Endurance. Perseverance. Persistence. Patience. They are words I hear a lot when individuals who are successful in their field describe how or why they succeeded.

And yet perseverance is not a word nor a concept that we are especially drawn to. It is almost one of those characteristics that we look back on and view positively, but not one that leadership speakers frequently preach to us.

The definition is interesting to me.

“Perseverance: Steady persistence in adhering to a course of action, a belief, or a purpose; steadfastness.” Perseverance is not just blind repetitive action — doing the same thing over and over. It is tied directly to a goal, belief or purpose. We persist because we believe it is the right thing to do, or because we hope persevering will help us attain the goal we desire.

As Henry Ward Beecher differentiated, “The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.” In other words, perseverance is goal directed and a positive attempt to achieve.

Another aspect of perseverance is that it is “daily”. Persisting on a task is not flashy nor exciting. It is both the action and result of doing the daily grind — whether that is getting up and exercising; the everyday housework tasks of laundry, dishes, cleaning up, and keeping the house running; or those tasks that make up your “job”. It is doing those daily menial tasks that make the difference between getting the job done and just thinking about it.

Dale Carnegie spoke to this aspect of perseverance:

“Don’t be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.”

Besides being goal-directed and daily, perseverance also relates to challenges and difficulties encountered. We don’t usually recount: “Yea, I persevered through the flat terrain; the cool, dry but sunny weather; and the course that was on a really smooth track.” No, perseverance has to do with persisting and enduring through difficulties. Those difficulties may be external obstacles, they may be unrealized dreams (that is, you did x, y and z and you still haven’t reached your goal), or they may be the result of weaknesses you personally have or in your plan.

Ralph Waldo Emerson proclaimed:

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.”

I think is it is interesting (and important) to look at the opposite side — what does “not persevering” look like? Giving up. Becoming weary. Losing heart. Not continuing. And sometimes — complaining, blaming, and making excuses.

I just read a fascinating book this week, recommended by my father-in-law, The War Journal of Major Damon “Rocky” Gause, about a soldier who escaped from the Japanese in the Philippines and through perseverance, luck, the help of others, and the grace of God sailed with one other companion all the way to Austrailia. What impressed me from his story was he just kept going — problem-solving, waiting when necessary, and never giving up on his goal. Never in his journal did I pick up a tone of fatalism, blaming others or making excuses for the numerous bad circumstances he encountered.

So what does this all mean to us?

First, I think a fact of life that helps us persist through difficulties is to accept that there will be difficulties. Things will go wrong. We will experience obstacles and roadblocks. Some people will be against us. Okay. So … let’s keep going.

Secondly, it seems that persevering is easier when accompanied by others — but the “right” others. Stay away from complainers. Don’t hang out with those who consistently blame others or make excuses for repeatedly not reaching their goals. They will only become weights around your neck. Conversely, find others who are like-minded, who have similar passions and goals, and who already demonstrate the daily discipline of persisting. These are the people you want on your team.

And, maybe there are a couple of other things. Re-evaluate your goals — do you really want to reach them? Re-assess your plan — is it realistic? And read about others who have persevered through great difficulties to reach their goals as an encouragement for you to hang in there.

Have a great week — and hang in there!

Partly in reflecting on my own life this past week, I have become aware of different types of tiredness we may experience from time to time.

First, obviously, there is physical weariness, which can either come from hard physical labor (or exercise) or, more likely, from not sleeping enough. Some research suggests up to 40% of Americans are severely sleep deprived (and the percentage is higher for high school & college students). If you consistently wake up tired, become sleepy during the day, or fall asleep when you sit down for a few minutes, you probably need to get more sleep. What is the practical impact of not getting enough sleep? You will be less efficient in getting tasks done, you are more at risk for having an accident while driving, your immune system is weakened and you are more likely to become ill.

Secondly, there is emotional tiredness — just not having the emotional energy to do the things you need to. At its more extreme form, this is what we usually call burnout — your emotional gas tank is empty and you “don’t have any more to give”. Here are some common symptoms:

• you are easily irritated
• you work long hours but get less done
• you have difficulty focusing
• you are apathetic about getting things done
• you just generally don’t like your life
• you don’t want to be around people

Emotional tiredness is common after you have been pushing toward completing a big project, and you get it done. The emotional drain is greater when you are done but not pleased with the outcome, or the results weren’t what you were hoping for. Or burnout comes when you have been “giving” (in whatever form) over a long period of time, with more emotional resources going out than are coming in or being replenished. The well is dry and you don’t have anymore to give to anyone, potentially even yourself.

The third type of tiredness I think is important to mention is spiritual tiredness. We are spiritual beings and life is more than our bodies, more than work, and more than relating to others. There is a spiritual side to life that gives us purpose and meaning, and which helps us “make sense” of our lives and the world around us. We become spiritually tired, I think, when we don’t pay attention to the spiritual side of our life and we ignore it. We don’t take time to reflect or ponder; we are not living life with a sense of gratitude. We also become spiritually weary when we lose the sense of how our daily life activities relate to the bigger purpose of our life. We go through the motions of life, but don’t feel connected and have lost of sense of direction.

So what should we do if we are tired?

First, it would be wise to try to discern and identify the type(s) of tiredness you are experiencing.

Second, and this is difficult for those of us who are achievement-oriented (or a bit driven), is to acknowledge and accept that you are tired. It is one thing to generally identify the issue; it is another to accept the reality of one’s tiredness.

Finally, we need to take some actual action steps to deal with the issue. Perseverance is good, but obviously to continue to “keep going” when you are significantly tired can lead to exhaustion (physical, emotional, spiritual), and lots of negative consequences in our lives. Learn how to rest, take a vacation, or do tasks that are restorative.

After working through the weekend last week, and sort of “dragging” myself through this past week, I have had to do some things to help me “rest up” this weekend: I went to the pool and hung out with my wife and daughter; I caught a movie with one of my sons; I went for a couple of runs and a walk in nature; I allowed myself to just sit and enjoy a soccer game on TV; and I hung out with some friends. I almost feel back to “normal” (whatever that is).

As you look toward this holiday weekend, I would encourage you to stop and think beforehand — do you need some rest? what kind? And what would you like to do about it this weekend?

Have a great 4th of July!

This week I have been reflecting on the role of optimism and hope in life and business.

(These thoughts aren’t real “deep” or well-developed, but rather some initial musings.)

In the past 10+ years there has been a significant movement within psychology that focuses on the positive side of life (aptly named, positive psychology; see the work by Martin Seligman and others.) This was partly in reaction to psychology and psychiatry’s historical focus on problems — mental illness, psychiatric disorders, dysfunctional relationships, etc. But it was from the realization that a core aspect of many successful people’s lives was their positive view of life. Individuals who achieved higher levels of success in their chosen area often seemed to have a cheerful demeanor, an attitude of “looking forward” to the future (rather than a dour, pessimism) and a “let’s find the silver lining in this dark cloud” mentality and seemed to help them overcome challenges and barriers encountered. See the classic book, Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl or the movie Life is Beautiful directed by Roberto Benigni, for examples.

Optimism seems rooted in hope. Hope that circumstances will get better. Hope that your toil and sweat will pay off in the long run. Hope that something good will happen today (or tomorrow). Interestingly, hope often must exist in the face of circumstances which do not support it — bad news, pain, being wronged by others, receiving unfair treatment, things breaking, others not keeping their word, seemingly random negative events that keep happening to you.

What is the basis for hope? Some research suggests that some people seem naturally predisposed to having a more optimistic and hopeful view of life (unfortunately, we can’t choose our genetic pool.) Other research and reports from those who have lived through difficult circumstances indicate that keeping focused on the moment enables people to survive and keep going — they focus on today and what they need to do to make it to tomorrow. Within this present-orientation, having loved ones you care about, and a belief that your life is part of a larger purpose in the universe also seem to be related to maintaining an optimistic view while experiencing difficult circumstances.

How does this relate to business life? I think that optimism and hope are core components of perseverance, which we have already identified as being a key predictor of success in one’s profession. Why persevere if there is no hope of things turning out well? (I do think some people persevere just because they are tough-minded, and refuse to give up.)

Interestingly, I think “rest” is an interrelated issue to perseverance, as well. We are more tempted to give up when we are tired (emotionally and physically). Conversely, after a restful weekend, holiday or vacation, we are ready to tackle the problem again. Additionally, social support encourages us to persevere as well — working in teams together, having someone who gives you verbal encouragement to keep going, etc.

And the goal is to succeed — to reach the desired end in mind, whether that is a specific achievement (an “A” in a difficult college course, reaching your sales goal for the quarter, losing two pounds this week, etc.) or having come through a process successfully (making it through the week without losing your temper, treating your customers with integrity, to have played the game to your fullest ability and effort even if you don’t ‘win’).

Obviously, a hidden question becomes: What are my goals and are they really worth pursuing? Many “successful” individuals (in terms of wealth, influence, fame) reach their goals and thus, are “successful”, but realize upon reaching their goals that the goal was hollow, ephemeral, and didn’t bring them the fulfillment they expected.

More questions and issues than answers, but I am left with the questions:

*How can I increase my level of optimism and hope?

*What can I do to keep persevering in spite of obstacles and challenges (and weariness) encountered?

*Are the goals I am pursuing really the goals I want to achieve? (And am I missing the more important goals along the way?)

When I have the same issue repeat itself three times in one week in different settings, I reach the conclusion that I better write about the issue.

A growing issue for businesses is the challenge of finding quality employees. And, as we have discussed previously, it is currently equally difficult for individuals seeking work to find jobs which are a good match for their abilities and values.

As I shared this week with various employers, managers, and family business owners, there are four characteristics needed for a person to be successful in their career. And these characteristics are true, regardless of career level — from unskilled and skilled labor to highly educated professionals.

First, and most obvious, is technical or professional expertise. Regardless of industry type, or level of skill needed, almost every job requires some baseline ability, knowledge base, or technical ability — computer literacy, accounting/bookkeeping skills, welding ability, organizational skills, physical strength, knowledge of composite materials, etc. And this is the starting point for most position searches — can they . . . ? do they know how to . . .? have they been trained in and are competent to . . . ?

Secondly, an individual who is going to be successful in their current or future job position must be able to get along with others. I have yet to find a job (for pay) that does not have either customers, clients, co-workers, colleagues, supervisors or managers, vendors, supervisees. Every job requires at some level the ability to communicate with and get along with other people.

The third characteristic needed is the ability to manage oneself (particularly your emotions). As a psychologist and one who frequently deals with the emotional side of life, I have come to believe that we all have our own area of emotional vulnerability. For some, it is anger, or being easily frustrated. Depression (or at its less intense level, being easily discouraged) is the challenge for others. Being anxious, fearful, or worrying is a common area of struggle for many. Whatever the specific feeling category it may be, we all have to learn to manage these feelings, so that they don’t interfere with our ability to function in daily life. We have all witnessed otherwise talented individuals, who are “taken down” by their inability to manage their emotional life.

Finally, the characteristic of self-discipline and perseverance is core to being successful in one’s job and career. The ability to do the “daily grind” — to discipline yourself to do the basics of your job even when you don’t feel like it — is foundational to being productive. As I have stated before, when interviewing highly successful business people about their success, they often attribute “perseverance” as one of the central factors which led to their achievements.

Now, remember the title of this entry? “4-1 = 0″ has to do with the factor that if an individual lacks any one of these four characteristics, they probably will not achieve success in their chosen career field. Let’s face it. If you don’t have the technical capabilities in your field, you won’t go far. The same is true for not getting along with others. Or if your emotions get the best of you, your success will be limited. And if you don’t persevere or have the self-discipline to do the “day-in, day-out” tasks, you typically won’t go very far.

But the real issue is this. There aren’t many “4 for 4’s” out there — and they usually are already working for someone else. So what do you do?

I believe the easiest of the four characteristics to develop is the area of technical or professional expertise. Generally speaking, I would rather take a person who: (a) gets along well with others; (b) has good emotional balance; and (c) perseveres and has self-discipline, and then train them in the technical skill or knowledge base. I believe this is far easier than trying to develop one of the other three areas.

So I am encouraging managers and employers to look for good people and then train them. It seems often applicants have some foundational skills or aptitudes, but not to the level of competency the employer is seeking. I counsel these employers to hire people of good character and then invest in training them. So far, this counsel seems to prove to be a successful approach.

Now, I am hearing the thoughts of the business owners and managers out there saying, “easier said than done.” True. How do you find good people?

First, and foremost, good employees are referred to you by trusted friends and colleagues. (Hence, my repetitive call to network.)

The second best approach is to assess for these characteristics. There are measures of emotional intelligence, but I have found them to be only marginally helpful. However, over the past four months I have been investigating and becoming familiar with an assessmetnt tool that assesses not only personality style (measures like the Myers-Briggs or DISC are ubiquitous) but also character. No assessment tool is perfect, but this instrument (called the MERIT profile) has a good research base, and I have found it to be helpful in assessing potential employees. (If you contact the company, tell them you heard about them through my blog.)

Regardless of how you find good candidates, I believe the important point is for employers to focus more of their time and attention in employee selection on the three competencies which comprise emotional intelligence (relational skills, managing your emotions, self-discipline) and accept the fact that you will probably have to teach them the specific skill set needed in the job.

Ok. Confession time. I am feeling overwhelmed. It seems like I have more work (and other life tasks) to do than I have time and mental (or emotional) energy. [I can hear the thoughts now: “Physician (or psychologist), heal thyself!”]

Let me explain the reasons for my current condition (from my perspective, that is; my wife will probably have other factors she would add). I believe my “overwhelmedness” is a combination of both: (a) lifestyle, and (b) a convergence of circumstances.

On the lifestyle side, I tend to run at a fast pace, pack my days and weeks quite full, and expect to get a lot done in a short period of time. So if too many unexpected challenges arise or unplanned tasks pop up, I can run short on the time and energy to complete what is before me. I have battled over the years to keep some margin in my life and schedule — sometimes I do better than others.

Add to this life pattern the fact that I have had business meetings over the past two weekends (an unusual pattern for me), and I have become overwhelmed. Weekends for me are partly for “catching up” from the week, as well as rejuvenating myself. And the fact that I had meetings over the weekends meant that I actually created more work to “catch up” from. Hence, I feel I have more to do than possible in the time allotted.

So, I thought: “Well, let’s use this as a problem-solving lesson on what you should do when you feel overwhelmed.” (I’m generally ok with a moderate amount of self-disclosure.)

First, I need to take stock and see what really needs to get done and by when. For me, it is helpful to write down all the things I think I need to do, and then to start to prioritize them (either by timeframe [today, tomorrow, this week, later] or by rank ordering).

Then I have to engage in some “self-talk”. “Ok, what really has to get done today? Why? What will happen if it doesn’t?” Often, my timeframes for getting things done are more about how I will look to others (i.e. what I think they will think of me if I don’t get it done as soon as I think I should). Usually, I am able to convince myself that not everything has to be done “right now”, and that I am going to let some items slide — for my own mental health. [For example, I am two days late in getting this posting out — which is my own timeframe; I decided no one would die if if came out late.]

With my newly re-prioritized list, I then look and see which tasks or items I could delegate to someone else, rather than do them myself. Many times there aren’t too many items I can hand off. Additionally, some of us (myself included) have the pattern of taking on too much and often look to others to “help us out”. This is ok in a work setting, if you have an administrative assistant whose job is to do these types of tasks. Both the pattern becomes problematic if we consistently overcommit ourselves and ask our spouses, family members, friends or colleagues to bail us out.

After delegating whatever I can (appropriately), it is now time to “dive in”. This means I start on the most important task and work on it until it is completed. Then I tackle the second most important task. The challenge is keeping focused, not getting distracted by minor interruptions, and working until the task is complete. Having a number of partially-completed important tasks does not bring the sense of relief and accomplishment that comes with successfully and fully completing a highly important task.

If you are truly overwhelmed (by my definition, at least), you are not going to “dig out” in one day. It is a longer term situation. Therefore, my next principle is to keep doing those things that are necessary to re-energize and rejuvenate you. Now is not the time to quit exercising. It is not the time to load yourself up with chemicals that give temporary energy or relief, but which will create a backlash (think sugar, chocolate, caffeine, alcohol). And don’t significantly reduce the amount of sleep you get. When getting caught up from being “buried”, we use a lot of mental and emotional energy. Sleep deprivation will just make matters worse. Now, realistically speaking, we may cut back on our exercise program, or work later (or get up earlier) to a degree, but the issue is one of moderation.

Two more points. First, celebrate the victories. As you knock off tasks that needed to be completed, be sure and take time to feel good about it. Take a breath, stretch and say, “OK, that one is done.” Then dive in to the next task (it generally doesn’t help the overall plan by celebrating for hours!)

Second, make decisions today that will not continue to create the overwhelmed pattern next week. Say “no”, “that will have to wait”, “I’ll have to get back to you on that one.” Probably one of my biggest problems is continuing to say “yes” or to fill my calendar, leaving little time for margin. So check yourself and make sure you aren’t putting yourself in a “repeat this bad week” mode for the future.

Finally, I have been focusing primarily on getting the tasks done. But the real cost of feeling overwhelmed is how it impacts our relationships with others. We are rushed. We don’t have time to talk. We are irritable and “short”. We become primarily self-focused on our lives and what we feel we need to get done. We are unavailable (physically and emotionally.) And although those around us who care about us are willing to “put up” with us for a while, over the long term, these characteristics can really damage the relationship. [Guilty as charged. Gotta go talk to my wife.]

As one of my friends often says, “Life is daily.” And this is the time of year that proves the point. Mid-January, February, and March is the time of year where we often have to just “gut it out” on a daily basis. The holidays are over, most vacations are done, and now is the time to get stuff done. This is true for students, in work, in physical fitness, and all parts of our lives.

Another friend of mine has observed and commented that some people are good at the daily discipline of life, others do well in making major life decisions, while few people seem to perform well in both arenas. What does it take to do well in daily life?

I know a guy who seems to have mastered daily life. Although he is a real-life guy, we’ll call him Jerry. Jerry is a fairly bright guy, but not stellar. In college, he had to work harder than most of his peers and did so, obtaining predominately B’s, with some C’s, at a tough private college. He graduated with a degree in humanities, and later obtained a master’s degree in International Studies.

Jerry also was a decent athlete, but sort of short and stocky. He built his body up through daily discipline — running (even in subzero weather) and weightlifting regularly. He played high school football, did intramurals in college, and then continued to maintain his physical fitness through his 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. In fact, he pushed himself and successfully completed Rangers training in the Army on his first try (which is highly unusual).

In his career, Jerry did what he was supposed to (and really, beyond what was expected) on a day-to-day basis. He demonstrated personal discipline, integrity, and service to others — and as a result, he was repeatedly promoted and given more and more responsibility. Over time (in fact, several years), Jerry moved up within his organization — in fact, to become the top assistant for the general who was in charge of all NATO troops in Europe. He was invited to attend the training program for generals but declined to do so, in order to focus more on his family.

Since that point in time, Jerry has been actively involved in the lives of his children, started a business, and also is a spiritual leader within his community. Although not excessively financially wealthy, he provides for his family and has a solid marriage.

If you were to meet Jerry, you would say he is a friendly guy, and would strike you as “solid”. He is not necessarily charismatic or flashy, and many looking from the outside would not view him as excessively “successful” in the terms many define as “success” (financial wealth, fame, career advancement).

But to me, Jerry is a model. He is a man whom I want to emulate my life after — he has mastered the daily grind in multiple areas of his life.

So, for you (and for me), the question is: Where in our lives do we need to be faithful to do the daily speel? Schoolwork? Those work responsibilities which are not fun but are core to the success of your position? Physical exercise? Time with family members? Limiting financial spending and increasing saving?

So take a minute or two. Maybe review those New Year’s Resolutions you made. And determine where you want to demonstrate consistent daily discipline, which will serve as a building block for your future success. Just like Jerry.

Remember “Curly”, the ascerbic senior wrangler played by Jack Palance in City Slickers? In the movie, Mitch (played by Billy Crystal) is in the midst of a midlife crisis brought on by his 39th birthday. So he and two friends go West to “find themselves” by participating in a cattle drive. Curly is the cowpoke in charge and gives Mitch the answer to his midlife crisis — he needs to find the “one thing” that is central to his being and that becomes his life purpose.

Now there have been a lot of books written in the past ten years regarding finding one’s purpose in life (First Things First by Stephen Covey; The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren; Life on Purpose by Brad Swift) and that is not the point of this entry.

Rather, I would like to tie in the idea of “one thing” to New Year’s resolutions. The other day my wife asked me if I was going to work on my New Year’s resolutions and I said, “No, I don’t do those anymore”, which is true to an extent. I don’t make a list of things I want to do or change in the coming year (largely in response to either a sense of failure in past years, or a desire to be more honest now.) But I do focus on “one thing”.

I have learned that if I am going to change something in my life, either to do something I haven’t done before or to remove something from my life, I need to focus on one thing at a time. Otherwise, I become overwhelmed, get bogged down, and none of the x number of changes I wanted to make actually happen.

So let me share some key components of making change in our lives. The more of these you include in your plan, the higher the probability is that you will be successful in incorporating new behavior in your life. The fewer involved in your plan, the more difficult it may be to make the change happen and “stick”. But the list isn’t an “all or nothing” proposition. Rather, pick which ones work for you in your life right now and go for it!

1. Define your goal in observable and measurable terms. Set a goal (to exercise a total of 240 minutes a week; to take a 10 week class in conversational Spanish; to save $1,000 by Memorial Day). If your “change” is amorphous and ill-defined, you really can’t develop a specific plan to achieve the change and you won’t know when you reach your goal.

2. Make a firm (written?) commitment to yourself that you intend to reach this goal and set a target date for achieving the goal. Most of us set “sort of” goals, like “I think I’m going to …” or “I’d like to …” This is in contrast to: “I am going to …. by x date.” Feel the difference in the level of commitment?

3. Determine how and when progress toward the goal will be measured. Often we set long-term goals (anything over two weeks is really long term in the realm of change) but don’t set up interim goals that will help us track our progress and help keep up accountable. If you are going to save $1,000 by Memorial Day then you should set up interim goals for every week or month between now and then.

4. Use social support. One of the key factors to successful behavior change is not trying to do it by yourself. Hence, the success of WeightWatchers or exercising with a friend or taking a class together with someone. Although the support can be in the form of reporting and accountability, the best form is by doing it together. That way, you encourage and support each other along the way.

5. Accountability — have an external reporting source verify your progress. If you really want to get serious about accomplishing your goal, set up a system to “check in” with someone who has to verify (by physical evidence, not by your verbal report) your progress. They see the balance on your savings; they check with your friend about class attendance; they watch you weigh on the scale. It’s tough, but effective.

6. Use rewards and consequences for reaching (or not) your interim goals. Although goals and consequences for reaching your ultimate goal work sometimes, usually the timeframe is too long to make a difference in our daily decisions. If you go to your Spanish class and get all the homework done, treat yourself to a dessert. If you reach your exercise goal for the week, rent a movie you have been wanting to see. I would encourage you to focus more on rewards than consequences; otherwise, you can develop a negative and resentful mindset toward the life change if you don’t reach your goal in one or two weeks, which results in giving up.

7. Focus on a short-term project rather than an exceptionally long period of time. If you want to make a long term change, break it up into a series of short term goals (3-4 months). Most of us only have so much mental and emotional energy, and from a perspective point of view, short-term goals are easier to start toward and complete.

With regards to choosing that “one thing”, let me offer some different ways to decide what change you should pursue. Sometimes you pick the one thing that really irritates you the most about you, and that would significantly change how you feel about yourself if that behavior or characteristic were different. Sometimes it is best to choose an “easy win”; some behavior that you know you can (and will) change if you just set your mind to it. And then you use this as a confidence builder to attack a more menacing behavior next quarter. Or sometimes you pick a behavior or pattern you have been thinking about working on, and one of your friends is planning to attack the same area — that way you have a built in social support system.

Whatever it may, I hope you find “one thing” you want to improve in your life and develop a plan that has a high probability of success rather than just go through the motions of making some New Year’s resolutions with no definite plan — that will probably lead to frustration and negative thoughts about yourself (and nobody needs that). I’m going to decide what my “one thing” is and work out a specific plan, and I will have it done by 8 a.m. CT 1/2/2008.

Earlier this week, I had the unique opportunity of a quiet evening alone at home. I had been working fairly hard, so I decided to “kick back” a little and I rented a movie. Now, my movie watching patterns are different than most adults. Given the type of work I do, I usually am not that interested in some high intensity, adrenaline-rush thriller. And rarely do I want to see a drama with a lot of intense relational issues. No, when I watch a movie I often want to escape from reality into the realm of comedy — and even further from reality into the world of animation (I really am a kid at heart).

So this week I picked up Meet the Robinsons, a delightful film about a boy who grows up in an orphanage and who wants to be an inventor. Lewis repeatedly meets potential adoptive parents but usually blows the interview by trying to impress them with his latest invention which always malfunctions and creates some kind of chaos. There are a lot of wonderful lessons from the story, but let me focus on one scene.

Lewis is visiting a family in the future (he traveled there in a time machine) and they ask him to try to fix a machine they have that is malfunctioning. But, like all the other times, after he “fixes” it, the machine goes haywire and makes a mess of everyone. But, instead of getting angry or being disappointed, the family starts to congratulate Lewis. “Way to go!” “Great failure!” “We’re so proud of you!” They are smiling, laughing and clapping. It is a stunning moment — both for Lewis and for me.

Lewis expresses his confusion at their responses and they go on to explain that their father, who is a highly successful and famous inventor, taught them that failure is a good thing. Because when you fail, you are able to learn what doesn’t work. Failure, from their point of view, was the beginning of success. As a result, failure is to be celebrated and embraced.

“But failure, in and of itself, isn’t the key to success”, they continue. They then inform him of the family motto, which they repeat so often he gets tired of hearing it. “Keep moving forward.” When ever one experiences failure, they explain, you learn from it but also pick yourself up and “keep moving forward”. You try again. You don’t give up. You try something else to overcome the challenge in your way.

So, like all good children’s books and movies, Lewis succeeds — both in becoming a famous and successful inventor but also in finding a family that loves and values him. And it has a nice, “feel good” ending. My kind of movie.

But the lesson was stunning to me. Here is a simple children’s animated movie and it is teaching a key component of life and business success I hear over and over from the successful businesspeople with whom I work. “To what do you attribute your business and financial success?” I ask them.

“Perseverance.” “We didn’t give up even when times were bad.” “We kept doing what we knew was the right thing to do.” “We didn’t accept ‘failure’ as an option.” Essentially, they did not accept failure as the the stopping point of their efforts. They kept trying.
I am still challenged by the response of the Robinson family in the movie — they rejoiced, were excited and not at all discouraged when someone failed. They maintained a positive outlook, supported and encouraged the person, and had the perspective — “OK, now what are you going to do to make it better this next time?”

This is not “pie in the sky”, let’s hold hands and sing Kum-by-ya. This is reality based feedback. Perseverance works. Giving up does not. I need this encouragement as I face my own small setbacks throughout the week. And it was a delightful surprise to hear this message from a silly, animated movie.

“Great failure!” “Keep moving forward!” I hope I can foster this attitude in my life and in my interactions with those around me. Let’s try it!

p.s. For another “feel good” animated movie with positive life lessons, watch Robots which has the wonderful theme of an inventor whose motto is “Find a need, meet a need.”

This past Sunday, one of the lead articles in Parade magazine (the magazine inserted into millions of Sunday newspapers) was on emotional intelligence. The article was written by Daniel Goleman, who is one of the “founding fathers” of the concept of emotional intelligence and who has written groundbreaking books on the subject (I personally have found Working with Emotional Intelligence to be a helpful, practical guidebook on the subject.)

In my work with successful business families across the country, I have had the opportunity to interview over 60 multimillionaires (usually, their net worth ranges from $20 million to $100 million) by conducting a day long retreat with the business owner and their spouse. And clearly I have found an overlap between the concepts of emotional intelligence and these successful individuals.

“Emotional intelligence” is one of those terms and concepts that many people use, but often don’t know exactly what it is. (Part of this is due to the fact that it is a relatively new construct and different authors and researchers have defined the term in different ways.) However, two of the concepts tied to emotional intelligence are what I want to address.

In the retreat I conduct with financially successful couples, one of the questions I always ask is: “To what do you attribute your business and financial success?” And what is fascinating are the recurring themes that I have heard over and over.

Depending on the person’s worldview, one of the most common answers either is: “We are fortunate to be blessed by God” or “We were in the right place at the right time – it had little to do with me.” Both answers reflect a sense of the world and life being bigger than themselves personally. Yes, they brought some talent, skill, training or other characteristics to the situation, but part of their success had to do with factors outside of their control. (This first reason given is not directly related to emotional intelligence, but is a result of the emotional intelligence concept of “having an accurate view of one’s place in the world” – neither overvaluing oneself, nor undervaluing your significance as an individual.)

Probably the second most common response is, bluntly stated, “perseverance”. These people, who are now multimillionaires, report comments like: “We just kept trying — we never gave up.” “We hung in there through the bad times, and tried to learn from our mistakes.” “We just working our plan.” It is interesting (to me, at least) that many of these individuals had failed in business or financially (by declaring bankruptcy) prior to their current success. But, whether through a personal passion related to the goods or services they provided or just a characterological “bulldoggedness”, they refused to give up.

This concept of perseverance is clearly referred to in the emotional intelligence literature. Often it is described as “self-control”, “managing oneself”, or “self-discipline”. But the construct is clear – a key component of managing oneself emotionally is the ability to get up and go to work when you don’t feel like it, to persevere through difficult times, and to keep on task in spite of weariness and discouragement.

The third most frequent response given by wealthy individuals, regarding the “secret” to their financial success, surprised me somewhat, but it kept recurring across the interviews. They often reported: “We took care of our customers.” “We were committed to giving the best service possible to our clients, even if it cost us extra at the time.” “We were honest and fair in dealing with our customers, our vendors, and our employees.” Essentially, they chose to do what was best for others, even if it was costly to them personally at the time.

In emotional intelligence terms, this is based on the concept of “perspective-taking” and “empathy”. First of all, one has to be able to see a situation from another person’s point of view – to see what they want in the situation (known as perspective taking). Then, one has to be able to put aside your own feelings and desires, and act in a way which is best for another, which is based on empathy – having a sense of how another person is feeling – and choosing to respond to meet their felt needs.

What is fascinating to me is the fact that most of the multimillionaires that I have interviewed have come to the conclusion that a large part of their financial success is really a result of emotional intelligence — specifically, the ability to persevere and demonstrate self-control, and serving others as a core part of their business.

This is in stark contrast to the myriad of books and articles that focus on marketing, leveraging your money, or some specific investment technique. I think the message is: if you want to be financially successful, do what you do well; serve your clients, vendors & employees (rather than cutting corners); and keep at it in spite of the obstacles and challenges you encounter.