read a lot. And I try to “keep up” in the fields in which I practice — psychology, business succession, wealth transfer, family relationships, and the various struggles individuals and families have. But I find my true value comes when I can bring information from one area to another (e.g. I am finding parallels in the principles in working with family-owned businesses to the area of family foundations, many of the challenges are similar.)

The reason I was planning on writing on this “learning” principle is because I am headed to Chicago for training in a new computer-based program for ADHD individuals that has been shown to have an 80% success rate in helping them with the issues of attention, concentration, distractibility, organizational skills, difficulties learning & retaining information. The research is impressive and I am excited to learn about this program. I’ll let you know what I find out — and how it may relate to some seemingly unrelated area of life.

Ok. Confession time. I am feeling overwhelmed. It seems like I have more work (and other life tasks) to do than I have time and mental (or emotional) energy. [I can hear the thoughts now: “Physician (or psychologist), heal thyself!”]

Let me explain the reasons for my current condition (from my perspective, that is; my wife will probably have other factors she would add). I believe my “overwhelmedness” is a combination of both: (a) lifestyle, and (b) a convergence of circumstances.

On the lifestyle side, I tend to run at a fast pace, pack my days and weeks quite full, and expect to get a lot done in a short period of time. So if too many unexpected challenges arise or unplanned tasks pop up, I can run short on the time and energy to complete what is before me. I have battled over the years to keep some margin in my life and schedule — sometimes I do better than others.

Add to this life pattern the fact that I have had business meetings over the past two weekends (an unusual pattern for me), and I have become overwhelmed. Weekends for me are partly for “catching up” from the week, as well as rejuvenating myself. And the fact that I had meetings over the weekends meant that I actually created more work to “catch up” from. Hence, I feel I have more to do than possible in the time allotted.

So, I thought: “Well, let’s use this as a problem-solving lesson on what you should do when you feel overwhelmed.” (I’m generally ok with a moderate amount of self-disclosure.)

First, I need to take stock and see what really needs to get done and by when. For me, it is helpful to write down all the things I think I need to do, and then to start to prioritize them (either by timeframe [today, tomorrow, this week, later] or by rank ordering).

Then I have to engage in some “self-talk”. “Ok, what really has to get done today? Why? What will happen if it doesn’t?” Often, my timeframes for getting things done are more about how I will look to others (i.e. what I think they will think of me if I don’t get it done as soon as I think I should). Usually, I am able to convince myself that not everything has to be done “right now”, and that I am going to let some items slide — for my own mental health. [For example, I am two days late in getting this posting out — which is my own timeframe; I decided no one would die if if came out late.]

With my newly re-prioritized list, I then look and see which tasks or items I could delegate to someone else, rather than do them myself. Many times there aren’t too many items I can hand off. Additionally, some of us (myself included) have the pattern of taking on too much and often look to others to “help us out”. This is ok in a work setting, if you have an administrative assistant whose job is to do these types of tasks. Both the pattern becomes problematic if we consistently overcommit ourselves and ask our spouses, family members, friends or colleagues to bail us out.

After delegating whatever I can (appropriately), it is now time to “dive in”. This means I start on the most important task and work on it until it is completed. Then I tackle the second most important task. The challenge is keeping focused, not getting distracted by minor interruptions, and working until the task is complete. Having a number of partially-completed important tasks does not bring the sense of relief and accomplishment that comes with successfully and fully completing a highly important task.

If you are truly overwhelmed (by my definition, at least), you are not going to “dig out” in one day. It is a longer term situation. Therefore, my next principle is to keep doing those things that are necessary to re-energize and rejuvenate you. Now is not the time to quit exercising. It is not the time to load yourself up with chemicals that give temporary energy or relief, but which will create a backlash (think sugar, chocolate, caffeine, alcohol). And don’t significantly reduce the amount of sleep you get. When getting caught up from being “buried”, we use a lot of mental and emotional energy. Sleep deprivation will just make matters worse. Now, realistically speaking, we may cut back on our exercise program, or work later (or get up earlier) to a degree, but the issue is one of moderation.

Two more points. First, celebrate the victories. As you knock off tasks that needed to be completed, be sure and take time to feel good about it. Take a breath, stretch and say, “OK, that one is done.” Then dive in to the next task (it generally doesn’t help the overall plan by celebrating for hours!)

Second, make decisions today that will not continue to create the overwhelmed pattern next week. Say “no”, “that will have to wait”, “I’ll have to get back to you on that one.” Probably one of my biggest problems is continuing to say “yes” or to fill my calendar, leaving little time for margin. So check yourself and make sure you aren’t putting yourself in a “repeat this bad week” mode for the future.

Finally, I have been focusing primarily on getting the tasks done. But the real cost of feeling overwhelmed is how it impacts our relationships with others. We are rushed. We don’t have time to talk. We are irritable and “short”. We become primarily self-focused on our lives and what we feel we need to get done. We are unavailable (physically and emotionally.) And although those around us who care about us are willing to “put up” with us for a while, over the long term, these characteristics can really damage the relationship. [Guilty as charged. Gotta go talk to my wife.]